If you felt more and more apprehensive about the antabuse you should have just told your counselor you weren't ready. Seems to me like a pretty lame excuse to drink. And now your plan is to lie to everyone?

Why don't you confess to the people you plan on lying to?

Hey there! I came on to vent, too, but now I think I'd rather talk to you.

Is it possible to be honest with your counselor? If not your counselor one person? If nothing else, you're here being honest.

I struggle with anxiety and it's worse with appointments and group settings. I once signed up for an intensive outpatien program, people put a lot of effort into making room for me. Finally, when the day came, I made it all the way there...sat down...made my name tag...left for the "bathroom" and never went back. Bawled my eyes out. Couldn't even lie about it because they SAW ME THERE! (I think alien abduction in the ladies room was my only option.)

Long story short...the counselors took me back with open arms and are finding different resources for me to access.

But, yes, no antabuse. And a choice...how far is this "meltdown" going to go? Don't get so focused on "shame" and feeling like you have to hide that you just end up hiding and drinking. When you sent to bed last night, sounds like you had a plan in place. This morning you didn't execute it, but that doesn't mean you can't attempt to follow that plan again. Or find another one. Just seems that if you have fears related to taking the antabuse, your counselor should be there to help you.

Ok...I'm rambling now. Take care!

Jan, ok so you drank. please be honest with you,re councellor they,ll know anyway . They have heard every excuse under the sun before. Be honest and move on to better things hiding and lying is miserable. Please call you,re counsellor.

Yeah, I agree w/ EJG. Be honest. I know if I were apprehensive about taking antabuse it would only be "just in case" I want to drink.

You don't need to start the insanity all over again, Wease. Keep it green. How easily we forget! I will never forget one of your last ones. Make sure YOU remember it. It reminded me a lot of myself.

xo
~Chris

Be honest. Why not avoid one more thing to regret tomorrow?

You were honest by coming here and sharing that you drank, you didn't have to do that, could have kept it all a secret.

You may have to finish out the drunk, but the fact that you confessed here is a credit to you.

Try and get some sleep.

Lochlass xx

You really need to be honest. People can only help based on the information they have and if they dont have acccurate information then they cannot give you the right help.

if you tell your counsellor what happened then you will both be able to use this to plan how you move forward in the best way. If you dont tell him then all the work you do together will be based on a lie and it absolutely wont work out.

Also I doubt very much if you drank because of the antabuse per se. The antabuse was to stop you drinking - you drank to avoid taking it - that suggests a certain ambivalence to not drinking - that is something you need to think and talk about - you wont be able to do that with your counsellor if you havent been honest.

"I have to lie now". No you don't. That's a choice you make.

Wease,

So why are you playing antabuse roulette with an authority figure? Wouldn't it be easier and more pleasant to just go to AA and be among equals, a drinker among drinkers and a liar among liars who've nevertheless found a common solution?

Ugh.....you guys are so helpful me. You point the things I don't want to admit. Yep, I was afraid of the antabuse because I was afraid of the ultimate commitment. I can't promise I will confess to my counselor, although by her tone when I called she already knows. It isn't because I don't want to share it with her. I will lose some much needed assistance if I do. You have to be 30 days clean to receive it. I really need the help. We are going under financially quickly.

This morning I woke up and immediately started to think drink. But i can't drink because you need 12 hours w/o alcohol to safely take the antabuse. The seed was planted.....alcohol or antabuse....eenie meanie minie moe...I chose the wrong one. Monkey by the toe I bought the wine. And yes, it was a decision as were my lies.

New plan....recuperate tomorrow. No booze. No overthinking. Commit. Wednesday go in to treatment, take the pill and feel confident it won't hurt me. It won't because I have comitted...no more booze...no more lies.

Thanks for the insight.

For God's sake Wease, give your car keys to your husband. When we drink, history has a way of repeating itself. What happened to getting involved in AA?

Lies...drinking.....lies....drinking....more lies....more drinking. If ever there was a match made in heaven huh?

Well, I think it was pretty brave of you to come here and confess.. and in great detail of your plan and what is going on with you now. You are being honest with yourself and this is so important. I think you are taking care of yourself by not going to eat the antabuse after knowing what it will do to you. Not very many people care enough about their bodies. Some will take it regardless and vice versa. I think that stuff should be banned. Anyway, so I think it's a good sign that you have some desire to take care of your body. On the other hand, I hope you can work on something with your counselor so that when the eenie-meenies start talking, you can have a plan ready to go. Sending you some extra positive vibes. hugs xxx

Perhaps your just not ready. Nothing wrong with that. Lots of times I thought I was ready, but the truth was I still wanted to drink, but I wanted to live sober too. Totally impossible to do. You need to make up your mind. Do you still want to drink, or do you want to try and learn to live sober. Looks like honesty is your biggest problem right now. make a decision right now, and stop putting yourself through this. I'm sure it doesn't feel too good lieing, and having to sneak around about it. If you aren't ready, you can still always come back when you are. Wish you all the best. James

Oh -- don't we all need to be honest. I will lie at the drop of a hat, LOL!!!!! I too think it takes guts to admit it when we lie. Thing is -- we don't have to keep lying, don't have to dig lies any deeper; We can stop!!! We can live honestly. We recover!!! We do what alcoholics do; we drink -- until we recover!!

Go to some meetings, get some phone numbers, hang with some folks who are working a honest program, follow a few simple suggestions, and you can get from the down under.

Keep posting!!!!