Hi Everyone, I am on here in a desperate attempt for some answers as my boyfriend has made me feel like I am crazy for thinking he has a problem. I have been with my boyfriend for close to 2 years and alcohol has always been a problem in our relationship. I have often wondered if I am just sensitive since my mother suffered from alcohol issues in my childhood and early adulthood and I also suffer from bad anxiety. In the first month of of our relationship he showed up to a date already drunk and I had a break down saying I was terrified of being in a relationship with someone who has a drinking problem. He assured me he didnt have one and it was a random occurance he was just finishing the bottle of wine we opened the night before. In the first few months of our relationship we would drink together on week nights and it was fun because it was a new and exciting time for us. He would get really drunk at concerts and events and would pass out on the living room floor or in Uber's but He always woke up and and apologized and I kind of just thought he would grow up the farther into our relationship. We ended up moving in together after about 7 months and I moved into his house. Alcohol has continued to be an issue as what I thought was us just drinking on date nights was normal drinking for him. He was drinking 5 or 6 nights a week and really only would take time off if I asked him to please skip a night or if he had a early morning meeting. Over the course of the last year or so his drinking has become progressively worse in my opinion. Somehow he makes every activity a drinking activity...go to the driving range, bring a flask...take the dog to the park, pack beers...go to the beach, pack beers...go on a bike ride, stop at bars along the way. We don't spend any time together where alcohol is not in the picture even just watching a movie at home. When I have confronted him about he will say that his job is stressful and thats how he unwinds (hes a lawyer) and most recently he has started blaming me for it saying that he has never had to much anxiety in his life until he met me so he drinks just to deal with that (my mother used to blame me for her drinking) Since Coronavirus started in March his work schedule slowed down so he has started drinking 7 days a week since he doesnt have to get up early for meetings and depositions anymore. He is also very reliant on chewing tobacco which is in his mouth constantly unless he is eating or drinking and smokes cigarattes when he drinks(sometimes in the house if he is really drunk). These things seem to be his security blanket because if I ask him to please stop or cut back he will defend them to no end saying he enjoys them and he wants to enjoy his life. He often tells me I am "ruining his good time" or being a downer when I get upset with him.
When I have brought up that I think he has an alcohol problem he thinks that because he goes to work everyday, has a good job and is not a raging drunk 24 hours a day like his uncles were that he doesn't have a problem. His dad has made a few comments to me in the past about how he liked that I am not much of a drinker and hopes I will get him under control. We went on a vacation last week and before we left his dad jokingly said to watch how much he drinks on the trip. His sister who also went on the trip with us mentioned to me that his dad thinks he is an alcoholic and wants her to say something to him because he is sensitive so I am not the only once that thinks this. When I told my BF about that he shrugged it off saying "thats just my dad, he always thinks I have a problem"
Anyways, the morning we left on our trip he was completely out of it and seemed weird. He ended up confessing he was still drunk from drinking the night before. I thought it was strange because I went to bed a few hours before him and he wasn't drinking. I figured out last night that my BF has started hiding alcohol from me now just so he doesn't have to deal with me "nagging him". He was trying to wait until I went to bed last night to drink but I figured out he had gone to the liquor store and kept the bottle in his car. When I told him do not hide alochol from me it became a huge ordeal and somehow has lead to him breaking up with me and asking me to move out. I have cried a lot to him over his drinking in general and he keeps saying its my issue and that no past GF has ever had any problems with his drinking. He has come to the conclusion that he does not see a future with someone so negative and with such bad anxiety and wants someone who will accept him as he is. He said so many hurtful things to me as I cried last night, calling me a train wreck and that he does not see starting a family with me anymore because he doesn't think I could emotionally handle it. He slept until 2PM today and hasn't said much of anything to me at all. I have no job because I lost it due to coronavirus and this has been my home for over a year. I am in disbelief and shocked that as someone who claims to love me he would just throw away a relationship rather than hear their partner's concerns. I have been stonewalled and he does not think he needs to change a damn thing. Is he in denial? How do you help someone you love without being a nag?
Being sober is my new drug.....................................and boy, I am so happy to be addicted to AA."I turn my will and my life over to the care of God".Amen to that one xxx