Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
So resentments come and go for me. I've always been an angry person. At first drinking helped me not to feel angry, it would make me happy as if nothing else mattered but as my drinking progressed I became a truly angry drunk and all those feelings I held in came out in blackouts I would do things I never would have done sober. This past summer I moved back home with my family so I could get my life back together and get sober. I have one week away from 9 months clean and sober, God willing. But my family is really getting on my nerves. It's so hard. As I get better I feel like they only get sicker. I pray every morning for them and sometimes every night too. I love them. But they can make it so hard for me to stay sober with how I am treated. My alcoholic mind wants to tell me this is a good reason to drink. Today however I know it's not. That is no longer my solution. I think they are getting to me extra since I have been sick and home more then usual. I am still crazy but I am healing and they aren't. And I feel like they want to bring me down with them sometimes. It's just so hard to accept life as it is and let go and trust God with this one. Anyways I know that God and aa and now this group has gotten me to where I am today. Drinking is no longer my solution and that is a true miracle. I'm so grateful I have places and people I can share this stuff with to help me let go. And it's when I don't want to share and I just want to cry and isolate and beat myself up that I know I need too. Especially cause I didn't make a meeting at all today and I can feel it. But it warmed my heart to get on here and have 8 notifications. I AM NOT ALONE. You all and God are my solution today! Thank you for being a part of my journey. Anyone else struggle with resentments?
-
check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
-
Hope the dog days of summer aren't getting you down!
I will say that a resentment found me and drove me away from another 12 step program that I was struggling with....but now I am back and that person who had done me wrongly and had been so trusted as my sponsor in that program is no longer attending those 12 step program meetings....and I am back and taking more actions than I did before to find the God who will restore me to sanity around my issues with debting and money....DA is the program that I left years ago after my then sponsor ripped into me like I had never been ripped into before....it and then another person online also ripped into me and I left DA in the dirt that I dropped it in.....made sense at that time due to resentment....but now I am back and am doing more than before....and still wanting to do even more.....to totally become solvent and no longer have any unsecured debts....that is my current goal which wasn't back then...back then the darn goal was to get the heat off my ass and not dig any deeper than needed into debt.....
see anything in that which makes any sense about resentments?
Resentment is the number one offender. I went through a phase were "everyone else was sicker than me", and I found that it was my ego and my alcoholism creating an argument that wanted me to buy in, so I would ultimately think a drink was a solution. A remedy for me is countering any resentment I have against another person with an asset they have. Alcoholism is a disease of perception, and the negativity of alcoholism sometimes can give us a line of perception that blows others "wrongs" out of proportion. Whenever I compare my own defects, with the person I resent, I find we actually have things in common, and deep down inside I am upset with myself just as much as the person I have the resentment for.
If you are in close quarters with those making your resentful, you can do two things, both preferably the entire time you live with them and resentment is involved. The first is admit they are not perfect, and also that if they could not be sick, they would not be sick. People only do the best they can, and sometimes they can do nothing else but act in spiritually sick ways. You can counter their sick ways, by treating them with love, respect, kindness, and a positive attitude, most of the time that is the jolt they need to get out of their own funk. Second, you can look for your own attributes that could make others resentful at you, and if they forgave you for that, or tolerated that, it might just be your turn to return the favor.
It's harder to love, but much more rewarding.
Thanks.
God Bless
Learning how to deal with resentment is one of the most liberating experiences that any person could have and I have seen the positive results of this many times.
The Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) lays down detailed and specific guidelines on this matter but yet, the best results can be achieved with the guidance of a good sponsor. The Joe McQuany videos are also an excellent guide.
The Big Book gives an example on page 65 in which three columns are used in order to explain how resentment arises and how it can be successfully eliminated. The Joe McQuany video uses four columns and the difference is that the information in the all-important fourth column of the video is covered on pages 66 and 67 in the BB.
“Keep it simple” is a well-known AA slogan and one that makes good sense but is also sometimes misused as an excuse to do nothing. It is only by doing a little bit of analysis of a problem that a solution may be found and dealing with resentment requires an element of self-analysis.
Column 1 is simply a list of people, institutions, and principles against whom a resentment is held. Column 2 is a brief description of the cause in very few words. Column 3 is where it gets interesting as it deals with which part of ‘self’ that was hurt by the actions of the other party. Up until this point, it is easy to point the finger at those who caused the hurt. Now comes Column 4, which examines what part did I play in the saga. The actions of the other person are now irrelevant and what matters is ‘what part did I play’. It is by recognising that some sort of character defect within me has contributed to the feeling of resentment that I can take ownership of the problem and make changes.
In dealing with other people it is important to remember that like ourselves, those people may be spiritually sick too. You would not be angry with a sick person but would try to treat them with tolerance and understanding. Your family are unlikely to ever change into the sort of people you would like them to be, so the best thing to do is to change how you react to them. This does not mean that you let people walk all over you but you learn to accept them as what they are and sometimes walk away from a situation. The question of who is right or wrong has no relevance and all that you need to do is to sweep your own side of the street.
My all means, pray for your family but also, it may be more useful to pray for guidance so that you can accept them as they are and that YOU can change. Regardless of the faults of the other people, can YOU be more honest, fearless, considerate etc.?