Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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confession

Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
So you know step 9 where it says make amends to people we have harmed EXCEPT when to do so would injure someone.

I told my wife where I hid all my beer cans among other things but telling her about some infidellity I was guilty of while in the midst of a drug addiction would probably drive her to suicide so I have kept that to myself (Good thing she doesn't read these)

OK so I ask you not to judge, I know I made some bad decisions in my life and lots of them. I know what y'll are thinking that I should put it in the hands of my Higher Power and let the marbles fall where they may after I tell her how bad I was, but I really believe my Higher Power feels I am doing the right thing. Besides it's in the past and I have prayed for forgiveness and repaid her in other ways like in being a good husband.

I think I mentioned this to my sponser who is ok with my decision making on this aspect of my recovery.

I guess what I am asking is for a better definition of step 9 and what does it mean exactly where it says except to do so would injure someone, and is what I am doing satisfy this step?

Thanks for any sugestions!
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
Grateful poo and sticky, thats kinda what I thought, I mean these things happened 6-7 years ago, I can't even remember but mostly during my drug addiction days. I don't feel good about it and I wished I hadden't done those things but I can reverse the past. I just happened to think about them while reading through the steps. My sponser thinks I shouldn't tell. I told my sponser to get it off my chest but am always unsure of his judgement. Thats why I asked here.

Thanks for the input
billwfriend
billwfriend
gosh the big book is so clear...alcoholic men have had affairs and ruined their lives by admitting it...and ruined the lives of their unsuspecting wives...also going into bill's story he had affairs I am pretty sure from what I have heard....sorry never let the loose lips sink ships...let the trust grow from being a good husband now on...
nodp2day
nodp2day
is it possible that "cause harm to them or others" includes you/us too.
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
Billyw thankyou, I didn't know that, nop, are we not required to be 100 percent totally honest with our loved ones or should we have a "don't ask don't tell policy?

just wondering
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
I rarely add comments here, because most of my experience has been because of my son, and not my journey. But in this case, I do have something to add.

my alcoholic son went through his steps, and when his "confessions" just got to be too much, too detailed, too much information, things that I didn't need to know, or already did, and had forgiven, I finally said "enough" he was making bad choices, but I did not have to know every piece of crap he did while he lived in my house. Why do I need to be burdened with it?
my one concern would be if you have exposed your wife to any diseases that she needs to be tested or treated for. In that case, not telling her would be causing her harm.
Being a good husband now is more important...and one day you may find out that she had suspicions all along...but never wanted to rock the boat either. Just be good to each other now. peace.
deleted_user
deleted_user
both Bob and Blue bring up a vary valid point. If asked point blank..."have you ever cheated on me?" Then total honesty (I think ?") Is called for. In the 35+ years that I have been married neither I nor my husband have asked each other that question. To be perfectly honest I don't really care if he has because he has always been "there" for me. I think he feels the same.....but perhaps thats just us.

My shrink years ago said that sexual infidelity seldom in itself broke up a marriage. How you as a person and as a couple deal with it, is more important. I think what grateful said to her husband is the way to go.....
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
I don't think she will ask me but if she does, I will have a hard time telling the truth, but hopefully it will never come to that. She knows I am a changed person and changed for the better for the most part. She knows I am much more honest then I use to be. Even when I lie, I tell her I lied if I am joking for example.
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