Sobriety has a way of bringing your anger to the surface. I am angry, deep down, and when it bubbles forth I need to deal with it in a saner way than suppressing it,  locking it up in a box, and letting it rot there until another drunken impulse releases it's putrid flesh to the room.

Too early for this drama? Likely.

The complexities & deep delving of my anger issues aside, i am finding myself to carry profound bitterness of not having done something great, something memorable. I see the window air conditioner removed by my brother from my father's room had been left not quite in the garage so it can get rained & snowed on, the proverbial pissings of nature, and likely ruined for next season. Who needs to pay for the aftermath?

Fucking me.

I pay.

Why do I get the burden of cleaning the wonton disregard for what it costs to buy a replacement, what "it sux" to deal with shopping and crowds, because he can't be bothered to find a proper spot? Here I will drop. 

You know what this person is?? Any guesses?

He's a saboteur. He has been designed to hinder more than help. He is there to create crises, like a jammed toilet I recently had to pay for, and then do nothing to improve the situation. He is family. 

Thing is, my brother has given himself over to being an alcoholic. He is spiraling and we are left with the aftermath. An alcoholic deep in their disease becomes useless as a person. Speaking from experience, I am useless beyond stowing chaos whilst imbibing. Total shit show is what i am saying.

I ask myself why I prostrate myself before this helpless cause? I burn my precious, limited life energy on a cause that I am having a hard time lending support. I've donated enough of my time to being a saviour figure. 

I am a meglomaniac to think I can save this lost soul from destroying himself. I can't make him care. I  can only see the sabotage that has already been constructed around my fight to stay sober.

Morose enterprise indeed.