You are going to have to ask her about it and maybe him find out if it is the truth whether you want to hear it or not. In my experience not everyone whom has cheated once does it twice but I do not believe you should let this rumor remain just that a rumor. Face her and face the possibility that is could be right but you'll have to decide whether or not this marriage truly wants to be saved by both parties whether she is cheating or not. The longer you stay in a unhealthy environment the longer you stay unhealthy yourself.

Im looking at it this way..when you go to work and you have home problems you talk to others and some work colleagues or co workers you feel you can talk about things more to..does not mean that because you are close its an affair..some people may say oh they are cosy..but its not always the case..people can read into things to much..yes some could argue with me you always talk to your partner but sometimes when we are dealing with things others cannot cope...its hard trying to be strong and thats for both people..my conditon Im holding up my hand Ive put people through it whilst ve been fighting..

I agree with Jokey, I have found comfort with co-workers talking about home problems (and talking to DH about work problems) and I have, yes, had close friendships with guys---so I know it is easy for people to make assumptions, out of boredom or spite or whatever---and some people will ALWAYS assume any contact between a man and woman MUST be sexual in nature. Very not true.

I'd say that with your history, it's time to ask your wife flat-out, "Look, is this going on again? I've got enough to deal with right now, and so do you, we don't need that kind of crap between us." Her reaction will tell you a lot, and you can figure it out from there.

Hi Sean,

Sounds to be quite the roller coaster ride... one of which you've yet to find relief from for a while now. My heart goes out to you during this difficult and confusing time.

Soon you'll be able to find the strength to confront the situation in order to gain control once again. I'm not offering advice on how to go about it, I'm just saying that stopping yourself from going to his home and getting yourself into further trouble (beating someone up after all will get you thrown somewhere I know you don't want to be) was the right step.

You have to decide what everything you're living for is worth to you. Is it worth the headaches, the heartaches, the anxiety to not know the truth of what's occurring? I think for your sake, if you don't trust yourself in how you'll react (i.e. violently, self harming) then perhaps brainstorming on how you will confront the situation is ideal. Asking her to meet you at a safe setting for you might help (I.e. mention this to your therapist and then ask if it will be alright to talk to her in their presence) so you don't have to face her or yourself alone.

You are the one suffering in all this, therefore you have to look out for yourself first.... how will you take this news if it is good, how will you take this news if it's bad? Taking precautionary steps in order to prepare yourself will provide you with something to do in the meantime and will provide you with strength and control, both of which you will need eventually if you're going to seek the truth.

I hope all goes well and am here if you ever want to vent or talk (sometimes that helps too).

Wishing you the best of luck regarding how you decide to continue on with the information given. Remember it will benefit you to take care of yourself and go about it in a healthy way.
((hugs))

Im trying to just handle it but the feeling is just so overwhelming and gives me CONSTANT flashbacks of everything that she did to me back in 2005 and being so cold and full of spite......and all i can do is look at her with and untrusting glare everytime that i see her now. I love her so much but a big part of me says to just shut the emotions down that i have for her in order to just not be hurt AGAIN, like i said i love her but i have such a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now and i can barely even eat or sleep now,Im already dropping weight like crazy and driving myself insane just waiting for the right time to just let her know that im done....and i cant even do that until i have my next two pay checks under my belt and thats over a month away....Anyways,

Im sorry for constantly whining to you guys but thx for all the ideas and thx for listening to all of this crap thats going on right now.

It takes a long time to build trust back up and it takes total honesty on your wife's part. If there is a rumor about her cheating and she doesn't explain it to your satisfaction, you have to ask yourself if it is worth living in a constant state of rage with an unfaithful wife!

She needs to come clean to you and to every single thing she is doing at every minute of the day.

Good Luck!

Right now, this is taking a lot out of you emotionally. You are going through changes. Whatever you decide to do, your criteria is "will it make me happier or stronger?" You don't want to be in this position five years from now. Obviously, you need as much support as you can get, family, friends, your counselor, us. We are here for you. It is very important that you start doing some excercise, running, bicycling, anything aerobic for a hour or more. Focus on your diet. And of course, pray continuously and/or go to church. Singing hymns in your head continuously is also good. My favorite is Amazing Grace.

She keeps ashuring me that its just a former that didnt like her running there mouth because they lost there job recently.....But with her history i cant help but to believe the rumor and i just feel like such an idiot because now everyone is hearing it here at work and even last night as my wife was smoking outside the male asked if he could go have a ciggeret to and there boss said that no they arent allowed to be alone together anymore......That right there makes me believe it even more......SON OF A BITCH IM SO STUPID for letting my gaurd down again and letting here into my heart.....Im plain and simple just a giant fucking idiot.

i meant rumor at the start sorry

thats what i mean im just stupid because i didnt mean rumor i meant former employee

Sean, you need to ask her and if she still insists it is nothing go to him and ask him straight out and no there is not a guarantee you will get the truth but you have to try. Rumors are hurtful whether true or not and the longer you just allow that rumor to be unconfirmed the more pain it will cause you in the end. You need to find out for sure if you can otherwise this pain will only get worse.

time to decide to if you should stay on this roller coaster or try a different ride...breathe, pray, step back and listen to your hp...you will make the right decision...remember who YOU are...brave, bright, intelligent, loving, caring, dependable, full of love, passion, caring, compassion, .....etc....don't be afraid to take the first step in taking care of you...once you start taking care of you, the rest of your world will fall right into place.

Hugs SeanPain!

Thx for all of the kind words guys.....i guess i just need to flat out ask her tonight when i get home from work

Hi SeanPain,
I agree with RoseBud. I am glad you stopped yourself, that could have ended very badly. I don't think your an idiot at all! Sounds like you were just trying to forgive her and you expected her to change... which is perfectly understandable! I am soooo sorry you are going through such heartache and of course this is affecting every aspect of your life. :( I am so sorry your going through this. If you have a thearpist I hope you lean on them and don't hold this all in. Remember the only person you can change is you. Big Hugs! I am praying for the best for you.

Ok....so i just passed this guy in the hall way as he was clocking out of work and i could see was blood.....and now my anxiety is flooding through me like a river and my heart is racing and all i wanna do is call my wife just to make sure that he doesnt stop by there......Im really messed up right now and cant handle this shit as im here for ATLEAST another 2 hours or so and im just so scared that she will just give in to this guy OR already has....is it just me or am i kinda messed up beyond repair because of her?