Hello Oo0ReneeOoO,

It looks like you have some important decisions to make. I am not good at the agony aunt stuff so all I can suggest is to be honest with your husband and true to yourself.

As for the drinking, it is important to remember that once you become an alcoholic, you will always be an alcoholic, even if you are no longer drinking. That means that if you drink again after a period of sobriety, you will soon be right back to where you left off.

The big question for you is, are you prepared to accept that you cannot drink safely either now or in the future? If not, you have a lot more misery ahead and if you are, then are you willing to look for help. You will find good support at AA meetings.

Alcoholics drink because they have become obsessed with alcohol but will dress it up in other language in order to justify their drinking. Being unhappy with your marriage may be a contributing factor but I suspect that if the magic fairy made it all good in the morning, as an alcoholic, you would soon find other reasons to drink, because that is how alcoholism works.

Maybe you do not need to share so much detail about your private sexual life online as that can attract the wrong type of response and distract you from the alcohol problem. You have now put it all out there and have had a good vent so what is your next move? Are you going to get serious about sobriety and seek help or keep messing up?

I wish you well for the future and hope that you keep posting here. We are all here to help and encourage you but we can only do that by giving an honest opinion, even if it seems a bit harsh at times. The bottom line is, we are on your side.

One ting since my sobriety that I have done is be 100% honest with myself and try to be with others as well. For me resentments accumulated and I got buried in the lying. Try talking to your husband and work on your sobriety. I had to make the internal choice to remain sober. Instead of saying you can't drink because of your medication say to yourself that you are choosing a healthier lifestyle. My whole journey changed when I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started to remind myself that I need this for me.

Thank you for your words. Got me thinking.

I honestly believe that your drinking is due to the fact that you are trying to be a good wife to your husband even though you are attracted to women.You are trying to do rright by him but in the meantime destroying yourself in the process. Your sexuality absolutely needs to be aired here because it is the cause of your alcoholism-drinking to be happy and please others not yourself.I would talk to your husband about your feeling.You can't change who you are or your feelings for women.Good luck:)

I agree with the others that you have to be honest with yourself and others. It sounds selfish, but you need to live life for you and do what's best for you because if you don't do that, I don't think things will get better.

I only do things that I want to do or are right for me because if I"m not happy in my own skin, doing the things I CHOOSE to do, I'm not going to be productive or useful to help anyone else.

If you don't want to be married, don't be married. Probably better to not drag it out longer than it needs to be.

It was hard for me to let it sink in that I had a problem, and I think that recognizing it and realizing that you need to deal with it are great steps in the right direction. Some people don;t get there until it's too late.

Alot of people on here are really really into AA, and I think everyone's different and there are probably a lot of ways to do this whole sobriety thing. I don't currently go to meetings and never really loved them, but I will say that doing the 12 steps with a sponsor changed my life, and I will never be the same (for the better). Don't get hung up on the religious aspects of it, it's only religious if you want it to be and I am NOT religious so I know what it's like if you're in that boat.

I wish you the best of luck......you are heading in the right direction

I drank to hide from myself. I had this underlying feeling of less than or not good enough. Booze let me be happy. Only problem was my liver was not able to process the alcohol at the rate I was drinking. So enzymes we're building up and killing me slowly from the inside. I was told by a dr that the only way I could survive was if I quit. So I did but I could go a week or a month, once I went two years but I would always drink again. This time I go to a meeting daily and have found how to be happy without the drug. My last drink was over five years ago. Life is just waiting for you. Go out and get it
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You need to sober up to think clearly - is your unhappiness in your marriage the reason for your drinking or is it the affects of being an alcoholic that are making you unhappy???

What strikes me about the two posts of yours that I have read is the blasé way they are written. I can only think that you are truly scared of how your life is spiralling out of control and are making light of the situation due to fear or you have written them whilst in drink...... whatever the emotion behind the post I truly think you need to be honest with yourself and only then will you be able to make changes to better your life.

Before I could make any rational decisions about my life and my relationships, I had to quit drinking. The stress of my own marriage and the stress of my life in general was triggering more and more drinking. Alcoholism is classified as a mental health disorder because it is a symptom of deeper emotional issues. I was able to see things much more clearly after going through a 3 week IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) where I was treated for the the underlying issues that were triggering my drinking such as depression and ptsd. Once I got those under control, it made
sobriety alot easier to maintain.

You can fix your life but you have to fix yourself first. The choice is yours.

God Bless

I've had more sex, and the wildest sex sober. It beat anything that I had, when I drank. Once I had sex, with a drunken partner. It was terrible. It made me wonder, how bad I might have been having sex, when I was drunk. A rule of thumb for all depressants is not to drink alcohol. It is not a cure for depression and makes it worse. Try a few months sober with the anti-depressant and see how life changes for the better.

Thank you thank you thank you all!
I will write more later when hubs isn't around.

Dear OP,
Wow. I'm impressed with the responses you got so far! Great suggestions for help and to get on with your life. I do love how it was written to quit drinking and start really living your life now. The alcohol messes up your thinking too, so the thoughts of wanting someone other than your husband is twisted around too. You are worth it! You must be feeling like you need to change too or you wouldn't be writing on this forum! So hang in there, we are here to encourage and pray for you too. You are blessed and adored! Never quit thinking that...