Instead of explaining to someone, it's often more effective to ask them questions:

For the obsession, how about asking: Do you ever end up drinking when you plan not to (i.e. you think Im not going to drink tonight, but then you end up having a drink somehow). Or: Do you look ahead with anticipation or excitement to the next time you can have a drink (whether it is happy hour, or not until Friday or Saturday night, or that big reunion coming up)?

For the compulsion, simply: do you ever end up drinking more than you planned to (i.e. thinking Im only going to have 1 or 2 tonight, and you end up having several or even blacking out? Or: are you typically the one who closes out the bar or last to leave the party?).

what question would you ask them for spiritual? (basdist)

The physical and mental part are usually pretty easy to communicate. The spiritual is a little harder. I just talk about what started happening for me in baby steps, as in what began following a willingness to believe coupled with action. Nothing too high and lofty. Willingness+Action=Results which leads to faith.

I would just have them answer the 20 questions of determining whether or not they are an alcholic. I can tell you all about the 3 fold but if you do not know that your powerless, or see/feel the unmanagability what's the point?

It would appear I was attempting to get you to do something you are not ready for! I know for years i did not believe I was powerless, or unmamagable.i WAS! iT WAS NOT UNTIL i HAD BEEN BEATED LIKE A BAD GIRL THAT I WAS WILLING TO SEEK HELP. ONCE I SOUGHT HELP I NEVER LOOKED AT ALCOHOL THE SAME. It was then that i believed the powerless. not only did I believe the powerless I understood it.
good luck

Nicki to me powerlessness is simply loss of control. If you often drink more that you wanted to , or drink when you didn't want to my experience is that that's not going to get better. Once you have loss of control the rest is just a matter of time, IMO.
So , I'd hold off on the more complex stuff until later.

Isn't it a doctors job to tell someone they have an illness?

Good answer, i think bob ....We share in a general way in AA or NA....Doctors cost money though Lol!!!
Have good Day:)
Billy

you're role isn't to tell them, it's to help them come to understand and I think that's what nicki's talking about here.

For the spiritual: I don't think it's a spiritual problem, but a lack of spiritual solution applied properly.

I might ask a person what they have tried too overcome their thoughts about drinking that convince them to go out and have that first drink.

Then I will lay out AA's solution about a power that helped me to overcome the obsession to take the first one.

Thanks for getting the point Donttread.

Really surprised by some of the answers on here.

For me alcohol has been all about craving a release. Not so much craving the alcohol, as craving the relaxation that first drink brings. I found it easier to be around others socially, and at events. It snuck up on me in that I thought it was just a social thing, then I realized it was a release, then I realized I was in a very bad habit. I'd start drinking while making dinner for my family, and I'd mentally check out. Now that Im' not drinking I crave it, and think about it more than I did when I drank!
Spiritually it was beating me down. I kept promising myself I wouldnt drink, then I'd break that promise to myself which was demoralizing.
Now one month, and 2 days in....and I still have the cravings....but without the guilt, without the physical tiredness and hangovers, and without the "release." the release I realized was false and added to the lack of spirituality.
Much much happier to be sober.

I too share from my experience and try to get them identifying.

I will share about the story when I had one glass of wine left in a bottle and had no intention of having any more. Two bottles later I was in tears on the phone to a friend saying I couldnt drive to pick them up (physical).

I will share how I would get in my car after work and be planning the drink. Or, how I would start drinking early on my days off 'just because I could'. Or how, when working, I would go into a pub and buy a pint of cider and say it was apple juice. Or how I would have rows with people just to be able to drink (mental).

Spritual...the hole in the soul. The ring doughnut where I try to be complete yet feel shit so just keep pouring alcohol and it keeps running through the middle. Spiirtual is the thing that now keeps that hole closed if I continue to work.

I would then say that it was not until I admitted I was powerless, that my life was unmanageable that I was able to give up the fight that I always thought I could win.

I then try to get them to relate to a concept they do know, ie. if you had a nut allergy and you were told to eat one nut would kill you, would you eat a nut? That way I try to get them identifying that alcohol will kill them (if indeed they are an alcoholic).

When I was first getting sober, I could not comprehend the threefold disease. The insanity of my mind....alcohol/bottle shops became 'nut shops'.

Sorry for long post.....this is a huge subject though and needs to be spot on to get a potential newbie identifying. Sewing seeds is important.

I really like what drafter said "willingness+action=results which leads to faith"

Simple and I've found that to be true.

Physical to me had a couple of scenarios. I would literally get physically sick to my stomach if I had not had a drink in oh...I'd say approx. 8-9 hours. I'd wake up sick and if I drank in the morning, I'd be sick by lunchtime and then start getting sick again around time to leave work.

If I didn't drink in the mornings, I'd be terribly ill by 5pm and have a miserable day.

Also, once I had one....I couldn't stop. Never ever just had one or two, I'd buy just one or two small shot bottles and swear that was it and always end up in the car to buy more.

Mental-I'd plan every next drink...in advance and would obsess about it until I got it. That also shows the unmanagability because I made no plans without a concrete plan for booze before & during. If I was going somewhere say in the early afternoon, I'd go 1st thing when I woke up and get a bottle of wine or vodka to drink before leaving or I'd stop at my friends house for a cocktail for the road.

Flask in my purse at times too when I was either with others who were not drinking more than 1 or two or if there was no alcohol served where we were going.

NOTHING was done without a booze plan. NOTHING! And it took effort and consideration sometimes to make sure it worked out!! ha!

I was never a "religious" person but I was desperate so I did what was suggested, I started praying even though I wasn't quite sure how to go about it...this gradually increased and things started changing, I started feeling happier and more content.

Nothing ever made me content except drinking, I was a nervous wreck without it and didn't know how to live without it. Once I started feeling a little bit content and realized I was pretty "okay" at the moment, I wanted it more and more and if somethings working, why stop?

Made me wanna learn more...not because I needed to know why..but more about wanting to learn HOW to continue so that this good stuff keeps up! So, that's where I am now...goin with the flow, taking suggestions & learning..and will continue to do so!

Thanks m8 and HC :-)

Few great reply's here. Here is the solution many of take to have that daily reprieve.

C A R D S =
Call your sponsor,
Ask for help from your Higher Power,
Read the Big Book,
Do the Twelve Steps,
Stay active in your group.