One more thing, plan your day hourly. Put yourself in the military if you will. Wake up early, exercise, eat breakfast, shower, go to work....etc....come home, clean house, bake cookies, rent a movie, read a chapter of a self help book, hugs your dog, call your friend, eat icecream, go to bed. Take it. 1 hour at a time. Do u work? Do you want me to make a schedule for you and be your drill Sergeant?

Chose life. You are not scared to die, you shouldn't have fear of living! Let it rip. What is there to lose. U gotta be samurai strong. Nikki

What are you looking for in people online?

If you do not consider your life worth fighting for, why are you angry that no one else will?

the last 10 days I have not been able to walk because I threw my back out and the pain to walk across my bedroom is beyond tolerable. so now compiled with my mental pain I am being forced to deal with this too. so explain to me why I want to live? there is no purpose for me to live except to suffer physically and mentally. that is what I was chosen for, to suffer... I never asked to be f---ken born in this sh-t life, why did these ignorant people I call parents do this to me?

Hey kis, as always there are people here that are thinking about you but maybe we can't answer all those questions. Do I think life is worth living today? Absolutely.

Just a reminder, check these pages out:
http://www.dailystrength.org/help/crisis-resources
If ever you are feeling despondent, suicidal, or simply in need of speaking with someone about your problems, please be aware that there are numerous hotlines with trained operators available to help you. These hotlines are free to use and completely anonymous. Please note that these resources are not associated with DailyStrength. This list last updated 09/26/2011.
Remember that these organizations exist to help you.
Suicide Prevention / Depression
USA: Hopeline (Suicide): 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
USA: Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-8255)
USA: Teen Hotline Covenant House NineLine: 1-800-999-9999
USA: SOS Teen Hotline: 1-800-949-0057
USA: Grief Recovery Helpline : 1-800-445-4808
USA: Directory of local helplines / centers
UK: Samaritans (Nat'l and local): 08457 90 90 90 or jo@samaritans.org

P

Here is rather to some people a painful talk about a man's soobriety and in hearing him talk over 25 years ago my perspective on being here as I was in-spite of how was feeling gave me the incentive to continue on in Recovery through pain , joy or whatever has been dealt me! Pain for me became more a way of understanding I was alive and the need to continue to investigate it:) Bob E made me feel not alone and helped to give me a vantage point as I've moved along in this sober life I've been given ...Whos2 say maybe it can help you too:)
Billy

http://aa-meetings.com/audio/speakers/ind.php?id=327

Oh, read this today KIS:
http://mrsponsorpants.typepad.com/mr_sponsorpants/2010/04/holding-your-ground.html

Hold your ground my friend, you're not alone.

"Sometimes

it takes every last bit of you to keep your balance

and not do something self destructive.

I'm not talking about willpower, I'm talking about

something else.

I'm not sure how to describe it.

It's like the part of you that wants to live,

the part of you in sobriety, in recovery,

is connected by only the most slender of threads to

the part of you driving the car,
making the decisions.


Sometimes you just hang in there,

a minute at a time.

You ask God for help, but you know

if you choose to

you can turn away from that pretty easily,

or even accidentally

on purpose.



Sometimes

not sliding backwards

counts as moving forwards.

Sometimes not actively trying to die is

living large.

Sometimes holding your ground
is a fragile miracle."

P

I've seen you post here before, KIS, and on another recovery forum in the past. You've got a lot of wonderful, compassionate, experienced responses then, and now.

What do you want to do, then?

I guarantee more than half the group here has contemplated suicide before (I have - I even knew when and where). This is not new to those with addiction and mental illness. It's not unusual. You're not a unique case. You're one of many. You're not alone, in other words.

So again - what do you want to do then? You have lifelines out there, you have places that you refuse to go to (like AA) and you have other places where you *say* you've burned bridges. So that's it then? End of the line? Really? I don't think so. If you wanted to go through with it, you would not have posted here.

Make a decision - fight for your life. Or this merry-go-round continues.

Blessings,
Paul

There is always hope.....hang on.

Kis, I tried killing myself but was not successful. It was my lowest point up till then, but became my second lowest to my last relapse. Sometimes I have to type this out so that I never forget that day. I really would have missed out on a lot, and see now how much good there has been and is for me to do for others and for myself.

I think all alcoholics are flirting with death until we get sober, even then we are still one drink away from maybe it being our last relapse. So really, I guess I have been close several times myself. But I can only speak for me. My last relapse is my constant reminder that I can't drink again, they really do get worse each time, with a multiplier effect.

There are people who care about you and there are programs that have people that will support you. This forum is full of honest and supportive people. I have been here for several years now. I am in AA and find it full of good people, and some bad apples, but tis life. AA was critical in my getting and staying sober. My last relapse had me going in to meetings drunk but unjudged. That was when I really realized that I was accepted for who I was even at my darkest times.

So hang in there and keep us up on how you are doing. You are not alone. I thought I was unique and alone and misunderstood and it was so far from the truth.

first of all, some of you need to stop assuming that I wont go to these rooms filled with two faced lying, cruel people whom call themselves a sober support community. I have been there, done that... it was a waste of time then, and it has been a waste of time over the last 20 years. YES I have wasted 20 years trying and failing so....... you people will NEVER know the hatred I have for all of those hypocrites who attend those meetings. its a blind rage that keeps me safe and away from the trash, and trust me when I say they are trash. ive been to all kinds of self help groups and guess what, they were all useless too. if these places and people were so wonderful why would I be in the state of mind that I am in right now? because I have been burned too many times and I am through that bullshit. im so glad you all have found peace, but I am not allowed to have any....

Yes Ass out of U or Me Assume! I get yah!
Hug!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VP0plgZ1VxI

Such thinking is a part of the illness KIS, although it may not feel that way. Why would anyone respond at all unless they identified that they often feel - or have felt - those dark feelings too? You are not as uniquely alone as you might think.

One alcoholic trying to help another despite his/her own troubles is one of the greatest and most surprisingly helpful simple things that we can do to help ourselves. Locked into our own thinking it is hard to understand and feel empathy for others and yet it is surprising how much capacity we do actually have for that when we really try. Even if we cannot help another it helps to keep us well ourselves.

Look at the newcomers all offering support to each other even though their own pain from the consequences of drinking is hours or just days behind them.

Try to open that locked door a little bit at a time KIS, question your beliefs and reach out for new possibilities.

so close to the bitter end here.... cant find one reason to go on... even getting drunk doesn't feel good anymore...

u never know when one person will say the thing that hits home. the one thing that u need to hear