ALL MOODY BLUES Community Group
This group is for all people, no matter what disease, disorder, or life issue that causes you moody times and needs a little support or wants to give support. Be yourself, have fun meeting new people that care and understand you. RULES- show respect, no extra drama, no bashing, keep personal info confidential , and don't give advice [ if asked ok] . problems or...
So now since my wife DECIDED that she doesnt want to be alone and act like everything is just fine between us and blaming it all on being so tired from work a rumor about her and a co worker of hers has started to show its head and she told me about this last night as soon as i got home from work myself......The only thing that went on in my head was blood red rage and even though i have no idea if it's true or just speculation i caught my heading over to his house while out working, The only thing that stopped me from going to his house and beating him within an inch of his life was me calling my mom at the last second around the corner from his house....Since she has done similar things in the past i and everyone else in my family has no doubt that its most likely true and i have no idea what to do or think about this " rumor " and when i see her at home or at work all i see is the face of the guy that she messed around with six years ago and its driving me crazy. I'm still so insecure from that time in my life and now i have this " rumor " going around and its making me feel like shit at my job and at home, I feel like everyone is looking and laughing at me behind my back and thinking that i'm such a fucking idiot for having even went back to her in the first place and now just sitting by letting it happen again.....I just don't know what the hell to do now
I'm sorry you are struggling with this so much. I don't blame you, this type of situation is one that doesn't ever to have a clear answer when you're the one going through it. It's very easy for anyone looking from the outside in to give their advice, but in the end you're the one going through it, and you're the one that has to live with any outcome.
It is very interesting to read the choice of words you used on the matter. You mentioned you are afraid of brining up how you're feeling because you fear it will "force her into his or another's arms".... these words are very powerful and speak many volumes. In the end because she has been guilty of cheating in the past you're afraid that your actions or inactions will drive her to commit the same wrongdoing as before. This is quite heartbreaking to see as you're assuming responsibility for her actions. Nobody can drive another person to do something they don't want to do. If she loves you and doesn't have resentment in her heart she wouldn't be driven to such actions. She would be dedicated to you and only you. After all it is her and only her that can choose how to react in response to you expressing your fears and emotions.
If however you feel she has a reason to react in such a selfish way and you are putting so much pressure on yourself, then ask yourself why? Why would I be responsible? Perhaps you feel guilty regarding how your condition has put pressure on your relationship. I must say however that you having this condition is not your fault... and it is not her fault for not being able to react to it in a healthy way. You do however deserve to be with someone who can. I assume that you will both be in jeopardy of living a tit for tat type relationship that will drive you both to even the score over and over again... you hurt her, so she hurts you back type scenario. If you foresee in this same way as well then I believe you will also find your answer.
It is not your fault that she has cheated on you before, it is not your fault that she said admitted to have a hatred for you, it is not your fault and you deserve to feel as though it's not your fault. You deserve to be in an understanding place in your life... in a state of forgiveness and acceptance. If you feel you will not have this with your wife ... if you feel you can't count on her to dedicate herself wholeheartedly to this relationship, to start over and make healthy overhauls then there's your answer.
With that being said, I want to offer you my support in what ever you decide to do. Like I mentioned, you're the one who has to live with the outcome. You're the one who is living with the pain and the one who needs to find a way to live with it no longer.
Go for it Sean, go and claim your destiny ... we'll be here... I'll be here with a tentative ear when you feel it's time to reflect or vent.
Again, power to you and stay strong.
May God bless you now and always.
Many hugs :)