I remember my last night of drinking. I was so wasted and my poor wife was sitting up with me. I was in my easy chair and would sort of come back from being passed out and would be suprised to see her sitting next to me. All I could say was You dont understand. and she couldnt.

The next morning she turned on the tredmill at a early hour and said that if she was going to be up , I was. I was so pissed off that I was actually going to kick the door down and leave, go get an apt and drink myself to death.

Well during the time it took to get dressed another thought came into my head. Go to AA. So I drove around that day (Sun) and at 8 pm went to my first meeting. That was over 3 yrs ago.

Thing is that the drinker will not quit until the drinker is ready. I know this sounds harsh, but stop putting up with the crap. Make life worse not easier. make some pain b/c the only way is that the pain is greater than the relief.

The real thing is that the bottom line is that the problem is giving the drinker attention. Period. We want attention. Sooo just start ignoring. move along. dont enable.

Also go to an al anon meeting. You will find other ppl that are in the same boat. ppl that want to help you and want to see you better.

1is2many

My wife never told me to get help, because in reality the ONLY way an alcoholic is going to get help is when they want to.

Prayerz

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/wives-of-alcoholics

I can relate to your issue and am sorry you're struggling with this. I don't really have much advice because I have no idea what to do either, but just know you're definitely not alone. I know how exhausting and draining it is for you and I hope that joining this site and hearing others' stories will be of some help to you. Try to start putting yourself and your feelings and thoughts first sometimes.

I know that I will never understand because I am not and have not been in his shoes, I want to support him in his journey to recovery like I have been and I know he wants me to be there because when he is sober he thanks me for not giving up on him, I know he is a good person and I love him we have known each other our whole lifes and seeing him hurting and not wanting to be this way is very hard for me.

When he drinks he becomes someone else he wants me to stay with him by his side and then he will change his mind and not want me around and then will be upset if I leave and call me to come back to him even remember, I know all I can do is be there for him in his dark hours because I know deep down this is not who he is, he know deep down that this is not who he is (his words) "I hate that I am like this" It brakes my heart to see him suffer so many people have just given up on him and I do not want to add my name to that list ever because I the amazing person behind the illness, behind the fear tears and laughter to cover his pain I love him,

I will look into al-anon meetings I want to be able to be by his side thru this journey.

If many others have given up on him maybe they had some pretty good reasons.

Maybe it IS time to give him a little tough love and some consequencies.

Have heard many good things about Alanon.

Get a new boy friend

I highly recommend that you google alanon meetings in your area. They will help you deal with a friend or family member who binge drinks.

What he is going through is nothing that many others haven't gone through....It's call "Life!" He is using those deaths as an excuse to drink, IMHO!

You see what his drinking is doing to him but look at what his drinking is doing to YOU! You need alot of support for yourself and Alanon is the place to get that support.

In the meantime, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers,

God Bless!

People have given up on him because they didnt take the time to try they just see him as too much to handle when drinking and dont want to deal with it. If everyone in the world showed tough love and just gave up on those who care and want to get help what would the world be like.

At 25, you should not have to take on this burden. Why would you want to?

Re-read your post as an outsider. Truthfully, wouldn't you say to one of your girlfriends, "Dump this drunk loser?"

Or if you confessed this to your parents, wouldn't they say, "Honey, why are you putting up with this?"

Or if your future daughter was posting this, wouldn't your heart break for her?

You said yourself that he thinks his problems are worse than yours. THAT's the scary part.

Sometimes, alcoholism just masks an @$$hole. Take away the alcohol, and you just have a sober @$$hole.

I am putting up with this because I know his true colors I have known him for over 10 years we grew up together, he was my protector and my best friend, no matter how hard I fell he was always there to pick me up, when I said that he thinks his problems are more important than mines that is only when he is drinking, when he drinks the world revolves around him. When he is sober he is the most caring person with great ideas for the future and an amazing heart. I am not trying to sound like I am making excuses for him, he knows he has a problem and wants to get help because he is starting to see how it is affecting his health and the ones around and care for him. He is far from a loser yes he is a jerk when he drinks but that isn't his personality and he realizes that I see that. He means the world to me and i will not give up on him as long as I know he hasn't given up on himself. I know that this wont be easy but as long as I can find support to help me thru this journey then I know I will be ok.

The only way to kill Mr. Hyde is to cut off his supply of alcohol. You need to convince your boyfriend that he actually becomes some artificial monster when he drinks. He probably already knows that when he is hungover. Force the issue at that time (when he is hungover) and get him to admit that his life as an alcohol addict is out of control and you do not want to be around that person anymore.

I know you want to save him Dear. I just want you to be willing to consider the4 possibility it may not happen.

I agree with Buck. He needs to be convinced he has a terrible problem!

Going to alanon will give yuu techniques to help with that.

So how do you feel about going? Are you afraid he will be angry if he finds out?

I'd tape him next time he's being a jerk. If he's mean to you, it's abuse. Period.

So next time, explain to him that when he picks up the bottle, KNOWING he gets mean, he's basically premeditating abuse toward you.

He'll not change if he thinks he can have his cake and drink it, too.

Hello imlostpleasehelp,

You are to be commended for sticking by your boyfriend when others have deserted him. However, if you plan to stay with him, there are some things that you should be aware of and that you may wish to educate yourself about.

The first thing to bear in mind is that you cannot change your boyfriend. He will either seek the help that he needs and you can encourage him to do that or else he will sink further into the quicksand, with a danger that he will bring you down with him. As I see it there are three possible outcomes and it may be helpful to consider each one without judgement or emotion.

The ideal situation would be if your boyfriend would come to accept that he has a problem and needs help. If he is drinking in order to cope with pain from recent or past events then he may need professional counselling in order to treat the causes rather than the symptoms. If on the other hand he is drinking alcoholically and those life events are only justification for his drinking I would encourage him to seek help that is tailored to dealing with alcoholism.

If your boyfriend is an alcoholic and refuses to accept reality his drinking will get worse. In that case you can learn to live with an alcoholic or else leave him as others have suggested. Al-Anon will allow you to learn from the experience of other people who have dealt with a similar problem and to avoid repeating some of the common mistakes. In genuinely trying to help your boyfriend you can in fact make the problem worse if you are not familiar with alcoholism. It may be that a time will come when it is better to cut your losses and leave.

If you can step back a little and take time for quiet reflection you may also question your own motives and I say that without judging you. Are you drawn to your boyfriend because of a need to somehow save him or change him? There can be a happy outcome here but it will take honesty and a willingness to do whatever it takes. There is also a great danger that you could be setting yourself up for a life of misery. Thread carefully.

Also, do not stay with him just because you think you owe him because he was with you throughout your issues. You say 10 years... that's 15 - 25... EVERYONE has issues during that decade. But if you choose to hang onto this relationship NOW, then think about what's down the path. 25-35 are the times to build a career and start a family. 35-45 are to solidify a life and plan for the future. 45-55 are gearing up for kids leaving the nest. 55-65 is looking toward retirement. 65-75 is to finally travel and do the things you never could do when you had kids and a job. 75-85... you get the picture.

Do you see, "deal with my husband's drinking" during all these decades???

I think it's time to have the "Come to Jesus" talk with him. Quit, or I'm gone. And you'll ALWAYS be white knuckling it, wondering if/when he falls off the wagon...

The only thing worse then 10 years is 10 years and three days. The best time to plant a tree? 10 years ago. The second best time? Today.

Hope I don't sound too preachy or bumper sticker, but I've been through enough Hell on Earth to ask you, why would you want to take this on?