You are never a failure in the eyes of your higher power. What ever YOU think it to be. I would suggest an AA meeting. Or any meeting. Just know you are not alone. There are a lot of people who are addicts. One way or another. Just keep trying. One day it will happen for you just like it did for me. Take care of yourself. Guy :)

Dear keepitsim, you are an alcoholic. To be an alcoholic is neither a failure nor a success. It is a fact. You have to accept it.
The real question is, to be or not to be?
If you desire to stop drinking, really want to, then work for it and don't wait for something to work for you.

For me, my God did and does the majority of work, because I am lazy... I just have to ask and thank Him/Her for the strength to keep me sober, from the bottom of my heart, every single day. And the miracle happens. It is so easy.

Sooner or later ( sooner is better) you will get there when your question changes to something else. The madness is not your doing. It is not even "doing". Being an alcoholic is not "doing". NOT drinking and drugging - yes, it is something you have to do on a daily basis.

Hi, sounds to me that you are really giving yourself a hard time over your recent 'slip'. Please dont. You went 90 days without drinking and I so admire you for that as is a really big acheivement. One ive not managed...yet. In my eyes that is not failing. Its winning. Yes, you admit that you started drinking and using drugs again after this period of sobriety but be proud of those 90 days. You say you now cant go longer than 10 days without but every single day that you do manage without the drink or drugs is a winning day. Instead of focusing on what you perceive as 'failing' focus on those periods when you were strong enough and actually brave enough to abstain. Take good care.

You made it 90 days once. You can do it and you are not a failure! I remember you from awhile ago. Remember me, the biggest embarrassing train wreck in our alchie forum? I am celebrating my 4 month anniversary on the 5th. Don't lose hope. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, nikki

Hello keepitsimple39,

No, you are not a failure but if you are an alcoholic you may need to try a different approach to achieve sobriety.

In light of recent controversy on other threads here I am kind of reluctant to suggest anything but here is what I think, based on my own experience with alcoholism, my inability to stop drinking by my own efforts and now being sober for a number of years.

The first thing that may help you is to identify the exact nature of the problem that you have with alcohol. While the diagnosis is not accepted by everyone, there is a general consensus these days that alcoholism is an illness or disease. Many people who hold that view would believe the definition of alcoholism that is used by AA, that it is an illness of the mind and body and understanding the nature of that illness is the foundation upon which people can recover from alcoholism. Once the nature of the problem is understood, it will become easier to see what the solution may be.

According to the AA definition, the two-fold illness consists of a mental obsession for alcohol and a physical craving in the body. The obsession of the mind is what drives an alcoholic to take the first drink, despite all of the problems that drinking may have caused him or her in the past and often despite promises not to drink again. An obsession is an idea that is stronger than all other ideas and when someone develops an obsession for alcohol, that person is defenceless against the thinking which leads to the first drink.

The second part of the illness, the craving in the body for alcohol, does not develop until the first drink is taken. This craving occurs because the person has developed an abnormal reaction to alcohol and does not break down or metabolise alcohol in the same way as other drinkers. The only way in which to try and satisfy the craving is to take another drink, which increases the craving still further and results in more and more alcohol being consumed. However, the craving for more alcohol cannot develop if the first drink can be avoided and therefore, the solution to the problem is to find some way to avoid taking the first one.

This is where the debate starts as there are different approaches that work for different people and whatever method works for someone is as good as any other. There are various things such as Rational Recovery, Smart Recovery and others that you may want to check out. I can only tell you about what has worked for me and that has been Alcoholics Anonymous.

The obsession of the mind does not go away just because the person stops drinking. Willpower may keep it at bay for a short time or for a long time but in most cases the obsession will win out eventually. It can be compared to a tape that is running in the background that is constantly giving out the message that you need alcohol in order to survive. When you stop drinking, the volume on the tape gets turned down but it is still running in the background. Then, something happens such as having a bad day, having a good day, the team winning, the team losing etc. and the volume gets turned up again.

Long-term sobriety depends on finding some means of switching off this obsession and maybe you did not do that when you were sober for 90 days. It requires a change in your way of thinking so that alcohol is no longer part of the solution when dealing with everyday issues. It is not for me to tell you how you should bring about that change but I can tell you that AA does it for me. Therefore, you are not a failure but you have not yet discovered what you need to do in order to stay sober. Like many others, I was where you are now and believed that it would be impossible to stop drinking. It was impossible on my own, but with help I was able to get sober and stay that way and you can do that too.

Hi keepitsimple,

When you stopped for 90 days, did you replace the drinking/drugging behavior with anything? For me, there had to be a new focus, actually several new things. I didn't want to think/obsess about my alcoholism all the time, it drove me crazy. I wanted to have a path out of it, and work towards a better future in all different ways. In past years, I remember trying to quit with just some counseling and not changing much else about my routine or behaviors - I just kind of grit my teeth and went for it, and before long I went right back to drinking.

To answer your question about being a failure, you are absolutely not a failure. You just haven't found the right path yet to overcome your alcoholism. It took many of us plenty of starting and restarting before finding what worked. Some of us are still searching and haven't found the answer yet. There's no magic formula, it's different for everybody. The key is not to get discouraged and to commit yourself to beating it. You wouldn't be here if you didn't want a better life, and take it from me, it is possible. This time last year I was an absolute train wreck and now I feel like I'm on the road for the exact opposite to be true. It's such a clich, but it really is just putting one foot in front of the other and building momentum, thus strength and confidence.

Please share a little more if you're comfortable. It is really great that you are here and have begun to share. As others have said, you are definitely not alone in your struggles.

Be well friend,

Hugs,
Traveler

I think you are asking the wrong question.

Why ask if you are a failure? What does that get you? How does that help?

Why not ask --
I know I can stay sober for short periods of time -- even up to 90 days. How can I make it last?

Then you might want to consider looking at ways to support your sobriety, such as counseling, a program, group support, or IOP.

Good to see you again.

Start again with sobriety, take it a minute at a time if you have to. Busting (drinking again) is very very demoralising, I know because I've drunk again a number of times. I had to really break it down to 'I'm sober today, and today is all I've got.' It's now been 7 years since I drank again, and I'm very happy for my sobriety. I did it with AA, not that I think everything about AA is wonderful. But there's something about people getting up and sharing their stories - what is was like, what happened, and what it's like now - that is so good for me.

There's a good point made about what questions you're asking yourself. What do you need to include, or exclude from your life. What is your self-care plan to help you stay committed to sobriety. Counselling, health, exercise, program of self discovery etc. Don't give up. You can get back to building on those 90 days. Don't give up.

Welcome.
I agree with much of what's been said.
The question I have is what are you willing to do to get and stay sober?
For me, AA worked and continues to work. I too tried it my way for years, had months and even a few yrs but drank. Was I a failure? No, I needed to get good and desperate to be willing to be honest and to ask for help....

Failure occurs when we stop trying. However, have you really tried everything? In patient? AA? If so maybe you weren't ready then but are now

Here's a story for you, maybe it'll help:)
http://www.thirteen.org/closetohome/stories/html/peggy.html

I'm very similar to you, I had 4 years of sobriety and picked up again about 5 years ago. It's been rough lately for sure.

I stopped going to AA a few months ago. I got tired of going to meetings after relapsing, and I think a lot of folks with long term sobriety want nothing to do with a chronic relapser. The criticism from some people is destructive, not helpful.

Sounds like you just need alot of support. You have a sickness for which there is no cure, only control.

You came to the right place!

God Bless!

Hi, feeling like a failure will only keep you down. Very often people say they tried a programme and it was not for them or it didn't work. Quite often it is a case of not fully understanding exactly what they need to do to utilise it successfully or thinking some of it cannot apply to them.

My experience has included AA and other routes to sobriety. Much like you I kept renewing my efforts only to find myself drinking again, sometimes I could see the thinking that lead up to it and sometimes I could not.

I do not mention the other programmes that I did not get sober through. I think it's wrong for me to say I tried something and it did not work because of my discovery that relying too much on my own thoughts and feelings always got me drunk again. I had a kind of mental block in being open minded and willing to try something outside of my comfort zone which is a symptom of this illness as much as the drinking was.

How I discovered this came through attending AA meetings. I wasn't too enamoured of the 12 Step programme or getting a sponsor to help me. I went to meetings where there was not much mention of the programme and a lot of people were staying sober without it. I thought I could too but every few months or so I would relapse back into drinking,

I found out that I am one of those for whom the programme and spiritual life is absolutely essential. When I gave it a real good effort it worked a treat. I have been sober for a good number of years now and I am free of any desire to drink.

Currently I am travelling, was on the road and ferries for over 12 hours yesterday and having reached my destination I will see if there any local meetings I can attend now I am online. I don't worry if there aren't - in fact I have been to very few meetings since the end of June. I just like meetings and meeting up with other allies. What keeps me a recovered alcoholic is my spiritual path and doing a few simple things each day.

Most alcoholics I know have had disappointments and feelings of failure just like you and me but we can still recover. Whatever path you choose, I hope you make sure you make use of ALL that is on offer!