I feel like I have to drink some the gather the resolve to quite - and that's the insanity of it all. Conceptually, it's sounds so simple - just quit. It's not.

I tried to quit hundreds of times but would relapse each and every time. I didn't know what else to do to stop the madness. I finally realized I needed help. I couldn't do it alone.

I went through detox where I was given medication to help with the withdrawals, this was followed by an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) where I was treated for the underlying issues which were triggering my addiction. After the IOP, I went through 3 months of more group therapy. Throughout all the treatment I had, regular attendance at AA meetings were a requirement. The 12 steps of AA literally save my life.

This was 10 years ago. Today I have a great life and I have never been happier. Good luck on your road to recovery Remember there are lots of people willing to help but you can't be afraid to ask.

God Bless

Thank you bobinmaine! You have provided a ray of hope!

I tried for years to quit drinking. I failed miserably. I didn't know how to stop drinking and stay stopped.

So I turned to a group of people who had successfully stopped and stayed stopped. I attended an AA meeting. I figured if they could do it, I could do it. And I did.

If AA isn't for you, there are several other recovery programs available to you.

Good luck.

It took me just deciding to try something different. Booze was such an easy way to numb my brain. I was totally hooked on it. Alcohol IS a drug.

I will say it takes effort. It’s like riding a bike in the beach. I have to stay on the slim line of sand that is not in the water and not deep sand but the middle ground is the only place I can ride. Also I have to put effort into it. I gotta do the work.

You have helped me today. I’m having bad stomach pains and want a drink. It gets to the point where the drink actually starts sounding good. But I gotta tell myself that I would be a mess and back to drinking every day. Lots. And I probably would not be able to quit again.

There comes a time where you gotta just jump and get off the merry go round. It will hurt a bit but it will get better with each day

1is2many

I've come to believe that we have to find sobriety in our time, regardless of how insane it is to keep drinking. My time finally came just over ten months ago after decades of abuse. Support from AA and Refuge Recovery made all the difference for me this time, working the steps to stop, continuing the steps to find peace. I hope this is your time Stevarino. We're here when you need us. Connect with friends here, continue to post, use the journal feature to document your successes and failures. You can do this my friend!

Thank you all for your input. I'm returning to share what I'm feeling right now and to see how others that may be struggling right now feel.

Seems to me, with all of the daily violence on the internet, and one that really shook mu up today (the accidental shooting of the guy in Houston, caught live on facebook), it's no wonder there is rampant anxiety, panic, and general distress in these times.

I've been back in hometown about 10 years now, where my sister and her boyfriend were murdered back in 1985, still unsolved. When that happened 3 decades ago, I had youth on my side and actually dedicated my time to trying anything I could do to help resolve the crime and at least get some closure on it. Now, it's only me, my father, and my son (who I estranged with primarily due to my alcoholism).

Now, I can't blame my disease on that tragedy as I was well on my way much earlier than that, but being 58 years old now. I've almost given up hope on any resolution or closure on those futile deaths.

I guess the only drive I retain at this point is to not allow the perpetrator to claim another victim of his horrific crime.

Sorry for ramblimg on and sounding verbose, I just need to air out some unresolved grief issues which have been festering within me for many years now and have pretty much used up all resources.

I am drinking today, about 2 quarts of beer over the course of the day and don't feel intoxicated but was at least able to stir up the "gumption" to at least post.

I think I'll close for now, this has taken a lot out of me to even post this. Not looking for any sympathy here because I know that each of us has story to tell, and when you get older, there are bound to be additions to those stories which are unique, painful, and, just, well, compelling.

Goodnight!

Nothing can erase the past. The question is do you want to quit? I’ve seen people quit in their 60s and do well. It’s hever too late.

I know a guy i sit next to every day that is 70, He quit about 5 years ago. He drank for 50 years. Now he says that quitting was the best thing he ever did. I have also heard about his mom died when he was young and the bottle was an escape from the fact that he couldnt control the world.

I too get overly empathetic over the tragedies of the world. I am an empath and I actually feel the pain thru others. Its my mind but I am still able to feel how bad the family must feel... My life got infinatly better when I just stopped watching the news. And quitting drinking was also a big help

The bottom line is only you can decide to bend your elbow or not. Nobody is going to ride in on a white horse and pick you up and ride off. You gotta get up and decide to live. Giddy up

1is2many

Where to begin....Stevarino, you certainly sound very intelligent as do the others that have replied. Would like to offer my current situation for no other reason than to show we all have a reason to drink. I just got to the point where I knew I needed to stop.

Like others have mentioned, I too have drank for over 40 years. Sure, there were good times, there bad times, it's a great day, it's a bad day, it's a holiday, it's Friday, whatever.

Looking back, I remember when I smoked (I'll stick to just cigarettes for now). At my peak, I was smoking 3 packs of Marlboro a day. Kept getting disgusted with the coughing and hacking and after almost 20 years started trying to quit. Tried the Merits, Vantage, Marlboro Lights, etc then finally had enough and on a Friday after work told my self that was it. Had a tough weekend and after that never looked back.

I mentioned only because at the time I would say to myself, "How can I quit smoking? How can I take a break at work without a cigarette? How can I have a cup of coffee without a cigarette? How can I have a beer without a cigarette?

Well, the truth is, I did it. I also remember cheating, asking coworkers for a cigarette, one, then another only to say "that's it! That's what I've been jonesing for?"

That's been over 20 years ago since I quit smoking (and I mean everything).

The same goes for drinking. Every time I told myself I was not going to drink I had this feeling that I was missing out on something, something good. It would continue until I gave in, and drank. And drink I did. Not a little, a lot. Why, I had to makeup it seemed for the time that I didn't drink. Only to wake up the next day saying "damn, why did I do that"

Sorry for the rambling.....just trying to help.

Had my last drink on February 24, 2018 and other than feeling very, very tired and sometimes very bored, I am not looking back.

As others have said it's YOUR decision. They are ALL YOUR decisions!
Get high/Don't get high
Smoke/Don't Smoke
Drink/Don't Drink
Drink & Drive/Don't Drink & Drive.

Stay STRONG! Make the right decision and just stick with it.
After all, it's not the end of the world. There are so many great things to do if you only look around.

Be thankful for what you do have.
Please feel free to reply, would like to know how you feel.

Thanks just4me, currently trying to get some strength back, then, this time, maintain that strength so this never happens again.

Welcome to DS and this is definitely a good place for support, share stories, confess relapses and shout about your victories :)
I hope you find the strength to quit drinking - I quit using this group and by being stubborn although I did relapse last Christmas for 2 days. I also see a counsellor to help me deal with the underlying issues and triggers for my drinking and my behaviours. You may have had therapy already but if not then I would recommend it to help you deal with tragic loss of your sister and her boyfriend. Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best with your recovery :-)

Thanks for the warm welcome Miralee!

Hi Stevarino, I just started on this site too. Your post "Every time I told myself I was not going to drink I had this feeling that I was missing out on something, something good. It would continue until I gave in, and drank." makes complete sense to me. I always use this as a reason to 'start' tomorrow. Of course I always find a reason to start the next day instead. Which so far, hasn't happened...

Hi Loulou2018!

I don't recall writing a post titled as you mentioned but it makes sense to me too. Perhaps it was another "Stevarino"?

I'm so new here, that this is my first thread.

Nevertheless, thanks for your input!