So I'm really curious. My only source of fun was drinking with my friends. But I just don't want to be around drinking, or them, if I'm not in on the action. I miss being around them and being drunk, but I have zero urge to be around them But I'm bored to death not socializing. I think I'm just impulsive, need attention, and need to grow up. Did any of you just drop the social bar life and move on to more solitary activities that fulfilled you after a while, or did you need to find other sober social activities as an outlet for connecting with people? Ugh. I don't like socializing sober, but at the same time I feel a huge void.

You sound like the old me (before sobriety). I always had to be in the center of excitement, afraid I would miss something fun. Until the "fun" wasn't fun anymore and the consequences of "fun" became extremely painful.

I learned that I needed excitement, chaos and drama to drown out the noises of my own head. The things I didn't like about myself that I didn't want to hear. The "character defects" I didn't want to acknowledge.

I followed the program of recovery as suggested by AA, identified those flaws in my character, have work to remove them (or at least not act on them) and have learned to love myself.

Fast forward 13 years, I can sit in the quiet of my head and find peace instead of self proposed recriminations. I am completely comfortable both in social situations with drinkers and non-drinkers alike and also in pursuit of solitary passions.

Hi Warbucks
Maybe what you need is to get involved in something worthwhile. If you could get involved with a group and start focusing on helping others instead of sitting around thinking about your problems it could probably help you get through this life change. I think I mentioned Celebrate Recovery earlier. I know several who have gotten involved with it and they say they have received more confidence in themselves and been blessed beyond belief just by being a part of helping others and by being helped by them. What would it hurt to step out and give it a try? If it's not for you nothing lost.

funny thing I should read this today. First thing is congrats for making a positive lifestyle change! When I sobered up, I expected a ticker tape parade when I deserved a kick in the pants. I didn't get pats on the back at home for doing what I should have been doing all along. And I couldn't expect my family to be understanding. They couldn't relate.

I went to AA and found those who could relate. When I first sobered up, when I wasn't at a meeting, I would sit at home twiddling my thumbs and thinking of (me), what else? Before I knew it, I was busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!

Because of AA, I was shown that inner part of me that I didn't want to believe because it was so painful. You see, I was an alcoholic 24/7. Even though I drank at home, my family knew that once I had a drink in my hand, I was emotionally absent. A simple "sorry" wasn't enough. I had to get into action. Try a meeting. It won't cost anything. It could change your life beyond anything you could imagine.

A massive well done in making some positive life changes but be careful that you don’t put too much pressure on yourself Warbucks! Quitting the booze and becoming vegan could take its toll on your health - whilst the booze would have had a negative affect on your body by damaging stem cells linked to all sorts of problems but it also impacts on your immune system. It may be worth considering a healthy well balanced diet for a few months in early sobriety to ensure a you consume the vital nutrients that are essential for the body's healing. If you continue your vegan diet make sure you consume plenty of vitamin a, vitamin d, vitamin e and vitamin k rich foods.
So far as support is concerned, life changing decisions often lead us to consider our circle of friends and social activities. Your wife should support you in your decisions to avoid events that you find difficult and should encourage you rather than criticise you. That said if she’s unaware of the true extent of your relationship with drink then of course she may not fully understand how her actions/behaviour impacts upon you? Maybe a honest conversation with her is needed?

Wow! Thanks again guys. I appreciate all the valuable feedback. I felt a real sense of calm come over me while reading your responses. I'm definitely putting a lot of pressure on myself, and sobriety. I want to feel better not drinking than I do when I'm drinking. And right now I feel great physically. I'm in the best shape of my life. I've got back all my productivity, energy, etc, but I know I am very much craving a night on the town. I'm the type of person who could pull off a weekend bender and then not drink for a month. Rinse, repeat, for the rest of my life-- and stay out of trouble in the process. But I can guarantee you that one weekend per month will be the ONLY fun (by fun I mean an uninhibited relaxing laugh fest) I have all month. I need to get to the bottom of this and find out why the hell I'm unable to have an extremely fun time without a drink in my hand. I'm also curious why I could care less for my drinking buddies unless I'm drinking with them. I mean I don't even want to take a call from them unless we are making plans to meet up and party. Is expecting (hoping) to one day have as much fun sober as I do drinking a little too high of an expectation? Drinking wipes out our inhibitions with a chemical. So is it unfair so expect to have that same comfort level sober some day?

Hate to tell you this, but the reason you couldn't care less about your buddies unless drinking is involved is because it is the drinking that matters to you, not enjoyingv the company of friends.

You are not interested in social events, you are interested in drinking events under the guise of "getting together with friends" where it is more acceptable to get tanked as opposed to getting tanked by yourself at home...

Alcohol is a depressant. When my body is minutes away from a drink a huge amount of endorphins are released, to counter act the coming depressant. This is a hallmark of the alcoholic brain. There have been mris done on a brain of a normal drinker and the alcoholic. The normal drinker has some activity but at the time of that first drink, the alcoholic brain lights up like a Christmas tree.

The issue is that over time the way we get a feel good endorphin release is by knowing that the depressant is about to be delivered. That’s the man I’m ready to get ripped time.

The brain is needing to be rewired and this takes time and training.

Today I get the endorphin release from a goods days work, or my boxing class, or the best is when I help out another person. I get the endorphin release other ways and not thru a chemical that is addictive and it is a depressant. Along with all the sugar from the mixer and the crap bar food. Honestly I don’t miss it one bit but that took some time and effort

The bottom line is to have self esteem. To be confident, not cocky...

To have self esteem, one must do esteemable acts

Good luck and find some things that make you happy and pursue them

1is2many

Spell caster my as
Spam caster more like

Your resolve is admirable, friend. That said, I’d suggest that you share your honest struggles with your wife, and I’m sure that she will be more supportive of your situation. God’s best to you, friend!