Hello liblou,

You are very welcome to DS. I can see that you have tried a lot of things to help you quit drinking and that it is not working for you. I can tell you that not so long ago I was in that place too and I well remember the feelings of fear, desperation and complete hopelessness that I had at that time. I firmly believed that absolutely nothing that I or anyone else could do would make it better. Today, I have peace of mind and thoughts of alcohol never come into my head. I cannot tell you what you should do but I can tell you what has worked for me.

When I knew that I was completely defeated by alcohol and everything else had been tried and had failed, I went to an AA meeting. What I then learned about the illness of alcoholism made a lot of sense as it explained exactly why I drank in the way that I did and why I could not stop. An alcoholic has an insane mental obsession for alcohol and despite all of the trouble that drinking brought us in the past, we believe that it will be different this time. It might be a case of: I had a really rotten day and I need a few drinks. Or it could be: Its my birthday / wedding anniversary so Ill have just a couple of drinks. Or My team won the match and I really want to celebrate, just like everyone else. For one reason or another I had to find some reason to drink, some way to convince myself that what I was doing was normal. When you left the Treatment Centre after 30 days you probably had no intention of drinking. However, you still had the mental obsession for alcohol so it was inevitable that you would drink again sooner or later.

During my drinking days I drank with very many people who were normal (but sometimes heavy) drinkers and some of them often had a strong mental obsession for alcohol. Some of those people drank more than I did but yet they were not alcoholics. The difference was in the way that their bodies physically handled alcohol. They could take one drink and stop if they wished. They could have one or two the next day and maybe none at all for weeks or months. They could go to a function and drink a huge amount but have nothing to drink the next day. When an alcoholic takes one drink, a physical craving for more alcohol develops immediately. Then with each drink the craving becomes stronger until no amount of willpower can overcome it. That is why an alcoholic will often drink too much but will still not have enough.

Somewhere along the way during our drinking we cross a line, where this physical reaction to alcohol develops and once we cross that line there is no going back. No matter how long I stay sober, if I take one drink that craving for more will develop immediately and I will be right back to where I was before I stopped drinking. When we get to this point in our drinking, all self-control has been lost. Our lives have become unmanageable in many ways and we have lost the power to control alcohol. We can blame other people and we can say that its all because of the genes but the fact is that there is only one person responsible we are powerless over alcohol.

The main problem for the alcoholic is this physical craving which normal drinkers dont have. However, the craving can never develop if we do not take the first drink. Therefore something has to change in the mind in order to remove that insane obsession for alcohol. You have asked; Does anyone know of any other alternatives that have worked for them? You can try all sorts of possible cures and they have all been tried already and have eventually failed. Until the mental obsession for alcohol has been removed you are likely to continue drinking, with the off periods getting shorter and the amount of alcohol increasing.

The good news is that thousands of people who have been where you are now have recovered from alcoholism. The first thing to do is to admit that alcohol has you defeated and that you cant beat it alone. The second thing I would suggest is that you should go back to AA meetings. Then you will learn that there is action that you can take that will remove that insane mental obsession. You will not want to or need to drink again.

That is what has worked for me. A week ago I was with my wife in the supermarket when she stopped to look at some wine. My only interest in the nearby whiskey was in the price - they never sold cheap stuff like that when I was struggling to pay for it.

I drank for another year after spending only 10 days in a detox/rehab facility......after I left, I stayed sober for a month or so and decided I wasn't like "them" at all.

I proceeded to try to drink like a normal person for the next year and it got much worse each time....I think I actually ended up worse than I was upon entering the facility....

So if you can't leave your family for 30 days again, how about an hour a day and attend meetings? You said you enjoyed them....give it another shot. NEVER give up!

Yes, you said, " But I have failed to return due to being ashamed of still using on and off." This is AA, this is about people trying to get sober. Many many people have relapses and then get back to AA. And I've been sober nearly 12 years and I have met many many people who did as you did, busted after rehab and they went on to get sober and have been sober every since. So it can be done. You coming on here and opening yourself up is such a good sign that you really do want to make changes - go to AA meetings, every single day, more in a day if you need to and open up just the way you have here.

Did no one in rehab tell you that it is your lack of self control that is part of the disease of alcoholism?

30 day rehab is not meant to 'work' in stopping you from drinking - it is about getting you away from alcohol physically and to try to break down any resistance you may have towards treatment. When you left there, you still had no defence against that first drink - you were actually no different to the person that entered there 30 days before, other than you were physically sober.

So, now you know that self-control is not going to work, you have made an important discovery about yourself. If AA was cool for you, get back there and begin your actual recovery - you will find sober women who want to help you to get well for good and all. Don't miss it because it is the coolest thing!

PM me if I can help at all!

Lyn

Yes, it IS really difficult to go to meetings when you've relapsed, but there's nobody there that hasn't or isn't going through through the same insanity you're going through. It's true, not everyone has the EXACT same story, but we all have the one thing in common -- WE CAN'T TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK!

Remember:

Tradition Three

"The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking."

Good Luck to you, friend!

It's back to AA for you! And this time, as has been mentioned, get a sponsor and ask her to guide you through the steps. If you throw yourself into the Steps rather than into the bottle, you will be amazed before you are half way through!