I have to say I understand. I also understand you need to let some things go! I love you as much as anyone else on this site! I don't know one single person personally but I work through that because SOMEONE understands! God love you my friend! You can only be a friend of mine if you are alive!!!!

I can understand your pain. I think there are a lot of people here that do care about you. Your post has the highest replies I've ever seen. I've been watching the posts here and hope you are touched by those who are reaching out to you. I hope you have someone you can physically reach out to.
In regards to your back pain- can I recommend a simple technique I saw on a health show? If you have a towel, roll it up so it makes a tube like a swim noodle (or if you have a noodle this works well also). Lay down on this roll with the towel aligned with your spine and just roll from side to side. If you bend your knees it may be more comfortable. This should help ease some pain. If your doctor won't help you with pain management you should find another doctor.
God Bless you and I pray for your recovery.

just wanna say thank you all for your kindness and support, even though I was kind of a jerk through all of this. my back pain has subsided a little for now, and I will be taking the proper steps to assure it doesn't come back anytime soon. also im sure this might now sound like much to all of you, but I plan on going off alcohol for only a month. I need to clean my body up from years of damage and I cant only do it for 30 days. most likely ill go back because of my depression and anger issues. that is my life I feel is to where it leads me.

i am new here but hey...30 days is a great start and i wish the best for you!

Hey mate 30 day's sounds like a big goal to me, if you didn't make it would you beat yourself up even more? I know I would, I know how hard it is, I suffer with anxiety and OCD, drink all day everyday just to cope and leave house. Maybe try reducing the amount you have and if you can abstain for a while and give your body a break then great! Go day to day see how you feel, must admit I felt like shit when I stopped (went cold turkey this time, medical detox before) but on day 8 cravings have reduced and must say I feel better in myself. Infact it ain't that bad out here without drink, you may even prefer it when you get to lower levels or stop for a bit, good luck buddy, feel free to rant at me anytime in a message, some nice folk on here, respect from Blighty ;)

kis; glad to know you are feeling better and I believe that your wish to quit alcohol for a while is a great step forward. I wish you the best and find a doctor that is going to be able to help you with your pain. A pain management doctor might be your best bet.

see how u feel one day at a time. i have to live one at a time. ill worry about 30days from now then. keep coming back keepit, u help keep me sober

have not read through all the replies so don't know if what i'm saying is relevent anymore..but do totally get what you're saying. The only reason I'm still alive is for the sake of my cats...that's sad I know. And I'm a mum. Hate the way I am and have tried explaining it but nobody seems to understand. Is a very lonelyplace.

You helped this alcoholic to stay away from booze today

for that I thank you Kis.

1is2

my quest for 30 days failed... cant do it alone because there is nothing out there to keep me busy. this life is filled with nothing but expensive ways to entertain yourself and these forms are mostly geared for the younger generation. so what am I suppose to do? it all comes back to nothing interests me because I cant afford to do anything.

If you can't afford anything life can still be beautiful and worth living. Money is not the be all and end all. Try giving of yourself, help someone less fortunate than you. There are plenty of charities that could use some help. It's great way to get out of self and the gift of giving does wonders for the psyche and soul. While we have life in us there is always hope. Nothing in life is static. Change comes like night follows day. Try it, you have nothing to lose. Be among people.

Hey KiS,

Excuse bluntness but maybe you're feeding the wrong wolf:
http://www.psychologymatters.asia/article/65/

Thoughts, feelings and actions. Everything starts with a thought but sometimes it seems I have little control over them. Disciplined action can help, the tiny little things that I can do despite what my head tells me like making a phone call, getting in the shower. Somedays they can feel impossible. And who knows, maybe the heart and the head can change if I try something different.

Simple suggestion. Change your avatar. Doesn't have to be fluffy bunnies, but I remember what that means to you.

Be well my friend.

P

ill keep my avatar because its the only thing that reminds me of what is to come...