Hi just wanted to say welcome to the group. This is a great group of people. Hope you find it helpful.

Thank you, im trying to find a way. Started to work from home again. I realized staying in the office did not help, I had several impulses that can cost me my job.

Welcome to the community!

Welcome to DS! I have a similar problem as you. I'm undergoing behavior modification therapy, anger management and cognitive behavioral therapy with a psychotherapist. Its a long journey and I mess up a lot. I'm very easily triggered and lose total control of myself. My tremendous anxiety is fuel for the inferno of anger thats always burning inside of me. I hope you find something that helps you.

Welcome! Has your therapist suggested your anger is a result of low confidence?

Hi and welcome to the community here. I’ve been here for many years and have found strength through both sharing my challenges and helping others with theirs. I hope you find some comfort here.

Welcome to this forum. My husband is very reactive, too reactive. I sometimes wonder if he needs testosterone or serotonin. I applaud you for seeking help. You say your doctor recommended DS? Amazing. I am wondering if you have had an actual psychological assessment to see if other disorders are going on besides anxiety?

Would you be willing to share more about your impulses that could cost you your job? Not to be nosey and don't share anything too personal or would identify you. But some impulses are more benign than others.

hello sramos. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

gentle empathy on the difficulty of controlling anger. my anger issues are severe enough to make me a public hazard. control my impulsivity under the influence of anger? hah! ! ! it's all i can do to recognize my anger and isolate myself until i manage to channel and calm it.

this very forum is one of the tools i use for venting my anger. getting ^it^ into words goes a long way toward helping me focus it well enough for the calming and channeling tools. i hope this forum serves you as well as it has served me.

welcome aboard.

A few issues at play and I think it would be helpful to explain a little more.

1. Distinguishing Productive Energy and Anxiety There are people who get angry and perform better. John McEnroe was known for losing his temper in tough siutations causing a fracas and then winning.

On the other hand, situations involving anxiety can be misdirected energy. My wife worked in an operating room literally helping in decisions which could involve life or death. Doctors could be angry, problems could develop. so my wife would come in 6:30 A.M, a good half hour before opening to organize her cases. But later she put so much pressure on herself finding a new house she could not make a decision.

So the first thing is to recognize in your calm, conscious mind the difference between goals and anxiety. The Super Bowl is watched by 500 million people. But coaches don't say this is the most important game of the year, because they realize that added stress will reduce not enhance performance.

2. Nutrition I had low blood sugar and my mom did also. She was an intense person who could get upset. I realized just before lunch I could be sensitive and not to make decisions or get angry on an empty stomach.

3. Style Try to get a sense of when you perform best. My son had a coach who used to scream during games. We all got used to it and loved him.

I don’t know really where to get further evaluated, I really think it could be menopausal too.. but my impulsivity has costs me several jobs where I would just walk off. Years ago, I use to be more physical, but started meds. The psychiatrist suggested psychotherapy.

Why did you walk off, and the situations could be different. How long afterwards did you realize you made a mistake. Could you work in a different area.

Growing up I always thought to not deal with BS from anyone, it was a defense mechanism. I was switching jobs like crazy. If someone talked to me the wrong was I felt this was something I didn’t have to deal with. So I would pack up and just leave, it got to a point where I was my finances were in dire. My good friends were telling me, Why don’t I just talk to the manager. I said no.. I don’t have to. This was an ongoing situation for me. The job I have now, I try to help others in the office that do not know different softwares and shut me down or ignored me. One lady just becomes rude with me. I decided to make up a lie and work from home. I saw my psychiatrist this week. I explained to him that I am having trouble at work. He advised to seek counseling, sometimes I think people don’t understand me and how I come across.. I just want to help.

Bobby50- my mom said the same, try different things. I guess it goes back to.. I try hard to do my best and help others

I have what I like to healthy rage, haha! I rarely lash out at anyone unless really pushed. I have long fuse but once I’m there I’m like a bomb. But over the years I’ve tried to channel that into being productive vs leveling everything in path. If I’m pissed about something at work I either put all my effort into being undeniably the best thing that ever happened to a company, or I try to show leadership and compassion, and be a light for my coworkers. How they receive it has nothing to do with me. It’s their issue. But I do try to approach it thoughtfully. It takes practice to be self aware, and staying present, pausing before reacting etc.

My husband is a reactor. A lot of it is due to being a type 1 diabetic. His moods change on a dime and it’s often tied to his chemistry/glucose. Even with well managed diabetes it’s not unusual. But a lot of it is also due to personality as well and what I see as a lack of coping strategies. I think he’s gotten better at recognizing it before he lets loose but I think it’s because he has been more thoughtful about cause and effect from his anger. Sometimes I just try to say to him, in a very direct, but soft, even, de- escalated tone “calm down” and then he sort of realizes in that moment he’s over the top. I mean it’s not my issue to fix or solve; it’s his, but as a partner I realize how we react to each other can make a huge difference in how things play out.

When I was going through perimenopause, I was very hostile and quick tempered. Once I realized it was my yo-yo hormones at play, I was able to sort of accept it but then find ways to redirect the anger.

Sometimes awareness is half the battle. I think therapy could really help you.

I'd suggest communicating as much as you can with him. Relationships are tough enough as it is... Maybe try to point out with "I" statements what upsets you or leads to your anger.

"I tend to get upset easily when the dishes aren't done"
"I know I have a low anger tolerance, I am trying to work on it... Here are some things that get me upset"

Im half asleep so sorry for the vague/random examples...
Anger is a tricky thing...

Also... I was told never to make a big decision or statement when either VERY angry or VERY happy... both can lead to regrets in the future.

Good luck!