Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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Warbucks 01/03/2018

Anyone have family or friends who are not that excited about your sobriety. I got in the biggest fight with my wife because I didn't feel comfortable going out with family and friends for pizza (I'm newly vegan) and beer (I just stopped drinking). I'm still very uncomfortable in social situations where everyone else is doing as they please while I'm trying to abstain. And although I look forward to being comfortable in these situations one day, I had just spent the previous day doing the same at brunch with everyone, and it was pure torture. I felt I'd put myself through enough for one weekend. Bottom line is wife really flew off the handle. She would not leave it alone, and insisted I go. She started calling me weak, and even got my daughter on the phone to try and shame me into going. I put my foot down and told her to get lost, and shelater apoligized for losing her mind. Unfortunately, becoming vegan and quitting the alcohol all in the same couple month has really screwed up our social lives as a couple, and I think this is just the beginning. Have any of you gone through this type of situation? And were eventually able to easily rejoin these social situations, with the same drinking friends and family members?

Cherished 01/03/2018

It was the same way with my husband when I quit smoking. He didn't smoke so he didn't understand why I couldn't go and just not let it bother me, but I was climbing the walls over it. Finally, after several arguments, I told him if it was important for him to go he would just have to go without me for a while until I felt like I could handle it. He didn't go without me but I would have been fine with it if he did. You can't expect people to pay for your decisions. Praying you get the strength to carry on with your life soon. It took me about 6 months before I could feel comfortable joining in with them again.

bobinmaine 01/03/2018

I found that people who have never had an addiction, don't really understand what an addict goes through so it was difficult to not put myself in harms way but yes there were times during early sobriety, when I did things I did not want to do, just to keep the peace in the family. Fortunately, I was always just a phone call away from my AA sponsor. if the craving got to a point where I didn't think I could handle it, my sponsor, always got me through those difficult times.

I could have fought and argued with loved ones all day and all night but I always asked this one question of myself: "Do I want peace, or do I want to be right?" I always chose peace and in doing so, I faced my fears and I am stronger for having done so!

God Bless

Miralee 01/03/2018

It is bad enough battling alcoholism and then on top having to justify this to the ones closest to you. Your wife's hissy fit was unacceptable in my view and I'm glad she apologised and you should be proud that you stood your ground.
When I first quit drinking back in August I kept well away from social interactions which was very hard. Actually I found this harder than quitting alcohol itself. My husband is not very social so that wasn't a problem for him but I don't think he ever and still doesn't believe I have a problem. That'll be down to the fact I don't go out with him so he never saw me at my worst! I managed a few visits to restaurants and bars and it does get easier in time but having said so I did relapse this Christmas and am now back to counting days of being sober rather than months.
I wish you all the best :-)

jstsng 01/03/2018

Dear Warbucks,
I want to tell you that our fight against addiction is entirely OURS. People don’t need to understand unless they want to, even the closest to us. It is the addicted part of your mind that is speaking to you and telling you that it is the opposite, and everyone has to arrange with you. I know it is hard, but the truth will eventually win and you will have peace of mind if you choose to.
God speed dear friend!

Cora_Belle 01/03/2018

I agree with jstsng.

You can't expect your wife to re-arrange her social network and activities because you decided to make some life style changes. Granted, it seems that see did over-react.

It is foolish to think that you can live your vegan/alcohol-free life in a bubble. You will be exposed to foods and drinks, attitudes and activities counter to you lifestyle. The sooner you learn to accept that others have just as much right to make their own decisions (good or bad) about their lifestyle as you do, the better off you will be. And you will probably get along better with your wife.

1is2many 01/03/2018

What have you done about your alcoholism. I found that I needed to find ways to cope because I had short circuited all things in life with booze.

I also needed to recognize my faults , jealousy is a big one for me.

Seeing ppl drinking beer and eating pizza is just a tough one but I just tell myself I am different from them. They might drink a couple one night a week. For me it was a dozen Every night of the week.

Bottom line is just ceasing drinking was not enough for me I needed to learn how to cope

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Kevin105 01/03/2018

Congrats on your decision to stop drinking and although I'm not married, I know the social challenges associated with such a decision. Drinking used to be the central theme of many of my social events and friends before I stopped 7 months ago. Now my circle of friends and social calendar has adjusted accordingly to exclude those occasions where excess drinking or getting high is the primary objective. Admittedly, being single this was easier for me to do. However, I think your wife has to be a party to your life choices and you need to have a heart to heart with her when things cool down. Explain to her these life changes and ask for her support. Yes, you'll have to be open to compromising and perhaps attend events where you'll just have to find something vegan on the menu and ignore the drinking, if there is any. In time, people will get used to this and just accept your new life choices, including your wife. Talk to her, defuse the situation, let her be apart of your life choice. Good luck!

labmom 01/03/2018

First of all, good for you! That is a huge step. My ex is an alcoholic who has no desire to quit and from a wife’s point of view I can’t believe she would not support that decision. It will take time and after a while you will be able to be around it but with it all being so new she should support you and not push it. I would have done anything for my husband to stop drinking. Stay strong! Hopefully she will come around and be the support system you need but don’t hesitate to get help from other sources if neccessary.

jeffneedshelp 01/04/2018

It’s tough to quit 2 things at once. That may be too much change for her to handle.

Let me ask, are you alcoholic? You don’t make mention in your post. If so, does she not see your drinking as a problem? Did your daughter not experience your alcoholism?

They won’t change their lives for you. What are you doing to stop drinking besides willpower?

I know I have an allergy to alcohol. If I drink, I’ll do bad things. I carry a Higher power within me that knows why I can’t touch the stuff. Being around it is no big deal.

Hopefully that comes in time for you if your are alcoholic and you treat it.

soberdave22 01/04/2018

Pray. Your wife may have put up with your BS for years. Simply do not go next time and stay home. Pray

71Thrive 01/04/2018

I have found adding some AlAnon quite useful to learn how to handle other peoples bad behavior!
Best

Warbucks 01/04/2018

Thanks guys. Great advice. One of the reasons my wife and daughters don't sympathize too much is because I am a very clever alcoholic. I love alcohol so much that I will do whatever it takes to use it responsible so I don't lose the privilege. I'm not a mean drunk. I never drink and drive. And I don't make horrible decisions while drinking, other than staying out too late.

My problem is that I'm dependent on it to have fun. Without alcohol I'm not very interested in socializing. Problem is drinking sucks the life out of me for several days afterward. It zaps my motivation, energy levels, and my happiness. And just when I think I'll never drink again, a day or two after my hangover is gone, I'm dying for some bar action with my buddies.

My family does not really see it as a huge problem, because it does not affect them like it affects me. In their eyes I'm just a guy who stopped having fun for no apparent reason.

Cherished 01/05/2018

Sounds to me like you have a pretty good handle on things. If you feel like you could use some help you might just check out Celebrate Recovery. It's group meetings that focus on hurts, habits, and hang-ups. Google it to find one close to you.

1is2many 01/06/2018

I was the last person to find out I was an alcoholic. I thought I was managing pretty well. My wife and friends it turned out all knew what I was hiding, I didn’t

And the other common issue is ppl have a feeling of less than and booze makes this go away. It lowers inhibitions. Also it made me hang out in a dingy bar and eat bar food.

Today I’m not that guy. I eat healthy and respect myself again.

I’m normal in every other aspect except when I drink one I want MOre

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Dragonfly1969 01/06/2018

Hi Warbucks,
Yes, I had similar problems. At first my husband was very understanding, then it was uncomfortable. I finally 15 months after becoming sober (I can't believe I've been sober for 15 months!) went to a new years eve party this year. I was a little nervous but by the time we left, I was so relieved that I made it through without losing it. Either wanting to drink or screaming at someone who was acting stupid because they were drunk.

When I quit drinking, part of the reason I quit was to save my marriage, so my husband needs only to be reminded of my stupid drunkenness to quiet him, or for him to quiet our so called friends who say shit. You are NOT weak, and never believe that. God Bless, and keep working one day at a time, you got this!
We are so much better being sober, and sometimes I think people are jealous that we no longer need to be "fixed" by them.

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