I want to everything to save my family and alcohol has been destroying it. I do things i'm not proud of or do I even remember. I have only one child...a 8 year old son who needs me to be his father and been married for 17 years and have given my wife every reason to kick me to the curb on many occasions. i'm truly an alcoholic and will do everything possible to stop. if i'm able to save my family that would be the best thing ever but i'm not sure. my wife is very angry and I don't blame her for wanting out.

i'm very thankful for your post. I really hope I can save my marriage and commit my life to my family. my goal is to stop drinking and never want to drink again. its causing too much heartbreak and its not worth any of it. i'm beside myself because of what I've done to my wife. we've all been there. totally not realizing what you are doing. I know its no excuse and because of alcohol i'm doing these things. i'm just so ashamed of myself.

Hello jva230,

It looks like you will have some fences to mend to get your family relationship back in order but as others have said, it can be done.

Many genuine promises are made in situations like this but unfortunately those promises often get broken and spouses are naturally reluctant to believe that anything will be different this time. Actions speak louder than words so maybe it will take action on your part to convince your wife that you really mean what you say. There are other ways and methods but going to AA meetings is something that you can do right now to demonstrate your commitment. Dont fall into the trap of papering over the cracks as no matter how remorseful you are now, after a time you may do the same thing again.

i'm very appreciative of your support

I would recommend Alanon for your wife. It will help her understand that you aren't a bad guy just a man who has a terrible disease.

Please know that most of us here totally understand. Your wife and son might not, but I'm positive they love you. If you are alcoholic; you probably need help. AA, some counseling and more AA has changed my life and the lives of my three children and family.
Your wife may come around as YOU do; or she may not. Either way you need to get and stay sober in order to have a life worth participating in. I know I did.
So please stick around; get yourself to a meeting immediately; and share where you are at.

I can identify with Pathgalon because the damage I had done made my wife 95% sure she was leaving. I got sober and I worked on myself, and I went to meetings and kept in close contact with my sponser but 3 years after I received my 24 hour honesty chip, my wife cheated on me. She told me later that she could not get over the problems I caused during the times I was drinking. They were always on her mind and caused alot of sleepless nights for her so when the opportunity came, she gave in to the temptation.

You see alcoholism is a family disease because it causes so many problems for the loved ones. My ex asked me for a divorce and I told her I just wanted her to be happy because I knew I could not change the past, only the present and I turned the rest over to my Higher Power.

About 6 months after the divorce went through, my ex wanted me back but I did not want to go back for various reasons, however we are the best of friends and still care about each other very much. My sponser always told me that good things happen to those who stay sober and that was proved to me over and over and my relationship with my ex is just one of them.

In my humble opinion. Get sober and stay sober and do all you have to do to keep the plug in the jug, so to speak. Don't worry about anything but staying sober, one day at a time. The rest will take care of itself.

God Bless!

I think this site really helps me a lot. Especially the friends I make on here. I keep a daily journal. Most days just bitching about my life. But it helps. I haven't been to a face to face AA. I just don't know that that is for me. But I did get introduced to a online AA video meeting. Which I find so helpful. I haven't done any 12 steps and probably won't ever. But what I get from the meetings is great and helpful. So if you want to listen in on one go to www.intherooms.com. Or don't. Just keep coming back here. One day at a time.

Mag you might luck into a great AA meeting in person.

Keep at it JVA. Bobinmaine has overcome a LOT and has stayed sober. One of my biggest projections has became Bob's reality: That I would get long term sobriety and really improve myself and she would leave anyway. That could still happen. I have shared in some older posts the crazy higher power stuff about my wife's own secret relationship while I was out drinking and how ironically it gave her enough love to still be here waiting for me, albeit by a thread. Crazy stuff but my higher power put the right man in her life at the right time t serve as a bridge back to me. Get sober for you and you will be able to handle anything my friend... Hugs, PG

Parth! You know how some alkies say, "my Higher Power never listens to me!" Believe me He does! but He knows better then we do.

Looking back, the divorce was a good thing because it released me from alot of financial and marital pressures I was going through at the time. They call that "Divine Providence" When our Higher Power allows something bad to happen to bring about a greater good! I hear stuff like this all the time at AA meetings. It's all about trusting in that Higher Power which is what the steps are all about. It is spiritual but not religious. There is a difference.

God Bless!

JVA, how are you doing?

I'm doing ok...I did drink 1 beer on Saturday night and did not want anymore...I was around several people that were getting hammered but I didn't let it get to me...had just 1 and was fine with it

Hey jva230, being Frank, I sometimes tell it like it is. If you think you can handle this without treatment or AA, you are believing a LIE. This disease has been kicking your ass for several years. Its stronger than you...right now. Team up with a doctor and/or sponsor, and fight against your enemy -ALCOHOLISM - together. Don't quit for your wife or your friends or family, quit for YOU.You are the one under attack by this thing. Everyone else is just suffering "collateral damage". from it. You'll never have PEACE until you win the WAR.

JVA, Do you want to quit permanently and live a sober life?

If not that's ok. You have to do what's best for you, regardless of what people here or anywhere else tell you.

But if you are seriously stricken by the disease, you likely will not live a long happy life while drinking.

I can tell you that I had many days or nights where I was able to have one drink only. But unfortunately for me, there were nights that as soon as I took the first sip, I Was off to the races.

My wife nor kids never knew if it would be an ok night, or a roller coaster night. This is why I stopped drinking. It wasn't because I needed to drink every day, or I was always drank.

I stopped drinking because I could not guarantee, with 100%, that I would be able to stop when I wanted to. After enough mornings of apologies to my wife and kids, and those episodes could be months apart, I was done.

I was a time bomb. I could be a well-behaved drinker 27 times in a row and the 28th I'd be stark raving mad. Now I treat alcohol the same way a person treats shrimp with a shellfish allergy. They might be ok if they eat, because it's the crab and lobster that really gets them, but they better not just in case.

I wish you well.