Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Greetings! It is 6 am here and i almost slipped on ice taking out trash already. Yeah January! May my bones survive your wrath.
Anyway. I am still in countdown mode.. Thinking about an adult way I could dance around this shit. I wanted to make a Croatian torte and it calls for Luxardo in the filling. I thought i could buy some Slivovitz, a high octane plum brandy that my husband could stash for his parents to have a digestif after a feast when they make the long journey from the Old World, and then it would be under his control. My sobriety rests on him, and me meowing him to death until i get a cat treat.
I am just lying to myself, the way i lie to my doctor? First off, if you ever admit you have looked at a pack of cigarettes, they mark it in your record as a "smoker". Sucks to your assmar on that! The fuck you have that in my chart? Legit.
Meanwhile, i know i have softened the number on how much i drink to my doctor. Call it what you will, i lie to my doctor. "I adult with alcohol, just a glass with dinner or whatever." Ok. Sure.
In fact, as a person on the inside, they train medical people to assume that number is wrong and under-reported. They anticipate you lying to them. I watch "Untold Stories of the ER" and many situations doctors are lied to: there aren't drugs, objects, creatures up my ass, this is MY baby, this rash doesn't relate to the hooker.. I wasn't drinking when I crashed.
It's like doctors have to double as sleuths just to fucking help you! Like they are also trying to move along to the next thing and your bad decisions have piled under the rug and everybody sees it.
People wear their addictions. It is like an invisible shroud that changes the true person. Little anecdote; my husband had a co-worker who was into the heavy shit like bath salts. She & her man would occasion us if they needed a ride, or literally out of gas right on our block. I think he gave them a bike even.
Sooo... She shows one late summer eve, very unhinged. She says "he tried to kill me, they're watching".. We put her on a sofa, play a classic movie, made some tea & encouraged her to sleep for now.
Morning comes, i am awakened to a person's voice in my bedroom. "I think he's coming up the stairs. He is going to kill me." Not the words i want floating through on the songs of birds. Wtf?? She's in the corner, in a ball, talking to police about fictional people. Great. All are asleep as we get raided by police who are now concerned some shit is going down here.
Swat team clear, friggin lady dashed. She just decided to bring all these people in to search our property at a twilight hour, my children are waking up to cops looking under their beds.. and bounces. That's what you get for trying to help a person who has gone zombie. They will unleash chaos. Good times.
Ultimately he passed from medical issues, and she got clean. She was never her old self again. The drugs destroyed her, and the curse carried thru into her children.
I guess this is a full circle story. This lady lied to me, person trying to help her, and I lie to my doctor, trying to help me. The circle of lie.
The bigger picture here is that addicts can't be trusted. You trust an addict to babysit? You trust an addict flying the plane? You trust an addict in your life, in your skin? Do you trust yourself? Who Can You Trust?
Morcheeba. Very good album.
I know my addiction lies to me. It wants satisfaction. It wants annihilation. I want to be a person I can trust, but still lie to my doctor.
Please know that the only doctors i lie to are the bad ones and they had it coming.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
I had a feeling you might post this am. Was wondering how the internal battle over booze was going and who would win. Weird when it’s just you in the ring isn’t it?
Maybe it’s time to declaw kitty and make some peace with the end of an era?
I saw a sign last week that’s been coming up in my thoughts: Life starts outside our comfort zone.....This has helped me form an intention when I wake up. Go left when I usually go right.
Please give yourself six months. This is about the time when I saw that I was going to be ok. 2-3 months was still raw and uncertain about myself. Not the drinking so much as the unsteadiness from years of bad decisions.
Your writing is beautiful
One time I told the truth at the doctor's office when asked how much I weighed. Seconds later when the nurse weighed me on their scale I was several pounds heavier than what my home scale read.
The way that you romanticize the Brandy... it’s fancy name... the fact is you want booze in a tort to give you a drink...
Honestly you have helped me stay away from the bottle today so thanks
We will be here when the high octane stuff is gone
I remember ears ago, when I was in the midst of an addiction to drugs as well as alcohol, I accidently od and was in renal failure among other related issues and I remember the doctor asking me how many pills I swallowed during that day. Realizing the urgency of the question, She was nervous when she asked me which made me nervous so I cut the quantity in half out of fear.
Obviously, I survived and carried the guilt of that lie for years. I would imagine telling her, every time I had my yearly physical but I always chickened out. Finally, abut 4 or 5 ears later, I worked up enough courage to tell her the truth about that day. She chuckled a little and said, "That's ok, we always double the number anyway! But thankyou for telling me!"
It was such a huge relief to get that off my chest especially since she past away a short time afterwards. That is why it's important to be truthful to others as well as ourselves.
God Bless
Remember, a doctor is there to help us, they are not the enemy, we are our own enemy to ourselves when we drink.
And as for the torte, you know, as well as we all do, that is absolute bullshit and your way to justify having alcohol.
F..k the torte, and make cupcakes :)
If I could forgo christmas cake this year due to it having alcohol in it, you can give the torte the flick.........................time to man up and stop having romantic fantasties about alcohol, you are sober today and that is the only thing that matters.
"God keep me in awareness of the stories I'm telling myself in my head" - that's all they are, crazy stories and thoughts. take care x
The other part of that, the lie following you until you finally had to tell Doctor the truth and then the Doctor passes. I guess the gravity of that gets me. The idea that a lie is a thing that once we get away with it, we move on. Truth is, the Truth needs to be put out there. We are compelled as spiritual creatures to remove the lies from our burdens, to face them before it is too late.