https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wa5IF7x-ziA

Hello Sable16,

Your concerns about not drinking are understandable and based on my own experience, I can totally relate to many of the issues you have raised. However, when you are standing too close to the forest it can sometimes be a case of ‘can’t see the wood for the trees’.

When a person has been drinking heavily for some time or when they have crossed the line into alcoholism, their thinking becomes distorted. The lines between fantasy and reality become blurred and all sorts of fears and difficulties get blown out of proportion. Things that have no basis in fact can become very real to such people.

To quit drinking seems like a huge and scary commitment to you right now but there are two propositions that you may wish to consider. The first one is that your options may be limited to two simple choices. Consider that alcoholism is a progressive condition that gets consistently worse with time until everything, including life itself. Is taken from the victim. Whether you are a heavy drinker and borderline alcoholic or whether you are already well over the line, you are in great danger of losing everything unless you are prepared to change. Your situation can be likened to someone who is on a train that is destined to crash somewhere before the end of the line. The passengers are all in party mood and nobody wants to get off when there is still fun to be had but yet some will leave it too late. There are still many stops along the way and you can dismount at any time – just don’t get caught up in the big crash.

The second proposition that you may wish to consider is one that makes the life of a problem drinker so much easier. You see, you don’t have to swear off alcohol forever as that would indeed be a huge and scary commitment. All that you need to do is to stay sober for today, for this 24 hour period. Don’t worry about tomorrow until it comes.

Not drinking will definitely affect your emotions, probably in a negative way at first but certainly for the better in the longer term. When the crutch of alcohol is taken away, those problems that were swept under the carpet are back to be faced. That is why AA suggests a programme of recovery that deals with living issues, but AA is not the only way to do it.

Drinking was a huge part of my life for about 38 years and for the last few years, drinking was my whole life. I wrongly believed that I could neither stop drinking nor function at any level without alcohol. Those beliefs were not based on reality but they were very real to me at the time. I can now see that my life was very much restricted by the need to drink and there were many things that I passed up on doing as a result. I was a bit like someone who was under house arrest for many years. Now, I have a great sense of freedom and have done a lot of things I would have never dreamt of doing before.

You have very real worries but maybe you are worried about the wrong things. What strangers think about you is irrelevant – it is what you think about yourself that matters. Are you going to stay on the train and hope for a miracle or will you get off now and make the miracle happen?

If you have concerns about how you would handle your emotions I strongly suggest a support group or therapy along with working closely with your doctor. I was lucky for awhile my anxiety increased, and I take an anti anxiety med that after consulting with my psychiatrist i increased for a short period of time. Your body definitely undergoes changes after stopping, but after you detox I have found most changes have been so worth it. I heard in my meeting once we only have to stay sober pillow to pillow or think I choose not to drink today to be the best me I can.

I needed not worry about being judged as every single person in the group understood what I was going through at my first meeting. I was welcomed with handshakes and hugs and I felt like I belonged. It was like returning to a family I hadn't seen in many years, and I didn't know anyone in attendance. I didn't say anything at my first meeting. I just sat in the back and listen. When I left, I felt better but I don't know why I felt better, I just did, so I kept going back.

God Bless

It seems to me that if you are wanting to drink earlier and earlier each day" then your body is screaming out for its fix and if it seems "a good idea to keep on drinking" then you have already crossed that fine line from problem drinker to alcoholic!
It has already been said in the replies above that alcoholism is progressive - it creeps up on us AND it is NOT prejudice to who it affects.
When people say the word alcoholic we automatically picture the vagrant living in the park with the cheapest bottle of poison in his hand - what we don't see is that that very person was once most probably a professional person with many degrees to his credit who had a high powered job and a loving family. That vagrant lost everything most likely because of his drinking whether the drinking was brought on by depression ,stress, illness, marital problems or bereavement only that vagrant will know!!!
For him there is probably now no help - for you and I there is the many programmes available. The only decision for us is whether once we taste that first drink could we stop or would we have a thirst to finish the bottle!

Me?? I know I would crave more and I refuse to become that vagrant in the park .....
As difficult and hard as it sounds - don't justify the level of your drinking because otherwise you will make excuses to carry on drinking . ........ and that is another typical trait of an alcoholic.

Much love xxx

I think you are at the stage of "I think I might have a problem with alcohol but I think I need to know more". Then at some point, you will likely pursuing learning more, when you are ready. until then, observe and accept yourself just where you are. Things will change anyway. I'm not being mysterious, I just know about the stages.

AA can be pretty negative and is based off of religion. But, there may be other groups in your area that are more supportive. I'm glad that you are so accomplished and that you don't consider yourself to be unhappy. Even though you seem to drink often, you seem to have it under control. So, maybe not at the "alcoholic" level, but at the level where you can tell that you are abusing it. That's kind of where I am. Stuck in the middle. However, you are still functioning and that is awesome. Maybe individual therapy could help you as well.

I'm new to this site. For me it's cognitive dissonance. When I was in my mid 20s I always said I wanted 1 or 2 myself... and that's always been the plan here and there. Here I am 10 years later, and I've never succeeded with this. 2 becomes 12, I have no control. I joined this site because I want to be 100% alcohol free now. Don't get me wrong, I don't think your goal is unattainable because my father has controlled his intake for years- many succeed with this, but I didn't. In fact I failed miserably, and developed a mind that rationalizes binge drinking as a reward, among other things- such as frequency. I've commonly only drank once a week- but it's always enough to blackout on, and wake up with a splitting headache. One step forward with the 1-2 plan, means a million steps back- because all it takes is that 2nd beer to see the world from a different perspective. Whatever you do, please don't try to ice skate uphill like I did the past decade- and be realistic with yourself. If you can do 1-2 drinks, by all means. If you can't ? You probably never will be able to. I don't think it's something that can be practiced or learned personally.