Sounds like a plan!
However, I wouldn't announce the plan to my wife...because she may become frustrated which would ruin my resolve.

Just do it and see if you can do it and see if it works out.
If you are out and you drink...when you get home...switch to something else to drink..non alcoholic.

Thanks for the response Missy. I don't plan to announce it to my wife since I have let her down so many times when I've told her I would stop drinking.

I do drink a lot of seltzer during the day while I'm working which I started doing to lose weight - I used to drink iced tea or soda. I did ask my wife to buy Ginger Ale when she goes shopping so I'll have that to drink at night at home just so I can have something more flavorful than Seltzer.

Rich

Hello Rich,

I will be very pleased if I am wrong about this but I fear that you are in denial about the true extent of the alcohol problem.

Some people use terms like true alcoholic or real alcoholic but no matter how you try to dress it up an alcoholic is an alcoholic and is someone who cannot drink safely. During the last few years of drinking I moderated my drinking when I went to a bar to three or four drinks, the reason being that I figured I could drive home safely (LOL) and avoid police checkpoints if I did not have more. When I got home I poured straight whiskey into a mug and drank that. I never filled the mug more than half way because if I filled it to the top I might have been an alcoholic; I refilled it half way several times.

I used all sorts of arguments to justify drinking and prove that I was not an alcoholic. I see you doing the same, for example, your wife opens a bottle, your wife has not agreed to stop drinking with you etc. The reality is that your wife and other people have nothing to do with your drinking and the buck stops with you.

Your goal is to stop drinking at home and I hope that works out for you. However, I will not bet my house on it as I fear you may only be kicking the can down the road.

Of course none of us can tell you whether you're an alcoholic or not but I tried MANY times to moderate my drinking. I tried many times to control my drinking. I knew when I had to put that much energy into alcohol and what I did with it that there was a problem. I am an alcoholic. I don't announce it to the world because I don't have to. When I had bulimia I didn't announce it to anybody either. It was my issue to deal with as is alcohol. I choose not to have to put that much energy into alcohol. It took up all of my planning, it took time away from a very healthy lifestyle, it took time away from friends and family, it took time away from my integrity. I don't have time to waste time like that. I can only relate to myself. Do you really want to spend that amount of energy on alcohol? If you have to you might have a problem with it/issue with it/can't drink/you're an alcoholic.

Hey PJ --

I appreciate your feedback and you may be right. However, as of right now my goal of not drinking at home is one I can focus on because that is where the biggest amount of temptation is and where I have always had a problem with over consumption. Perhaps when I have conquered that I will stop drinking outside of the house as well.

And you make a very valid point about drinking while out and then coming home and continuing to drink. That is something I have done in the past so that will be another challenge for me as well.

The reason I'm taking this approach is because I know that I have not had success trying to quit drinking completely and so I want to try a different approach and thats what this is.

Ultimately I'm not sure that I want to stop drinking completely - I just want to stop getting drunk.

The ironic thing is that I didn't drink in high school because I didn't like beer (I still don't). When I got into college I "discovered" mixed drinks and then as I got older I became friends with people who knew a lot about wine and I got into drinking good wines - mostly red wine.

However, and this may be hard to believe, but the first time I ever got drunk I was in my 30s! I didn't want to get drunk because I was afraid of "loosing control" as well as what being hung over would feel like. I remember celebrating some kind of anniversary or Valentines Day with a girlfriend and she bought a bottle of champagne and wanted us to get drunk together and I didn't want too. I don't remember how old I was exactly but it was definitely after college.

I also never had alcohol at home - it just wasn't something I would buy. I would occasional get a gift of tequila from a friend because I like margaritas and so if I was having a party I would buy Triple Sec and limes and make margaritas but that would be the only time I would drink at home.

But as I got older and started living with my significant other and we would entertain we would buy a few bottles or case of wine and so then the practice of having alcohol in the house began.

And then in 2008 I moved into NYC so I never had to drive and that is when my drinking really went from "social" to excessive, both at home and when out. My wife and I moved out of the city in March of 2013 and so I'm back to a place where driving is part of the equation and so moderating alcohol while out is again crucial.

Tonight, for example, my wife and I are going out to dinner with my Mom and so I'll probably have a cocktail and that'll be it because I'll be driving. And when I get home I'll be very aware of not drinking because I drank too much last night and my wife is mad at me for that. I also didn't get up and go to the gym today because I drank too much last night so I'm confident I won't drink when I get home tonight.

I'll continue to check in on this sight daily and start using the journal feature to track my progress with quitting drinking and I think that will be helpful for me.

Cannotgiveup --

You are right about the energy spent dealing with alcohol.. staying up late, sleeping late, being late for work or missing work, plus the stress it puts on my relationship with my wife, the way I feel in the morning, missing going to the gym, etc.

Not to mention the projects I want to work on that I don't work on because as soon as I start drinking I'm not motivated and of course the more I drink the less capable I would be of working on various projects.

Plus the money - the cost of alcoholic drinks when out, the cost of bottles of wine even buying from a store, etc.

And of course my anxiety and the medication I'm taking and the danger of mixing that with alcohol.

So all in all there are many many reasons to give it up completely and so I'm trying.. I'm just trying a different approach than the ones that have failed in the past.

Rich

I didn't even have a drink on my 21st birthday. I never drank as a teen. It was in my 30s when I was going through a divorce that I drank and I drank to get drunk. So I completely understand because I was confused about how I could effortlessly have a glass of wine for over a decade and then everything went out of control. I wasn't lying in a gutter or anything but I made some very poor decisions around men after my divorce and basically let them bankrupt me while I continued to drink and they were also alcoholics. At the end of my drinking.. I wasn't even able to get drunk. I could drink a pint of vodka all day and a 6 pack and still not pass out or black out. That scared the crap out of me. And it only took 5 years. I know you're trying to work this out because in the end we all have to quit of our own accord but if you know you aren't ready to quit then you have your answer. I just want to share that this snuck up on me big time in my 30s. I never ever thought I would become an alcoholic. It doesn't discriminate..

There are non-alcoholic wines available. Maybe your wife might be open to trying one of those.

It sounds like you might be "Minimizing", which is what problem drinkers commonly do when they are in denial.

I am wondering if you would be able to replace the alcoholic beverage with something non alcoholic, like a soda or a juice drink, after your wife fell asleep at night?

You might also be self medicating for your anxiety over completing those projects. Job related stress, anxiety and depression were some of my biggest triggers when I was drinking but I didn't really understand why until I went through an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Treatment Program)

Using drinking as an excuse to not do more important projects around the house is also a sign of problem drinking. but only you can decide if you have a problem or not!

God Bless!

The fact that you want to stop drinking in the place with the most temptation tells me you think it's something you can fight.

Imagine getting in the ring with Mike Tyson(alcohol). Getting your ass handed to you over and over again. I got that analogy and when asked if I'd step into the ring with him again when that happened, I said "of course not". The counselor said "well, that's what you've been doing for a long time".

Alcoholism is insidious. No amount of willpower could help me. I had to find others like me who were living sober and ask them to show me what they'd done. I quit boxing. Best wishes to you.

You've let down your wife about your inability to stop drinking? That's an alcoholic...

I think it's time to admit it and just cut it out altogether.

I used to be like you too--not a "true alcoholic". Believing in that helped me to become an undeniable absolutely hit the wall only two endings (sobriety or death) alcoholic at only 28 years old.

The fact that you're on here should scream out VOLUMES.

The most menacing part of this disease is how deceptive and persuasive it is. It hijacks our brain.

Tread carefully.

I'm an alcoholic. When I start I cannot judge how much or how many I will have. The fact that I can say I'm an alcoholic is the result of a lot of work. See I used to let my wife down with many promises to cut back or quit. I failed many many times.

See I could quit or slow down for days months or even two years but when I was not drinking I was miserable, and angry. Booze shorted out my feelings and made me not feel anything.

I called it my ostrich syndrome. I just stuck my head in the sand and hid from the world.

This can go on as long as you let it

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I guarantee you that NONE of us on here started out "craving" alcohol when we didn't have any, or get in pissy moods if we didn't have a drink. It took time and habitual drinking---be that a couple of glasses a night or a night on the town every Friday. But sooner or later the disease progressed and showed its true colors. We were all at one point or another, "not true" alcoholic just like you.

Welcome. So you arent alcoholic but you can't moderate at home? That just doesnt make any sense at all.

You said that " Valentines Day I went way overboard and since then I've had trouble moderating again."

That's over a month ago. Normal drinkers don't *try* to moderate for months on end. They either drink moderately or we drink alcoholically.

If you are alcoholic there is no such thing as moderation.
If I had waited till I qualified in my own mind for "real alcoholism" I'd probably still be drinking. part of this disease is rationalization and denial. A huge part for most of us.
Until you can get real with yourself about where you really are, not where you'd like to be or hope to be, you will continue to slowly go down. There is nothing but progressively worse for alcoholic drinkers. Sometimes its a slow path down but its down none the less.