If you say to your friends. "Mate, I don't want to have one drink, please don't ask me again" and they still continue, then they're not much chop as far as mates go. I didn't expect my friends to understand, but I did ask they respect my decision not to drink.

Hello acinorev92,

Sorry to hear that you are having these difficulties with your friends but there are a couple of things that you can do.

First of all, your friends probably mean well and they dont want any harm to come to you if they are real friends. However, they do not understand alcoholism and they think that you can control your drinking just as easily as they can. If you have not done so already it would be useful for you to learn about the exact reasons why an alcoholic cannot take one drink. Then you can educate your friends a little bit and maybe even open their eyes to the dangers of drinking too much.

The second thing that you can do is to look at yourself and make some changes. Sorry to have to say this but you did not throw away your 83 days of sobriety because of pressure from your friends you did it because YOU made a decision to drink. This does not make you a bad person or a weak person but it does show you a little bit about how untreated alcoholism works. The reason that you drank is that you had/have a mental obsession for alcohol which every alcoholic develops. An obsession is an idea which overcomes all other ideas and therefore, even though you had made a decision not to drink and you used your willpower in order to carry out that decision, it was always going to be likely that the obsession would eventually convince you to drink. An alcoholic who takes one drink will immediately develop a craving in the body for more alcohol and in order to try and satisfy the craving you ordered another drink. This second drink doubled the craving and so you started on the shots you were attempting to satisfy a physical craving that cannot be satisfied.

The good news is that the craving in the body cannot develop if the first drink can be avoided. Non alcoholics like your friends never develop this physical craving and they have difficulty in understanding why you cannot take a couple of drinks and stop. As you have rightly pointed out you cannot take one drink and this knowledge is a good starting point. However, in order to achieve long term sobriety (and feel happy about it) you need to find some means of removing that obsession of the mind for alcohol. There may well be many ways of doing that and any method that works is fine. What works for many alcoholics is the AA programme of recovery.

Unfortunately you cannot rely on the help of your friends or other people to keep you sober, although any help is welcome. What you need to do is to make changes in yourself so that you lose that urge to drink no matter what other people are doing or saying. You can also develop a new way of dealing with life in general so that when things go wrong as they always will from time to time, you will know how to handle it without alcohol. What you do is of course your own business but my suggestion to you is to go to AA, get a sponsor and start working on that programme of recovery.

Sounds as if you need a need a new bunch of friends. Ones that won't try to talk you into drinking.
I found after I stoppped drinking that drinking buddies were drinking buddies - not good for much else.Today I don't see any of them. Find somewhere else to be and something else to do - with sober people. With friends like yours, you sure don't need enemies...

Take care,
Dennis

Why and when are they saying this to you? If you tell them you can't drink and this is their response, maybe you need new friends. If they say this because you are in drinking situations a lot, maybe you need new activities,
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If they say this in response to you saying, "I really wish I could have a drink" -- that is all on you. They are just trying to help based on the message you are giving.

Why are you listening to people who tell you things you know aren't true?

One possible reason they're telling you these thing is that if you have a problem, maybe they do, too. Your sobriety forces them to look at their own behavior.

Their understanding isn't a requirement for your sobriety. If they won't help you, find someone who will. There are plenty of support groups of every flavor out there.

Maybe it's best to seek advice from recovered alcoholics who are finding satisfaction in sober activities rather than relying on friends who hang out in drinking situations.

I used to go to any lengths for a drink so I had to be equally willing to go to any lengths if I wanted sobriety. That meant saying goodbye to a few people and places, some permanently, some until I had some good solid sobriety in place.

I started attending AA meetings and took it from there, now I'm recovered I can go anywhere as long I'm doing it for legitimate and worthy reasons. I don't rely on anyone who has a normal reaction to alcohol to help with something they just don't understand.

Hope you find your way soon.

We are responsible for our own sobriety. No one else can make you stay sober, and no one can force you to drink.
We had a reading today in my home group from Dr Bob's nightmare story. Although the writing style is dated, he makes that exact point. No one pours the booze down our throughts.
I personally didnt wait for friends and / or family to tell me I had to stop drinking. I'd still be drinking had I done that.

People who do not having drinking problems don't understand alcoholism. And conversely, people with drinking problems will also encourage you to drink, because they like the company.

In social situations, I do find it helpful if I'm already holding a glass of something (water, soda, tea, etc). I find that people are less likely to offer me a drink if I am already drinking some other liquid beverage.

No one, and I mean no one can stop an alcoholic after they've had that first drink. Once ingested, it's a done deal, as PJ54 explained so well. Don't give your friends so much power. They don't have any power whatsoever over your drinking or not drinking. It all comes from you - it's an inside job, as they say.

As mentioned, perhaps a change in scenery might be good for you. And hanging out with others who are drinking and who are encouraging you to do so is probably not the best place for a recovering alcoholic.

Hard to soar like an eagle if you fly with turkeys.

well, as a newcomer in the rooms of alcoholics anonymous, i have learned that i have to turn down that first drink, which i usually cannot do by my own fruition - hence the reason that i go to that 12 step program. plus i try to stay out of "sticky places" like anyplace serving alcohol

You sound like you need a new group of friends. Particularly friends who do not encourage you to have "just one". An alcoholic cannot have "just one". You are an alcoholic and will be one for as long as you live. Share that with your so called "friends".

If someone offered me a drink, I would say ' thank u, but no thanks'. If they asked why, I would say something like, 'I quit awhile ago, but I'll have a ginger ale and OJ'. If they commented again, I would be like 'oh you didn't hear me say no thanks and that I quit awhile ago'? You have to have a back bone so u dont give into drinking and you have to sound confident when u say NO THANK U. Also, you might have to find new friends. Friends don't pressure you to do things you don't want to do.

My friends seem to think that one drink is harmless, even though I have continuously tried telling them that if I have even one drink I will continue to drink even if they try to stop me. I'll drink when I'm not near them, I'll sneak it into the bathroom.. Once I've had a sip, it's done for.

It's definitely a good idea to have a drink in hand so people are less likely to offer alcohol, I will keep that in mind.

I'm not in situations where we drink regularly, but my friends still try to tell me even when we're not drinking that I can drink when I'm around them and push even when we're not drinking. I finally got my new bf to understand and ACCEPT that I can't drink with him and his friends because I'm an alcoholic and I'm bipolar, and mixing the two is a deadly combination. He's agreed to help me stay sober and we're going to get virgin drinks for me so that I can still feel somewhat included and people will be less likely to offer if it looks like I've made the conscious effort to find an alternative drink.

I know when I drank and gave up my 83 days sober that I did it on my own accord, I don't blame my friends for it by any means. I let myself believe them when they said I could drink casually and be okay, and I tried to convince myself I would be okay. I quickly learned I wasn't okay, and my friends should have clued in that there is no stopping me once I've started. It's an example that I have tried bringing up with my friends, but they don't really get it and I'm making an effort to spend less time with them and I'm still trying to get them to understand that I have am an alcoholic, I am bipolar, and I have depressive tendencies. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, so mixing that in with my bipolar disorder and depressive tendencies is just a horrible mixture.. But I will definitely keep the ideas that everyone has suggested, thank you all! :)

I hate to say it but it appears that you do not want to stop. If so you would stop going to the bar with your friends. True who know you are struggling with alcohol would find healthier places to go to. You know the saying, if you stay in the barber shop long enough you will get a hair cut. I disagree with the previous writer that you had 83 days sobriety, because you did not. you had 83 days of not drinking. If you were working a 12 step program and what I mean about that is the steps and not just going to meetings you would find out that the reason you continue to drink is because you are powerless, that you cannot quit on your own power, and that God can stop you from drinking whether you believe in Him or not. Work the steps and see what happens it cannot hurt, what ever you tried it has not worked. I can give you page references in the Big Book that may help you. Peace and love

rev bates