He called me. Agreed to go to meetings and classes and whatever it takes to keep me. Am I stupid for giving him this chance?

One of the hardest lessons in life for everyone is to love oneself. That also implies trusting oneself beyond a shadow of doubt. It may sound something like this, "I don't know what the future holds, but I won't fear it because I trust myself and know I will cope and move on." It is not laced with repeated second guessing because the trust and love in oneself is so solid and certain.

Only you can really decide if you made the right decision, but do know that there is a risk that he will fail again. How will you feel then?

I didn't commit to sobriety until all my loved ones and friends threw their hands up and let me continue my pattern of self-destruction.

There is nothing selfish or wrong in loving oneself first. It is the only way, in my opinion, to fully love another person. It appears that you are putting him first, before your feelings and what you deserve.

The choice is always yours, but as my mentor told me, "Just be sure you are willing to accept the consequences."

Being with an alcoholic can be an endless cycle of hope and crushing defeat. I am living it and I wish I had made different choices years ago.

Spend some time reading the posts here:

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/wives-of-alcoholics

This might help you understand what others who have stayed with an alcoholic are dealing with. He drank again after you had him leave. If you kicking him out isn't going to get him to stop, then I think he made his choice.

I admire your strength. Please put yourself first in this.

Hello Brokenheart1872,

You may not see it clearly now but you are doing a fantastic job so dont doubt yourself for a minute.

It must be very difficult and painful for both of you but short term pain is preferable to a lifetime of misery. All is not lost and there is hope that things will work out but for the sake of your own wellbeing you need to be prepared to accept the outcome whichever way it goes.

You can still keep the lines of communications open and support your boyfriend but I think that you need to stay strong and stick to your decisions. Your boyfriend is probably completely genuine in wanting to address his drinking problem but he may be confused and afraid. A person in that position will often be without hope and cannot see any way forward. The tragedy of it is that addressing the alcohol problem is quite a simple process not easy but simple nonetheless. You can help him by pointing out the various options that are available to him. He needs to see that it is possible to overcome the alcohol problem and that a sober life is not just possible but greatly rewarding.

Your boyfriend is probably still drinking and sinking into self-pity and wont be thinking clearly. You have demonstrated in your posts here that you have a clear head and a level of maturity beyond your years so you can be a guiding force. Therefore, dry up the tears and get reading up on the options that are available.

You and your boyfriend may or may not have a future together but that is written in the stars and whatever is meant to be will be.

An alcoholic can't quit for anyone but himself. Yes people ask loved ones to stop drinking, and some oblige, but ultimately it is on the alcoholic to make a conscious decision to want to stop drinking for themselves.

This guy drank after you kicked him out. He drank on your anniversary. He isn't someone who is committed to getting sober for himself. It sounds like he's saying things to make you happy. Only when I wanted sobriety for myself did it work.

I surrender for me. My family was the beneficiaries but I told my wife and kids many times I'd stop. I didn't until I was ready. This went on for 20 years and two marriages.

Sobriety is more than showing up to some meetings and classes. It's not about science. It's about emotions and feelings.

I know you are in pain because you love him, but be very aware of promises and pleas in a breakup. People will typically say anything (especially alcoholics) to pacify the situation.

Stop punishing yourself! You are doing the right thing! He needs to feel defeated before he will do everything he needs to do to get sober and to stay sober. Don't let the look in his eyes, bother you. Just give him a little support for everything he does in a sober way, thats all.....You're doing fine! Don't worry! It sounds like your separation is working and the low he is feeling is motivating him to get the help he needs to get sober and to stay sober!

Hang in there and stay true to your convictions!

God Bless!

Stick to your guns. It's very hard all around, but nothing compared to the misery that alcoholism can bring to a relationship. It's also working. He's willing to do something. Now just go about your life, and get out of his shit. The balls in his court now. Now just let it go whatever way it will. Don't get all wrapped up in his stuff.
Be thankfull for this, but remember that it isn't a guarantee. It's a start. Many of us alcoholics have slips, or relapses, and there are many more that die from this. The important thing is that we try, and never stop trying. The seed will be planted. Let it grow. All the best. James

Thank you.
This may sound crazy, but putting my feelings first might mean being with him. I'm happier with him. He is the perfect boyfriend except for his drinking. When he drinks, he just gets really cuddly and sweet. I'm pushing him to make things better for him. I'm confused.