Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Im new to this group and am having a hard time knowing how to deal with my mom. Im very very close with my mom and also love my gram very much. Ive been noticing more and more over the past 5 years or so that my mom gets very agitated with my gram when we all get together for holidays (pretty much the only time we get together). When my gram walks in the door my mom is instantly pissy is terribly rude to my gram. Recently my gram has been calling me and telling me means things that my mom says to her and I dont know what to do. My gram says that she cries sometimes because of how my mom treats her. I have argued with my mom and told her to be nice to my gram and she has agreed at times. BUT SHE IS STILL BEING MEAN TO HER. I cant help but feel like there is some deep seated resentment there for some reason, but whatever it is, I feel like it needs to be let go or they should just not continue speaking with each other. Holidays are tense and its really starting to impact how I feel about my mom. Hard for me to like someone that is mean to my gram.
As I said, Ive argued with my mom about this and sometimes she agrees and says shell try (but never does). Other times I confront my mom about things my grandma says my mom is doing and she beats around the bush and then goes back and is even meaner to my gram for telling me about it so Ive stopped confronting her. Does anyone have advice?? At this point, I feel like I need to just let it go. Ive tried, but I cant control the way other people treat each other. I told my gram to stick up for herself, but if she wants to let my mom treat her like that, there isnt much I can do. Any advice is appreciated.
As I said, Ive argued with my mom about this and sometimes she agrees and says shell try (but never does). Other times I confront my mom about things my grandma says my mom is doing and she beats around the bush and then goes back and is even meaner to my gram for telling me about it so Ive stopped confronting her. Does anyone have advice?? At this point, I feel like I need to just let it go. Ive tried, but I cant control the way other people treat each other. I told my gram to stick up for herself, but if she wants to let my mom treat her like that, there isnt much I can do. Any advice is appreciated.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
If gram is reaching out to you then you should at least check the laws of your state as use it as leverage when you have another talk with mom about it.
Good luck!
You meant to post on a different forum but it is still a good subject to post here.
Unfortunately you cannot change other people, including your mom. Arguing with her will achieve little or nothing as even if you win the argument she will eventually go back to doing the same thing. You are powerless over how other people behave but you can change the way in which you react to what they do. Maybe later on if you keep the doors of communication open you may get an opportunity to have a quiet talk with your mom without judging her or accusing her of anything and you could find out why she resents your gram so much. In this way you may get an opportunity to help.
There are great suggestions in the AA Twelve Steps for dealing with people like your mom and even if you have no interest in AA or the Steps you could still get something from reading it. The Big Book, Fourth Edition, pages 66 67 (can be read for free online) suggests that such people are spiritually sick and that they should be treated with tolerance, pity and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.
You have stated the answer you cant control the way other people treat each other and need to let go.
It really takes a lot to have a calm conversation and soaks in a lot more when you are able to have "calm" conversations. If the conversation starts to get out of control...you just calmly say...ok lets stop now..its getting out of control again Mom...I just want everyone to get along and be happy...we should stop this conversation now. Even with just doing that your Mom may realize the impact it is having. But if you are both screaming and trying to be "right" you will get nowhere.
Its hard to be in the middle..but don't say your in the middle cause then she will somehow take that out on your grandma...when you have the conversation...make sure you stick to how YOU feel about it...and calmly...using words such as it makes me sad....it makes me worry....I want happiness for you both etc.
Sorry Jayus..this is a tough one....
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Post-Traumatic_Stress_Disorder/advice/15915260-relationships-and-emotional-numbness
http://psychology.jrank.org/pages/391/Loss-Grief.html