my husband & I knew each other a long time, great friends & always had a bit of a crush on each other but lived in different countries. One day I was back for a long trip and we decided to be together. He wasn't working, and of course was drinking a lot because "we" were on vacation. There were signs I ignored. He "gave up everything" for me by moving to the States..furniture was pretty much all, he had already lost his job w/no great prospects. He was in serious debt. I loaned him the money. We got married to hurry the paperwork along and were going to act a "real" wedding next summer. My first, his second. Unfortunately it was pretty rough from the start-he couldnt get used to the time change, the climate here affected him, he had a bad cold. Surely, his ills weren't affected by drinking all night and sleeping all day?! He said he didn't believe me that he would wake me up in the wee hours of the morning while drunk and argue with me, so I recorded him calling me the 'c' word and telling me that I'm a horrible person at 5 in the morning when he was coming to bad. One day shy of us being married for a month. Stupidly, I got pregnant right away. I cried my eyes out and he was ecstatic. Cut to half a year later, he hasn't done his paperwork, drinks all the time, lies about everything, hides it, refuses to seek help or better himself. I've depleted a huge chunk of my savings and can't spend any more because it's all I have for the baby and don't get maternity leave. I get up a 5:30 every morning and go to a high stress job while he drinks all day. He's been here since Nov, he finally did some jobs on Craigslist for a few weeks. Contributed a few grocery shops and half of one months rent. Then he stopped going to work because he had to ride with me and I'm a "monster" because I keep asking him to do my paperwork. We can never talk because he is never sober. 

As painful as it is-my biggest fear in life was to be a single mother-I have to leave him. He is draining me. I cried so hard the other night I had a bloody nose and he stood over me and asked "what's wrong" and then wanted my cash card so he could go get cigarettes. 

I desperation I tried to reach out to his brother who is overseas but thought maybe he could help. His brother was very concerned that I keep this all a secret.  

I know I shouldn't be hesitant. Just reading what I've read is horrifying. And my little boy won't be better off with a raging, disrespectful lazy drunk for a dad. It just still hurts. I will be so resentful raising this child on my own. I feel so undeservedly cheated out of all the huge milestones of life. He left me alone to get drunk on Mother's Day and 4th of July. Made me drive to my own birthday dinner at 5pm because he was already too drunk to drive. I don't want a life with him-I don't even have any good memories to look back on! I know it's soon to break up, and I had previously said I wouldn't do anything rash while pregnant, but he is cruel and makes me miserable. I wish there was another solution but there doesn't appear to be.