So the 2 AA meetings a day seemed to help, huh?

Yes almost like a weird sort of family thing even though I didn't know those people from anything, they were all very kind and non judgemental. But I have failed to return due to being ashamed of still using on and off. I know I need to get back. It also helped that they served caffinated coffee and we were not allowed caffine in rehab (JK).

If they were non judgmental, then why would you let your struggling with drinking keep you from meetings?

Don't let shame keep you away from the rooms Try to get to at least one meeting a day There is so much at stake here. Your life!
PS you can never actually graduate from AA but that's better than it sounds

Maybe start going back? The judgment you fear is in your own head, not from others at a meeting.

Go back to AA and get involved in the steps. Just going to meetings might keep you from drinking (and might not), but if you wanna change, get a sponsor and work the steps. You will be glad you did.

~Chris

My shrink tells me it is all in my head too. I am also struggling with boarderline personality disorder, so my paranoia wouldn't surprise me. I appreciate your advice on returning. I do know it is what I need to do
@ rivalino, I meant I graduated from rehab, not from AA. I guess it did sound like that.

I often recall my early experiences regarding treatment and often entered treatment for a variety of reasons, recovery being the least of my motivations. Once treatment was concluded I would defend with argument as to why the rehabilitation didn't work. In retrospect I find that programs and rehabilitation didn't fail. " I failed."

I know that I really need to look in the mirror and get "honest with myself". It is really hard to hear from those with no issues, "why don't you just quit, or at least slow down". They don't get it, or should I say they get it, I don't! I feel there is something bigger than me pulling me down as I am sure most do. Not to say I am any different, just sick of failing constantly and really frustrated I can't get honest with myself.

Congratulations! From what I read here, you seem to have developed a complete willingness to get and stay sober. If I'm correct, then you've already won half the battle. This is an important turning point in your life. Go back to the AA meetings, let go, and they'll take it from there. AA members are more than willing to help you. How it works starts out: "Rarely have we've seen a person fail who has throughly followed our path..."

Best wishes on your journey to become happy, joyous and free. -Robert

Welcome to the Alcoholism Support Group


Hi like a couple of others have said if AA was working and you felt good why not go back to a meeting .Unlike rehabs after you leave or your shrink you can get 24/7 support there you don't need to give people your phone number but you can get some members numbers and ring them before you pick up a drink .


These are people who have been were you are now and they can help.

In a lot of cases not all when you take the alcohol away a lot of those bordering illnesses go with it.

Keep posting .

God Bless...

Lionel

Hi Liblou. Try not to stay stuck on not getting it right the first time. My shrink asked me why was I afraid to go to an AA meeting, and I said 'because I am afraid I will fail and drink again'. He said, it's like weight watchers, you may fail, but each time you get back on the horse, you know a little more about how to do better (stay sober) the next time. Of course alcohol is much more deadly than food, right, but you get my point dont you? You said 'lack of sober support'. I know exactly what you mean. My h asked me 'why can't you just have one, or just stop?'. I said 'Gosh darn it anyway, duh, why didn't I think of that, ha!' They will never understand, so forget that, do it for YOU, just YOU. Hey, did you know that YOU ARE WORTH IT? Hmmmm, think about it. You do not have to drink, you do not have to react to normal people who just don't get it, and you ARE WORTH THE TROUBLE. Go to your meetings every day, k? ((Hugs)) to you!

You will be welcomed with open arms. I have little kids too and can understand the challenge in getting to a meeting, BUT, if this is a priority, you have to make it a priority.

Go on weekends when your husband's home, get a sitter or trade babysitting with a friend with kids. You may not be able to make it happen every day, but 2-3 times a week is likely doable. It sounds to me like your husband may be motivated to support you in this effort. Good luck - and let us know how it goes.

I have little kids and a husband who is pretty sick of me, too.

There are some very wise people here that can give good support and advice. Welcome.

Hi, liblou!!!! Welcome!!!!
Gosh, that must have been disappointing to you to start drinking again immediately after leaving rehab!!! But you did well IN rehab, so that shows you that you can do it!!! And you responded well to AA and that should be something that you can manage to utilize right now!!!
Even if it will be tough to get to that first meeting, because of your embarrassment, just keep reminding yourself of all that's at stake!!! Your family!!!!!
For what online help is worth, this is a very nice site!!! Many of us here know what you are going through and understand it perfectly and don't judge you for it!!!
I just quit drinking on my own, after I got good and sick of, as you say, the insanity. But I did have therapy, too, for a whole lot of problems in my life. Once I got that stuff straightened out, I was able to stop drinking!!!
Good luck!!! It sounds like you're ready to quit and that you know a way that works for you!!! All you have to do now is to do it!!! (((((Hugs)))))