I think first of all you may have started the renewing of the relationship in your mind from when you were 23, not 30 as you are now. We alkies crave instant gradification and you got it somewhat with the school girl butterflies... I guess what I am saying is that we can't go back. We have to live today and in the now. Do you even really know him anymore? I mean that's the most important thing. You have no reason to feel badly for not being physically attracted to him. We all have certain physical likes and dislikes. No matter what that may be, it has very much to do with the "whole" package of what we are seeking in a partner. You have no reason to feel guilt. I think you have a beautiful tender heart... If you still want to keep getting to know him, that's great but if you just want to remain friends, that's ok too. He will get his feelings hurt but they will heal my dear. He'll be ok.

So, what do I say? I think you are right about a lot of what you said...but at this point I have lead him on and do not know how to tell him how I feel any more...

How I feel...I do not think it is going to work out anymore...I would like to be his friend but we took it beyond that point...I kissed him when we meet and told him I still like him because I didn't want to hurt him....He wants to lose weight, should I go into this thinking i can change him?? I think that is a No but I am so confused...

I would not think it necessary to tell him his appearance is a turn off to you. You can be honest with tact and care but I'm sure he has taken his appearance into consideration already. Maybe just to slow things down because you are overwhelmed? I think that's true isn't it? Or break off "romantically" and for the same reason?

You might just be in love with the idea of being in love & feeling a little lonely right now. You may not be "still" in love with him at all and were just enjoying the flirtation & attention....the way he was making you feel. I think many people are very different at 30 than what they were at 23 because you do a bit of growing during that time.

If you're repulsed by his size, I don't think there is a tactful way to end it without hurting his feelings unfortunately. If you were all flirty & into him via phone & texting for a few weeks & now all of the sudden want to "slow down" immediately after you met him in person, he's going to know the reason....if he was a hottie would you still be slamming on the brakes? Why not give him a shot? He might have grown into a great man but you'll never know if you can't see past his looks...

You said you were pretty active & he wants to lose weight, if you're interested, (as you obviously were after 2 weeks of play) why not try to involve him in your physical activities? You might enjoy his company and he might just lose some weight too. (but I wouldn't expect him to as a condition of your relationship though). I mean was he an asshole in person? Are you solely changing your mind about him because he's fat? What about the person you have been speaking to that you found appealing and made you feel good? Did all of that change after you "started falling for him again"?

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but you painted a picture of him being so great and are saying that you've changed your mind totally because you were disappointed when you met him in person by his outward appearance....check yourself girl.

Ashley be careful about being human and having standards, cause when I wrote something similar a couple weeks ago I was casted into the pits of hell !!! I had the same type of date.... so Im telling you your not alone I have attraction standards 2

Maybe you two should give it a whirl.....

lmao!!! :) I'm sorry..I apologize...hee hee...

yeah but Holycrp what if shes fat............... lol !!! its a joke don't chastise me for my laughing abilities

C'mon Intra, ashley's post was nothing like yours. You were totally disrespectful, when you made the unkind statements.

You cannot change how you feel. How about just letting him know you really don't want a relationship with him at this time?

Just be honest. Wouldn't you want him to be honest?

I really don't know. That's a tough one. Even if you decided to get together, you might still always wish for that person from the past. I think I would just keep it as friends for awhile, until you feel more sure. There is no rush, right? If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. Don't worry about decisions and stuff right now. Just have a good time, and enjoy yourself. All the best. James

hmmm....close your eyes and picture love.......then open your eyes.......is the image the same?............when they mesh you have found love.

there is no judge, it is human nature.

Ok, I will spill my guts on this one (no pun intended). The day before my sobriety date, I meet up with my old flame from highschool. This was the woman I fell for hard and got dumped after 2.5 years together. That is when I hit the bottle. The meeting was rather fantastic. The old good feelings came roaring back into my heart. I felt as if I was 20 again. We talked, laugh, she even kissed me at the end of the evening. I was feeling oh so good. We had been texting, and talking quite alot. Then a couple of days later I got the cold shouler. Dont know why at first. But then the memories of how it ended and why it ended set in. It was not me. Also, the things about her that bothered me before, were still there. We had history, no future. I confided in her my feelings and let it go. For what ever reason we were not a fit. I let it go. Over a year later I look back know and realize what a problem it all would have been. She is still attractive. I am pretty sure she found me attractive, but there was something missing. That is why it did not work 20 years ago and that is why it would not work now. We are human, we must find the other person attractive, wether it is spiritually, physically, emotionally. If the attraction is not there, then we are setting ourself up to hurt not only outselves but another person. Be true to thine ownself.

Did I miss someone mentioning the fact that he was just a tad bit dishonest (by omission anyway)? If you'd been talking and texting all that time and he kept putting you off - sounds to me like it could have come up in the conversation - oh yeah, by the way, those pics on myspace? Well, they were from a couple of years ago and I've changed a wee bit since then.

Just seems a little shady to me.

Go with your gut, Ash. xo

Just curious -- does he drink and party these days?