it sounds like your in a rough spot and it seems to involve more than just drinking. this sounds like deep depression and I hope that you seek help for that as well as drinking.

as a response to your morbid tone on humanity...though there are tons of support groups out there they cannot do the work for you...you have to want it and make it happen in a way that works for you. its called counseling and support...not outsourcing.

if you want to experience something new you have to try something different..?

no way to leave the house when you can walk anymore... my pathetic excuse for a doctor wont give me anything to help with my back pain so I am bed ridden and have been for weeks. so why do I want to think society has caring people in it? the medical professionals don't even give a rats azz... tell me to exercise when I cant even walk or lay down to do them... now that is a great reason to drink... ever been sober and been in so much physical pain that you cry? every fucken step I take I cry...

Sorry you are in pain and hurting.

Sounds like you need in person support and having difficulty getting it. Hope you are able to get the medical help you need for all of your difficulties.

actually its been my experience that alcoholics and drug addicts r some of the best people u will ever meet. i had sciatica for 3months this year. over the counter stuff wouldnt touch the pain. i went to the doc and asked for hydrocodone. he gave me a nerve drug, neurontin. a wek later im calling yelling at his nurse. after i refused an MRI and physical therapy he finally gave me hydrocodone. he gave me 10 and i made them last longer than he prescribed cause i knew i wasnt asking for more(like he would give me more). it helped enough so i could get on the treadmill and start strenthening and loosening the muscles back up. and i was on my way to recovering. i found aspirin also helped after that. with my liver i have to watch the tylenol. but i was very unhappy with my doc

this fall i got bronchitis and went to him again (hes been my primary doc since 2009) he gave some some crap antibiotic that i was coughing the day after it was gone. i looked it up on webmd and they use it for acne. 70 pro comments under acne. 40 con comments under bronchitis. i left my 50cents worth. its garbage for bronchitis. of course my doc refused to give me codeine cough syrup because thats what actually helps me the most. helps me rest and get better. so a week after im done with the acne drug im crouping and lose my voice. i call again. they call me back"he doesnt want to do anything cause its viral now. so what was bacterial on oct. 7 is viral on oct. 18th. right. what the fuck ever.

he was fired by this point. i had an appointment with labs in dec. i cancelled that and told them to send me a card for 6months out. april. give me time to find a doc. i have high blood pressure and the Hepatitis C virus so my liver is fucked up. im 57yrs and i actually need a primary care doc. so im sick again and he tells me over the counter. he wont do anything. that was fine cause he aint my doc anymore. i had already decided that. he dont listen to me and thats BS. i figure at least three times i been sick and he has prolonged my illness with his anti drunk and drug addict attitude. he dont know shit about me. hes about 35 how the fuck can he know everything. i could b his dad. and he could have been the son i left in the sock that time

anyfuckingway at this point i should have gone to an instant care place and got some codeine or something but i was too pissed to even think about talking to doctors. i was afraid it would end up like that time i was drunk in the ER with a broken nose yelling at the doctors and nurses (i got serviced then, they straitened it pretty good that time. still the same). so i called the hospital where he practices today. they dont like it when u tell them u need a new doc cause your firing one of their other docs, but she gave me a # to call. i talked to the gal at the doctor groups office for half hour. she couldnt have been sweeter or more helpful. she is going to email me a list of docs taking patients. with her suggestions at the top of the list. i went through the whole mess with her. my doc works with the same group. they r through the hospital i use

refer back to reply #37 at this point i suppose. ill do it for u. "i dont know where your going here"

join the group i dont either. but im on a roll and ill b done when im done. it will b before comet ison gets here i promise

ANYWAYS. so im over the counter.im looking for something like cough syrup and nyquil, but cheap of course. i have to watch how much tylenol i pump into my liver. i find some cough syrup and some nyquil type stuff with no tylenol. go home take a few shots off the bottles. then i notice the nyquil stuff has 10% alcohol. i havent had alcohol anything for almost 8yrs. wtf am i supposed to do. im drinking it. love it. should have got a 12pak. just kidding. its for bedtime. he wont give me codeine. tylenol i take enough of already with tylenol PMs. so i got some ibuprofen PMs too. i figure im just fucked. there is nothing i can take then.

i smoke. i want to quit but am not there yet. as far as bronchitis what has worked for me since i sobered up. vitamin E and flushing my sinuses with salt water. i make nose drops just like i did for my kids when they were little and sick(ever do that bulb syringe thing and suck the snot out of a sick kid? fun. squirmy little suckers). 1/8teaspoon of salt in cup of boiling water. store in fridge. good for a few days. i rinse my sinuses with an eyedropper. flush them out. couple times a day. i started with 200iu of E. now i do 400. my stupid doc says b careful theyve been linked to dementia. ill get dementia from all the blows to my head. football in highschool and younger, fights, car wrecks, bike wrecks. seen stars plenty of times

except when i make nose drops for me i just use hot water and dont measure. plus i keep it in the fridge for weeks. its fucking salt water. hasnt killed me yet. they have those pot things. i cant think what they call them. there is some risk of some bacterial getting in your brain and killing u or something. i did it the right way for my babies. i remember when i first joined u were here and talked about how much u hated the city u live in and the people. so i remember Syracuse. much of my point tonight i think has to do with something i learned in AA. my HP tells me i dont beg plead or grovel to anyone. if i dont like somebodies behavior i have the right to turn around and walk away. i dont have to deal with them. thats y i dont have a drunken girlfriend anymore and im looking for a new doctor. i want my life simple. its the only way i can b happy. have some Faith and Hope and hopefully improve on the whole Love thing. i think im kinda typical with the Love part. i think its the hardest part for me

i hope i didnt annoy u with my jabbering tonight. i just felt like writing to u again. life can b so tough with pain and depression and sometimes i just cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. i truly believe the whole keep it simple thingy. 2013 has been a tough year for me but iv learned from it. its always upstream for me. makes me a tough and ornery old fucker. still working on that too. not to mention my potty mouth. i write like a drunken sailor. just wanted to wish u well syracuse. if u dont like your doc fire his ass

that was way too much for me to digest...

Well, I'm glad to scroll to the end and find that you are ok, keepitsimple!!
I lost two people by suicide in the last year....both family members. Cousin and step-brother. Both in the prime of their life. One over a relationship gone bad and one over his drug addiction. If you could've only seen the devastation it left behind....the guilt, the unanswered 'why', etc, etc. The family wanted to be there to help, but they never reached out. So, hard times come in life, but we must face them and reach out for support like you are doing here. Sorry, with the recent loss, I was very worried about you. I also take suicide personal.....having been a victim of it...on the other side.
Hang in there simple....I hope you're feeling a tad better now. I know the pain doesn't go away overnight, but I can assure you this will get better. Then another problem will come, maybe not as painful as what you're going through right now....but they DO come and go. That's the difficult part of life. Me being religious....I believe it's God's way of teaching you or testing your perseverance. Believe me....He's testing me REALLY HARD right now.
I will pray for your healing my friend.....and do know this, you are NOT alone.
This place has helped me already!!