One good thing is today you can think ,bobinmaine,i can think..that is good news!!..because we are clean and sober..we havent lost ourselves as we were in a bottle or drug..these are good things but i get you and i dont know why our ''stinking thinking'' will tell us at times that it was some sort of good time we were having i dont know about you but truthfully i was smashed...getting myself in jam after jam living on a mere thread of an exsistance...i call my disease an oppurtunistic disease because it is always waiting for the chance to snag me up with circumstance,thinking,really anyway it can to justify doing it..whether good days to so called celebrate or bad to drown my sorrows.i've learned over the years to know it for what it is just a symptom from the dsease i have.Losing friends are tough and youre ok to let yourself mourn,feel sad and by all means get it all out a healthy way.i've been threw a hell of a lot and probably go threw a hell of a lot more but im willing to go threw it instead of getting lost in it.makes a much better outcome.

Bob, much better to talk about what you're feeling. You've got a good support crew in your corner here. Sorry for the loss of your friend.

We are certainly on he same wave length...I'm in the process of losing a friend.....but also have been thinking so much about how do you live out the balance of your life when the majority of your life is over? It just seems the final few chapters just arn't as much fun as those first few chapters when there was hope and anticipation. I try to focus on the daily but lurking in my mind is the "what then" (s)

Finding pure joy in the "right now" is not always easy and I seem to do it so imperfectly.

Update on my emotional health. Feeling much better today, still a ways to go but dealing with life on life's terms. Hard to look forward when most of my life is over like you said Poo. The nice part is being able to retire and not having to do anything if I don't want to.

Mum, I know what you mean but I think it's natural for men to keep their feelings inside but I also understand it can be dangerous for and addict to do that.

Sally, at the time, we both needed each other to get through difficult childhoods, he lost his dad and I gave him support and my parents were drinking heavily and he supported me, so we were the best of friends at the time.

Coreen, ty also, yea pancreatic cancer is an automatic death sentence because it is so hard to detect, by the time they find it, you have less the 6 months to live.

Nicky I know you are right, I tend to get away from my Higher Power for some reason. Need to keep Him at the center of my life in all that I do.

I know I didn't answer everyone but I love you all just the same!

God Bless