The drinking was how I coped. I finally had enough and was so sick and tired of the merry go round and on /off , guilt,remorse, and shame. I didn’t want to but I finally went to an aa meeting and for the first time In My life I realized the problem wasn’t the booze, that was my solution, the problem was me and how I looked at the world. You say an online group or phone group, try a meeting and you will be surprised at how just by talking to ppl that have BTDT can make life ok. I basically didn’t have coping skills and needed help learning them. I was/am fiercely independent and would never ask anyone for anything. That’s why I abused alcohol so hard. It was my coping mechanism. Problem was it became addictive and I HAD to have it. Not today. I will go to my 430 mtg instead of the bar/ liquor store today.
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The abstinence and the therapy are going to let deep issues surface. Let them come. Look at them for what they are and send them away. I did this by training my mind not to go there. Every time a negative thought came up I patiently let it go right away. No dwelling. That’s your past. Your thoughts now are what will create your future. I know you are dealing with physical things too. I have near constant nerve pain in my rt arm and hip Nothing helped except shots. (of bourbon) That’s when I knew I had to stop. I made the choice to live with the pain. I have gotten used to it. In fact it’s a constant reminder to be vigilant. I believe I haven’t been given anything by accident.

I went through emdr therapy when I was in outpatient treatment. It caused me to have a few sleepless nights but then those painful memories disappeared forever and do not bother me anymore.

You may need alot more support then what you are receiving now. You might want to give AA a try or go through an IOP. It will help you maintain a sober lifestyle while going through therapy.

God Bless

So you understand, bobinmaine. emdr has been suggested for me also but never went through with it. Trauma. It's difficult to deal with for me. Causes severe anxiety and fear. So my therapist says we can slow down. I'll mention emdr to her when I see her. Thanks. I went to AA for five years. That was enough for me. Also I don't have a car.

Hi Kate, Your therapist is absolutely right. It is often better to do it slowly. If you feel you need to completely stop for awhile then that's ok to because some things take time Good luck to you.

God Bless