Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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Trigger Warning

PinkArzora
PinkArzora

First off, i am triggered bc I wrote a post yesterday and some glitch ate it & now it doesn't exist. Pff.


I am proud to report that i haven't touched alcohol since my gut wrenching dance with the devil on 1/20. I put too much focus on a date to reach, and once arrived felt compelled to take advantage. I don't know why i would ever want to return to that dark place. Gut wrenched literally.


Living in an addict brain, i have to be prepared with a plan for my triggers. I have compulsions that drive my behavior with self destruction. These compulsions are always there, to drink, to gamble, to pick at my face.. It's a total hot mess up in here. 


Thing is, my triggers set off the cycle and i need the escape of the compulsive bad behavior. Why doesn't a hike give me the same satisfaction? For one, it is legit dangerous cold out there right now and my apathy has me pancaked on this soft surface. I just can't. 


I need the pain to go away. I need the thrill of chaos. I need a cheap ride to oblivion. 


I need too much. I am needy.


So here i am, the precipice of another trigger. Tomorrow is my birthhday. It is going swimmingly so far. Everyone is doing their best to be the sweet souls they are and show me their love. I will admit, i feel loved. It is powerful to have people who see you, get you, defend you. My circle is extremely limited. I am profoundly blessed to have these exclusive souls as my tribe.


See..that's how you put a spin on being unpopular! I'm "exclusive". 


As i move further away from the toxic poison that is alcohol, I have to keep sight on these people. I want to live to another birthday. I want to be here for the real ride, the one life is guiding me through. I cannot give up on them. I cannot give up on myself. You cannot have me today, Satan. Maybe tomorrow? I will check my calender.

finallyawakenow
finallyawakenow
Don't you know? We're all a hot mess. That's what we humans do, constantly deny our essential nature of peace by giving into our minds whirlwind. The "trick" is to learn to step back and become aware that who we really are is the watcher of the thoughts and actions. It actually can be entertaining to do this as practice runs when you are picking at your face, step back and watch yourself go through the motions as an observer with no judgement. My little compulsions have faded away doing this.
I have some good laughs at myself. Great job on the sobriety!!! The habit mind that you created that wants to pull you back into what's familiar will fade. There are a bunch of books I read when I quit that helped me reset my brain. I'll do a post with a little book list and others can include what helped them. I'm not talking about self help stuff, that just makes me want to, well... Real stuff that inspires and shakes us up. While you're waiting for the arctic snap to fade start exercising inside. I've made up a routine that takes 30 minutes with a yoga mat and two sets of free weights.
Nice to hear from you.
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
Good for you for recognizing there are people in your life who love you and you are beginning to be a little more compassionate toward them knowing that every drink you take is hurting them as much as it's hurting you, albeit in a different way. That's the disease of alcoholism. With every new sober day, you are healing them as well as yourself. Good for you!

I know you are trying but it just goes to show you how hard it is. Let's wipe the slate clean and start over because we can do a better job at it so that we are both sober and happy at the same time.

Here is some inspiration for you,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_YXdpDMnNI&ab_channel=GrannyQuila
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
Here is a past post that helps you identify triggers so you can avoid them.

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/alcoholism/discussion/recognizing-dangerous-situations?page=1
Shiney
Shiney
I used to pick at my face too, bit my nails to the core, would even bite off the nail to the skin underneath, I was so embarrassed and would hide my hands all the time, since becoming sober, I now have nails, I don't have to hide anymore cos I have nothing to hide. This disease makes us live in the dark, isolated and full of secrets. It is so liberating to be free, and just be ourselves. Has taken my entire life to reach this point - you are acknowledging, recognizing and self-reflecting, that will keep you on the right path. Congrats for dusting yourself off and standing tall again. Forget the dates, too much pressure, you wake up brand new everyday and get a chance to start afresh, just take it day by day, otherwise you are setting yourself up to fail. You got this x ( and definitely want to see your list of recommended books Jase)
PinkArzora
PinkArzora
I'll take a book shout out, too. Don't read a whole lot. I watch a lot of HGTV. I want to pretend i am a home owner.
KimmyO
KimmyO
Congratulations to you, you are winning and overcoming much!!! Also, Happy Birthday!! I am late, but glad to congratulate you and pray you have a spectacular year of winnings!! Sometimes the small wins really count and add up to big wins!! There are those who are selective introverts and selective extroverts, there is nothing wrong with that and it is good to be careful who you spend time with so they don't stress you. Celebrate the wins and don't focus at all on any trips or falls, positive gratitude does help a lot and ignoring the failures but celebrating the wins! You are doing great and will do even better as time goes on. I love a good adventure, if you are looking for distracting chaos a good book, audio or movie/series on tv is a great distraction. Take your vitamins so you are nutritionally ready to deal with things better. Celebrating with you!! Don't let the devil get you down! =)
PinkArzora
PinkArzora
Thanx for the pep talk, KimmyO! I feel like jumping up and doing something, like i am a troop that has been rallied.
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