Going into a bar just after you quit drinking, is a huge trigger! Your ego is already getting excited at the possibilty!

It it were me and i was serious about staying sober, i would stay as far away from a bar as possible, but that's me.

I don't need anyone to enable me as I have heard countless stories at aa meetings of those who had alot of time in sobriety under their belt and thought that they could walk into a bar and have no drinks or just stop at 2 drinks, only to find themselves drinking uncontrollably again!

If it were me, I would not want to sabatage my sobriety by going to a bar but you can do what you want and Happy Birthday!

Good Luck!

Seriously. Bad idea.

Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. But you already know this. You posted here knowing that the bar is a terrible idea.

If you have a drinking problem, chances are your friends are well aware. Tell them in advance they you're alcohol free this year, before the birthday dinner.

If you're serious about sobriety and abstaining from alcohol, your birthday plans are a serious threat.

Good luck !
1is2many

I found a big difference in being sober and AF. And I would probably drink if I were going. I remember going to a bar after a funeral at like 4 month. I was so close to drinking i had to almost run out of there. I thought I could go to the wake and be ok. wow was i wrong. I would be dead if i didnt leave that night. I know it.

You know the answer, if you want to stay sober at least have an accountability partner. Call them when you walk in and say I will call you when i walk out. dont fall victim to the looser booze.

1is2many

What do you think the difference is between going AF and being sober?

I got sober at your age and what helped me the most was this little saying I heard when I 25 and under a Doctors care for a minute." If I continue to do what Im doing Im only gonna keep getting what Im getting" Your worth the effort you put into creating a sober life:))
Billy

Hello Clementine5,

Well, first of all, I hope that you will have a happy and sober birthday and many more of the same. However, I am more than a little bit concerned and can see danger ahead. How you proceed is your own business but I will share a few snippets from the early days of my own journey to sobriety and later experience that you may find useful.

One thing that I learned early on is that I was dealing with a deadly condition, alcoholism. Any doubts that I may have had were soon dispelled as I walked behind several wooden boxes - friends I had come to know, four of them were young women who didnt make it. I learned that where alcoholism is concerned, there is no grey area, no middle ground.

Shortly after I stopped drinking I was faced with two potential problems of the sort you have described. One was a family social occasion of the sort where no excuses for non-attendance are acceptable and I was in a serious dilemma. I shared about it at an AA meeting and someone who had been around for a lot longer spoke to me afterwards. He said that it would be too tempting to be around alcohol so early in sobriety and that if it was him, he would give the party a miss. I did not go to the party but passed by the venue on the way to an AA meeting.

Something that another AA old-timer used to say stuck in my mind: You have to leave that old life behind. That seemed like a particularly difficult thing to do because my whole life revolved around drinking and going to the bar. Now, that life feels like it was a very long time ago and I can see that it was a total waste compared to what I have now.

Therefore, Clementine5 please take this alcohol issue very seriously so that you will have many more birthdays. You can have dinner with your friends tomorrow night and have a load of fun but without alcohol. Let this be a turning point in your life where you take control and do things differently. You dont really have to go across to the bar on this occasion. If you do things the right way you will be able to go to bars in the future if you have good reason to be there and you will not be tempted to drink. You are not planning on drinking on your night out but the odds are short that you will wake up with a hangover the following day and it will be back to day 1. It may be habitual to have a birthday drink and to go to bars but it is a habit that you can change.

Why not tell your friends straight out that you are not drinking right now and that you would rather not go to the bar. You dont have to go into details and regardless of what you say a few will probably be unhappy and disappointed. This is where you can take an important step forward by being your own person and doing what is right for you. Be good to yourself and live long.

I've been to multiple restaurants and family get togethers where the alcohol was flowing freely and I easily said no. It's more the birthday habit of having drinks.

So i was alcohol free for various lengths of time. It was ALWAYS after a night to end all nights where I did something that was so embarassing that i said I am done with alcohol. I went a day, two, a week, a month, once two years. AF. I was a miserable sad and depressed mess. I would power thru work and then go and sit in my room and then go to sleep.

This time I am doing some actions to get sober. I deal with the issue of why and what made me NEED to drink. Im an alcoholic and I drank to get away from me. I liked the effect produced by alcohol. I liked it so much that I would drink it till it was gone, then look for more.

I go to a group of other alcoholics and we simply address the issue. We talk about our problems, not drink them away . I deal with the things that happen in life, not anesthetize my brain with fermented drink.

I can still have the isms even with the alcohol removed. I just now can deal with it. There is a solution. I just had to finally for the first time in my life ask for some help , b/c i could not do it alone.

1is2many

That was another thing, i was a doormat. I was eager to please everybody but me. now i stand up and respect my wishes. Other ppl will respect you if you respect yourself. heck its your birthday. do what you want to do, not what everyone else wants,

Relapse is something that is often planned many days in advance. Sometimes it is a conscious decision to drink and other times the person does not realize until after the event that it was sub-consciously planned all along.

I hope that I am wrong about this but the fact that you are posting about it here indicates to me that whether you intend to drink or not, your mind is setting you up to drink. Alarm bells are ringing.

what happend on oct 25?

and the first bday is Always a tough one. The habit is tough on that day. You can change the tune to the song. You just have to get that first one and then it gets easier

Wishing you an early birthday greeting!

So you'll have 29 days on your birthday this Tuesday, and the following day you'll have your first full month. I hope you can wake up Wednesday morning and celebrate that achievement. What a birthday gift to yourself this would be.

If you have any doubts about you resolve in going out with your friends to celebrate, I think you already have you answer...

My 41st bday was my first one AF. No big deal. It's just another day really. I don't know how old you are, but if you're committed to sobriety, you'll be much happier not drinking.

It's your birthday celebration. Why the heck are you torturing yourself? Tell everyone you want to do something different. Come up with an idea that does not involve a bar (or drinking) and do that instead!