I'm glad you are getting sober. As a life time resident and career exec in the Valley I can relate to the stress, but if you are alcoholic, you'd drink there, or on an island in the caribbean. So the sooner you take responsibility for your actions, and stop trying to pass the blame off -- the better.

Glad you are sober and stay that way. My dream was to visit SF area much less could live there I cannot afford to visit. There is a saying Where ever you go there you are .. it is not SV that is your problem I know that much . wishing you the best on your recovery. Alchohol takes it all From Jail to Yale .

I had a very stressful job that triggered my drinking. When I left outpatient treatment, I left my job and had a peace of mind, I never thought possible. I felt chained to my work and in leaving, I was able to stretch my wings and find fulfillment through self employment where I could be my own boss and make my own decisions! That was 9 years ago. Today, I have a great life, I live my life by the 12 steps and I have never been happier!

God Bless!

As one immigrant told me, here in Silicon Valley one can get a job, work his ass off, and barely make it. Go on welfare and barely make it, or do something illegal and make it. That's life in Silicon Valley. There is the constant stress of getting a layoff and looking for another job. Rarely does one go through his career without several layoffs.
After I sobered up, I found a job, where I love what I do. I am barely making it, but I am happy. This is what keeps me sober. I let go of the money dream. I am content pay rent that goes up every year. Why get upset? I change the things that I can change, and I accept the things that I cannot change. I no longer need booze to run away from life. Many people are depressed over the rains that cover the area for several days. I was singing in the rain.
There is two ways of looking at life. I always pick the positive. I have wonderful friends. My wife is happy. The high cost bubbles here always break. There are so many recovery groups here, dozens of AA meeting, Life Ring. Many companies here offer employee assistance program. I used mine to get a psychologist to help me conquer alcoholism. I went to a group secular group at the Palo Alto Medical foundation. We have choices that many on DS wish that they had where they live.

What a blessing, an alcoholic who gives me something to comment on.

So the problem is silicon valley, the competitiveness of the tech world, the cost of living...I thought only the southern energy industry was like that? Well here is a solution, phone King Trump and let him know he needs to tweet a command that we all need to stop being competitive, because that couldn't possible drive the greatest GDP in history, and also DM him that your brother being better than you is why you drink yourself to sleep every night, like a lot of "tech" people do.

This is all ego my friend, even my reply and unkind jab at your assessment. Please do take with a grain of salt, I like you I can tell so that is why I am giving you a hard time, happens to me more than 20 times a day.

If you want the truth, you drink, because you have a two fold illness, a body that automatically signals "more" when you drink, and a mind that obsesses along the exact same line as "more, more, and more." That is alcoholism, a body that reacts abnormally and puts putting more alcohol into the system above EVERYTHING ELSE, and a mind that tells the pysche the best thing for us to do is "drink more." Thank God alcohol is a depressant and makes the final call to pass us out, the ironic thing is it is not the alcohol that is the problem, and if looked closely, the alcohol the majority of the time from it's substance, is the reason we end up asleep! So the alcohol is not the problem, it is the body and the mind that like greedy little children want more, more, and more.

Look at your alcoholism like silicon valley or the energy corridor of the south or wall street. What are we taught in society, echoing your sentiment? Don't we grow up in the Country with the blueprint to earn more, have more, want more, need more, etc? The tricky part is not seeing that as a negative, which our alcoholism will do, the spiritual thing to do is to keep an open mind, and realize most people profit largely from that upbringing and after functioning in that philosophy daily, don't have to be passed out by alcohol after participating!

Ask yourself this question? Would life suck if you were embracing the competition, grateful you live in one of the most beautiful and innovative areas of the world, and seeing Northern California as the mecca of everything computer driven? You could live in the ghetto, where they just bypass competition and take from each other. At least there are some morals in silicon valley competition.

Now I am going to go big book and describe the instincts the literature explains all human being have. We all have been blessed with an interest in our financial instincts, our social instincts, our relationships instincts. You spoke of your financial instincts (cost of living, competition, etc), your social instincts (the research you've done to see how people in that industry also drink to sleep), and your relationship instinct (the mentioning of your brother doing better than you). You've got to find the flawed thinking or the incorrect thinking driving those three instincts.

I can tell you them, but I want you to give it a go. If your mind automatically revolts and says "flawed, me?) you are on the right track my friend, and we can make some progress. If you honestly give it a go, with an open mind, realizing you do have a body and mind that cannot stop, that there is a higher spirit or God that can allow you to stop, on the inside, and then say to this higher spirit or God "I want you to help" honestly, then we can work on erasing the negative influence of the ego, which is terrifying your right now I can tell, and we can start focusing on the higher self, or the positive outlook on the situation that will override any consideration of drinking alcohol, and have you sleeping like a baby.

Everything is going to be alright my friend, keep sharing, keep communicating, keep searching for your own personal happiness. I can tell you right now, it is not called the rat race to sound pretty, this world is competitive, it is cruel and misunderstanding, and irrational and all of the above, but nothing great ever comes easy, and nothing gets built without a tireless effort to get to the top, you're doing great just wanting to solve the problem and participating, keep up the good work.

Our ego's are very powerful and resistant to change!

God Bless

I drank because I could not handle stress. I used booze to avoid stress. When I sobered the key to long term sobriety for me was learning how to handle stress. It gets easier with practice. There is a lot of acceptance involved. With y cancer there was no "WHY ME!" I accepted it. I followed my oncologist direction. I listen to what I would face with the chemo and radiation and I did it, without being grumpy. I also used Mindful Meditation. it was a great help for my alcoholism as well as the cancer. Obama did not do what i wanted him to do in Syria. I realized that no one in power cares about what I think. So I let go. It will be the same with Trump. after the election I dropped all the politics in my twitter account. i follow scientists that i love. The result, I enjoy myself on line.

Thank you for all the responses. As I mentioned at the end of this post, I will quit and recenter myself. That way, I can look at what I wrote in this post as factual stuff. My plans are to take this scenario, look at it from both sides and work from there (focus on what needs to be done). How is everyone holding up in their struggle with alcohol so far?

Hello timoA,

What I learned after a lot of pain was that as long as I struggled with alcohol, I could never win. It was only when I gave up the struggle and accepted that I could not drink that recovery became possible. Once that happened, a lot of other life issues got straightened out.

My struggle with alcoholism is no longer there, I simply have had the obsession and desire to drink alcohol removed since I conceded the fact that I have an alcoholic mind and body.

My struggle to gain relief from self-imposed stress related to spiritual deficiency is chronic, and I focus on it daily, it is my life. Currently I am being tortured by a social instinct to satisfy those who my ego deems as "sicker than me." I am playing the hero, and if I look deep enough have a false need for control that is causing a resentment against other human beings. It is very painful, and exhausting.

I know the literature says that if I am experiencing pain and exhaustion, I might not be turning my life and my will over to the direction of God, and I still might be trying to run the show, not resigning from fighting anyone or anybody. Easier said than done, but a good goal for today.

Sorry, I didn't read all the other replies, so I may be repetitive.

So, Why don't you leave? You're clearly smart, and tech jobs are so transportable. Why dn't you move to a place you can easily afford and telecommute? I did that. Piece of cake. I had to retire (put out to pasture) when I developed rheumatoid arthritis and then became roadkill, but I was earning $65/hr in my pj's. Come on, Man. Just do it.

And don't drink.

One reason I'm struggling to figure out if I should leave silicon valley is because my entire family lives here (parents/aunts/uncles) and they do depend on me to take care of some of my family members (some of them have health issues that require extra attention). If I move, they'd have to move with me. It's a challenge to balance work, family and personal life.

For me, it was complete surrender to this disease. I had stopped for three months and then started drinking and what I learned from it was I cannot drink one bottle of beer a day. I drank everything I had and bought more until I passed out.

I stopped thinking about the reasons of why I drank and took small actions so I don't drink today.

I hope you quit drinking. I don't know how old you are but drinking does take a toll on your health.
Trust me. I have a fatty liver due partially to my drinking even though I haven't had a drink in years.

I understand your pain. I was in the TV industry for 20 years. It was a fast-paced flurry and alcohol was a major component.

Getting away from the industry was as challenging as getting sober. Hollywood was a drug on its own.