Self-control is what you build up, develop, create and learn by controlling your behavior
repeatedly. We should regard self-control as a skill. It is not a character trait or a thing
you have to have that lets you control your behavior. (or a thing that not having it
prevents you from doing so.) If someone says, "I have no self-control over my drinking
or drugging, or eating sweets or whatever," it might be asked, "Are you well practiced
at resisting your urges or opportunities to use or to overeat the wrong things?" The
answer would likely be, "No." This person is well practiced at giving in to those urges
and opportunities to use. (No criticism from me! I did this for years and years.)
Getting control over your urges and opportunities is like getting control over a bicycle
or roller skates or anything else. Youre not going to start out as an expert. You will get
control of it only by forcing yourself at first to act differently than you feel! (It looks like
the bike should fall over.) And it may feel very difficult or strange. But by practicing
over and over, you learn to ride the bike! So the reason people correctly "feel" that they
don't have self-control is because they haven't been practicing what would give it to
them. In this case, the skill is in resisting urges or opportunities to use.
Along with other related strategies, life coping skills, change your thinking habits, postive self-esteem and above all choices that can distract and resist those urges. If sometimes we dont succeed, we keep trying and resist
discouragement, like getting back on the bike if we tumbled! Those who do practice
resisting urges, after a while report that it becomes easier and easier to continue. They
have been exercising and building their self-control and now have begun to show a fair
amount of skill. In every day language, thinking that you must first have "self control"
before you can acquire a change in your behavior is "putting the cart before the horse."
In one famous study, children were left with a candy bar and told that if they didn't eat
it they would get two candy bars. The children who resisted the temptation while alone
were secretly observed using verbal self-reminders and distracting activities. Children
who didn't resist were later able to do so after being taught new strategies for better selfcontrol.
Things like learning that urges are time-limited, and they will crest and subside
if we stall and divert the thoughts to something else. We should practice doing this in our group to help you be prepared for when you are tempted. Learning about whatself-control really is, and using it to deal successfully with an undesired habit is an
important example of a tool. I hope this knowledge gives you new insight about
ways and means you can utilize to overcome problems, even very difficult ones like
dependence on or misuse of substances.

ameri--I don't mean to be rude but how much recovery and sobriety do you have.

11 months on my own then i relapsed. Now 2 months so far however I am seeing a highly trained LADC certified physiologist intensly everyday and doing lots of research as well. WHY?

gjm, thank you. this is life or death for me and i know it.

fear- today i fear my disease and that is a good thing. it means that i still have something to lose.
devon

devon, we both know ITS LIFE AND DEATH for us, and of course take it very seriously.

To,

Recovery

to RECOVERY!!!!!
devon

Thank you!

I feel a need to bring this back, because of the recent post on are disease and what it does. This is a perfect example of one post where a member on the site's husband died after going back out in the madness and dying after 20 years of recovery. For those of you that are thinking of taken a drink today that has this disease you might want to reconsider

TO:
Recovery

Bump to top

Thank you so much. I have just got really angry with a work issue, so much so that I cried and wanted a large drink ( I work alone at home). To try and sort my head out I came to DS. Your post has helped me get my head straight. A drink won't help, it will kill me. Thank you, from one very grateful alcoholic. xxxx

I have never ever thought of this from this point of view. It is the first thing I have printed off to give me inspiration in my lonely hours. Thanks very much. I am learning every day on here :)

I also printed this the first time I saw this. Still have it. Thanks.

thanks for the sobering reminder gjm. BUMP BUMP BUMP

Thanks gjm, It reminds me how patient alcohol is. Nikki

I don't like the line that says "you choose to have me". I disagree - nobody would choose to have this disease!