I didn't start drinking heavily every day until I had my only child. Sure, I drank quite a bit before, but once I gave birth, I was overwhelmed by my new role.....as well as feeling utterly alone, and "stuck" with a husband from hell who made my drinking look tame. I began getting drunk every night, and when my baby would wake up for a feeding, there was more than one time I didn't wake up and her father had to get up with her....which he gave me hell for. Long story short, he finally left because I was a terrible wife and mother, which is now a blessing. But for the next several years, I was the absolute worst mother, and I can't go back and do it over. Being a mother is so much more difficult than I ever imagined, even sober, and it does not keep a person from drinking.

Amen to that Scraphappy. Thanks for sharing.

Well parenthood is not always what it is cracked up to be.

There are a lot of parents who are estranged from their kids and in considerable pain because of it.

Tara said: "When I say I have accepted this, I mean entirely. I have accepted that whatever I receive in life is meant to be and whatever I don't receive is not meant to be. God knows better. What I do have hope for are the surprises yet to come that I will have a clear mind to be grateful for. I don't have expectations today - I can't.

For me, the entire process of accepting things as they are and having faith in a positive outcome are a big part of what keeps me sober."

That is so awesome. The bible tells us in Jerimiah that "Nothing is too hard for God" - the Lord knows the desires of your heart and I am joyful that you have hope and PEACE. I love the part about hoping for the many surprises that are to come!!!! INDEED!!!!!!!

What I finally accepted is that SOBER for me is NORMAL and that drinking was ABNORMAL. I always longed to be "normal" by being a responsible drinker, but for me, that is abnormal. Hope that makes sense. This revelation has kept me sober and gleeful that I don't have to miss alcohol or toy with the thoughts of ever moderating again - it's just not something for me and I can't tell you how much I have been blessed for aligning myself in God's will, finally. He's so patient with us - but this forum and it's members helped me come to this point and God knew that all the time.

We're so stubborn, but you know - who would we be today had we not gone through the things like this that have shaped us - I am glad of who I am because I am one in 6 billion - a unique creation of God set for His purpose and my experiences (even negative ones) can still be used to glorify Him and help others.

I would like to share real quick - that I went to a natural healing doctor who specialized in removing stresses (emotional, physical and mental) from people. He was great. He told me (since I dont' have kids and had miscarriage too) when I started a period after months of not having one that many women who thought they were menopausal started normal periods again and many got pregnant after stresses were removed from the body!

I rarely read posts but something told me to click on this one. Well you and I have something in common. I am steril, born that way, no choice of my own!. I have low testostoerone and no sperm. All my life I just wanted to be normal like everyone else, raise a kid or two who would take care of me when I got older.

I have involved myself with helping someone else's kids. I sometimes get asked to be a guest speaker to the kids in the Intensive Outpatient Program at the local hospital. I have alot of young friends here on DS whom I have become close to. Many call me their cyberdad and some even tell me I am more of a dad then their own dad is!

I realize it's not like having my own kid, but having a child means responsibility and that means alot of added stress. The rewards are great I know but I would lots rather help kids in some capacity without having the added stress of raising my own. I am happy and content the way things are in that respect.

There are things you can do without having to carry your own kid. You can adopt, you can be a foster mom, you could take in a foreign exchange student, just to name a few!

My point is, it's not the end of the world as far as kids go, you DO have options!

God Bless and TC!

Weird that you posted this now as it is something that is really relevant to me right now.

I am just approaching 40 and have no children. My brother has just had his first baby and it has stirred up all sorts of feelings for me.

I don't think acceptance is always something that we do once and never have to do again. I have feelings now about my life, about not having children, and about some events from the past, which are new and I have to go through a new period of acceptance.

The big difference for me is my general attitude towards this process. I am going through emotions of sadness, anger, fear, as I process everything that is going on. But also gratitude that I have the tools to do this. That I know this is a learning experience and I will come out the other side having grown.