Welcome back to D/S. It sounds like you were doing all the right things that normal people should do. The truth is you're not a normal person. You're an alcoholic and drug addict. You made no mention of what you were doing to fight against that first drink or that first pill. You see Chris we have to have that defence because we have a disease that will convince us that we can use and drink again. We are willing to gamble everything we worked so hard for regardless of the consequenses. Thats the disease in its purist form. Logic plays no part in our decision to drink and use. Thats why we have the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. We develop a new relationship with our higher power ,working the steps to the best of our ability and get a sponsor who we can call when we feel that urge.We must put our sobriety ahead of everything. Our children, our school, our girlfriends everything. Because with out sobriety none of those things will matter.If you havent already started going to AA I suggest that you do.You can get back to working the steps and making your just amends when the time comes. For now you need to get clean and sober anyway you know how..Detox? In patient program what ever it takes. Then you can thank God for the strength to do the right thing . One day at a time Chris. First things first. Get yourself sober. Greg

I got sober real Young and I thhink the most important thing I heard was safety and drinking and drugging for Me. Had ran its course a sober reality much better :) Its your call...
Billy

Sounds like you have a lot of great stuff going on...maybe you stopped making sobriety your first priority? without it, the rest turns to dust.

This is what untreated addiction does. So whats your plan?

I sure don't know WTF your doing. You have custody of your 4 year old? Is that why you are afraid to tell someone for fear of losing her? The most important person KNOWS and lying to yourself will destroy everything you built. Get help ASAP or at least get your daughter out of harms way. Think of HER for just one minute. What is HER future going to be? You are risking HER life as well as your own.

It may take you losing everything in order for you to quit. I hope that is not the case. You are lying to everyone but when you start lying to yourself then you have a problem.
The disease of alcohol and drug addiction is the only disease that tells us we don't have a disease.
You can take the alcohol away from a drunk horse thief but then you still have a horse thief.
AA not only helped me quit drinking and drugging it also helped me to get down to the causes and conditions of why I drank.
I thought drinking and drugging was my problem, I found out the drinking and drugging was my solution to my problems.
The 12 steps helped me to look at the real problem "ME"
I have been sober for over 4 years

you need to check out going into a rehab...getting clean again is going to take some time and efforts....

Hello ChrisGo,

You ask the question:What am I doing and that is the same question I would ask you. I have no experience with drugs other than alcohol but it is my guess that a common solution would deal with all of your issues.

You have not mentioned if you have any programme that will help you to a different way of thinking. Without such a programme such as the Twelve Steps or some alternative it is likely that you will eventually go back to what you were doing before. As you are vice president of the psychology club it may be more apparent to you than to most people that stopping the chemical, without taking further action, does not fix the mind or remove the desire to use again.

You have one year of sobriety and that can never be taken away from you. Now, it is time to get honest with yourself and with other people and to look for help. You have everything to gain and everything to lose so my suggestion to you is to take action without delay. Do it today.

I don't even know where to begin, I guess first of all I should have mentioned that I only have my daughter every other weekend and I have not done any drugs or drank anything when I've had her (of course I would justify my actions). A lot of you asked if I had any kind of program, the answer is no, well not really. In the beginning of my sobriety I was going to a christian meeting called "The Most Excellent Way" once a week. It was somewhat helpful but in the end there was two reasons it didn't really work for me: this was a meeting my dad invited me too and attended regularly, so I didn't really feel like I could fully open up and the second reason was that I couldn't really relate to anyone there and the one girl I could relate to I ended up sleeping with and of course I got a lot shit for that and it ended up being too awkward to go back. Having said that, I know there are hundreds, if not thousands, of other meetings I can go to but for me it's just that first time that its so hard walking through that door.
Another thing some of you mentioned is that I need to get honest with everyone, well I understand that and I agree but I risk losing my place to live if I do that. I think I will get some sobriety under my belt first, then tell everyone. Not sure what else to say . . .

Hello ChrisGo,

If I was in your place and knowing what I have learned in the last few years I would check our AA and NA. You just need to be completely determined to do all that is necessary if you want to get your life back.

You dont have to fit in or to identify with other people at the meetings; you are there for you and what they do is their business. Dont look at how other people are different but rather what you have in common and at the end of the day, all addicts are pretty much the same. Recovery depends on changing your thinking and a programme that deals specifically with addiction is your best bet. In some places there are also Relapse Groups organised by the health authorities and some people find them helpful.

Recovering from addiction is not easy and requires that some uncomfortable decisions are made. If you really want recovery and want to give your little girl a decent life you will be willing to make those decisions. The alternative is to carry on as before but the problem with that is that it gets worse over a period of time, never better. Right now, you have a choice about which path to follow and I hope that you will make the right decision.

Chris - I'm 59 yrs old, and have battled with addiction most of my life. It's a lifelong daily battle, but don't give up on being sober. You are right, you have so much to live for and your addiction is stealing it from you. So keep fighting the temptations to get hight, keep reaching out for others who can support you, and keep believing that you will overcome this deadly disease. It doesn't matter if other people notice that your high, it's about what you want for yourself. It's obvious you don't want to get high, and want to be a good person. That's a huge step, and the right direction. I really wish you the best and compliment you for your effort.

So so sorry. I can relate. I've had 2 years 2x...not in AA but white knuckling it, and when I was pregnant. I had an epic fall each time, and each time the absolute heart breaking love I had for my children didnt stop me from drinking. Or other bad behaviour.
the only thing that has worked, so far, a day at a time is the full program of AA.
So get back into a program. you do have to much to lose and you know it.

Hang in there. Tell the people in a meeting. If you have a sponsor tell him immediately. If not, get one.

Chris,
The only one you need to be honest with is yourself. When boy meets girl on AA campus and are making meetings together it`s much harder to be honest when sharing. Add to that your dad being there to. Don`t bill board your self among your peers they don`t need to know , it`s call anonymous for a reason. Pick your self up dust yourself of and start over. That`s what success is. You got straight A`s but that wont keep you clean, self knowledge availed us nothing. We had to find a power by which we can live.
You know what to do..

The longer you stay in your relapse-the harder it is to get out.

Get out NOW. It is like being in quicksand-you step in it and don't get out immediately-grab anything that will save you (sounds like you need some one on one support) or sink and suffocate.

Now or never-get the hell up.

First of all, thank you all so much for all your support and words of wisdom, I really appreciate it. So, as if it weren't already complicated enough I just found out that my dad thinks that it is his wife (who is also a recovering addict and alcoholic and who's drug of choice is prescription pills) that is the one stealing his Oxycontin out of the safe. He confided in me, telling me not tell anyone but Jodi is taking pills again. Ton of bricks right to the pit of my stomach. I wish I had the balls to tell him right then and there but I choked. Now I know for sure I have to tell him, I can't let her take the fall. It would completely ruin their marriage. God, I'm such a douche-bag! I know what I need to do. I'm screaming on the inside, telling myself to just do it. Yet, I'm just idle, I feel frozen.