Your post sounds eerily familiar to me my friend. I avoided AA for the very reasons you do.

Interesting to me that I wasn't embarrassed about buying rum from every place in town that sold it, rotating where I went to pretend I wasn't buying it daily. Also, that I tried and tried to keep people I worked with from knowing but they weren't fooled a bit.

I have only seen 1 or 2 people that I know at AA. They joke that they were never embarrassed about being blind drunk at a bar, yet felt they had to sneak into AA. Believe me, you will not hear a single note of judgement toward you- only understanding individuals with a single purpose- to help those suffering from alcoholism. Take care and do whatever it takes to stop.

Live without it is WAY better than with it- but it doesn't come easily.

At this point I don't think AA can help you unless they have a detox center there. I been where you are. I tried to quit cold turkey in 2000 and nearly died. Thankfully some of the hallucinations I was seeing made me call the law. When they got there they thought I had did some wild drugs when I tried to convince them what I saw was real. My liver had shut down and I was going through alcohol poisoning. The cops took me into custody and committed me to a detox center. I woke up three days later not even knowing how I got there or where I was. This still was not enough. After detox and treatment I still thought I had a some drinking left to do. It wasn't until 6 months later that I'd really had enough. I was spending what money I would get on alcohol and when I ran out of money I would go through serious withdrawals. Tremors. hot & cold sweats. Couldn't eat and barely slept. I was so tired of going through the cycles. Alcohol finally kicked my ass. I prayed to God and made a serious promise to him. My prayer was answered. That's another story if interested.
Most people don't believe it but withdrawal from alcohol is worse than withdrawal from heroine. Both can kill you if your not monitored properly. My hope for you is that you find a detox center with in patient treatment and you take your life seriously. There are few places us alcoholics end up. A mental ward, prison or dead. With a little help though, if we really want we can learn to live with out alcohol. Please do not be embarrassed about getting help. Would you rather they find your body face down in puke? Now days there is a lot more people out there than you think that understand. Hang in there, you are not alone in this fight. There is nothing better in life than facing life head on sober.
Sincerely,
Bryan

dont be scared of aa. getting better is not something your persecuted for. if you run into people you work with then you just might make some new friends that could become a make shift support group for each other.I know out of control. i drank 3 half gallons of gin last week, then this weekend i snorted 60 dollars worth of dope, smoked some pot, ate zannies to help me sleep. hell im doing shots of tequila as i type this. just dont be afraid too have the strenghth too try an get help that will almost always end better than a week long bender. trust me.

I think the above needs to not be quite so graphic. The post starts in on aa and just goes downhill. This is a recovery place. The mention of various drugs is very in appropriate and makes me get triggered.

I will say that I'm glad I don't have chains to booze and drugs

I am glad I'm not drinking tonite as I read

1-2

It always sucked for me going in and raising my hand and saying it was day one back. I felt like such a loser and that the whole room was judging me. With 1.5 years sober I can honestly say when someone comes back raises their hand and says its their first day back my feelings are empathy and compassion.What people who've relapsed have to say is helpful for my own relapse prevention as well. If AA works for you then work it. If not try something else.All the best.

I went through an outpatient treatment program at the hospital where I was treated for the things that predisposed me to addiction like depression, ptsd and some others. In reading your profile, I see alot of similarities between you and the way I use to be before treatment!

I went through substance abuse treatment over 7 years ago and I am happier now then I have ever been! Had I not gone through treatment, I would still be drinking like a fish and probably dead by now.

I was worried about others finding out but the security at the hospital is just like fort Knox. My wife called and tried to find out where I was and nobody would tell her lol, I even heard the guy on the phone tell her repeatedly, "I can't tell you if your husband is a patient here and I can't tell you if he isn't!" I called her eventually and told her myself.

Talk to your doctor and he/she can refer you to intake where they simply ask you a ton of questions to determine where you are at, like how much you are drinking and what's causing it and I guarantee, they will figure it out because they did, me!

God Bless!

I should clarify my reply. I had 4 days of in patient detox before I went through the IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) Don't want to confuse anyone.

God Bless!