Hey, Honesty counts for something... Think of those that have a relapse and we never hear about it because of pride or embrrasement on their part... I have no idea how bad your set back was but I do know I have seen small steps from you... You don't have to justify your NOT drinking to anyone, family, or friends... You love life sober so let's get started..

~lolo

Read your journal of 16th December.......not even 10 days ago before your SLIP (sobriety loses its priority) then read this statement from one of the best books ever written (in my opinion).

Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book page 24

'The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.'

Do you think you are an alcoholic?

M8... Yes. I am an alcoholic. No doubt. No question. I probably haven't hit "rock bottom" and am trying my best to not spiral any further. I just have to do more to set myself up for success rather than failure. I keep setting myself up for failure. Albeit obviously a difficult one, THIS is a choice. I can choose something else.

Currently you have no choice, your disease will win every time until you get a clear definition of exactly what powerless is. How can you know that without learning? Do you know it is 3 fold disease? I didn't. I thought it was always the '6th drink' that got me drunk! How wrong was I.

I 'thought' I knew 'powerlessness' until I did step 1 with my HP, my sponsor and the Big Book. Wow, what a moment of clarity that was!

Why do you have to hit any more of a rock bottom? As I was told by my first 'angel' in AA....you can get off the roundabout anytime, why wait until the end of the ride?

My suggestion would be that you get yourself to an AA meeting, find a sponsor who has the sobriety you want and start going through the Big Book.

Through doing what was suggested, I today do have choices. I had none back then as the drink always chose for me. It was my solution to everything. Today, life is so diffferent.

In my opinion, that is the only way to answer your question of 'howtolive'.

Please do PM me if I can be of any help.

Oh...and a question.....nothing changes if nothing changes so.......

What you gonna do differently this time?

Peace to you.

M8 i beg to differ with the BB - EVERYONE including an alcoholic does have a defense against that first drink - it's called CHOICE and if you choose to be weak to the choice, then you drink, if you choose to be strong to the choice then you don't drink. Alcoholics are not just 1 type of person - there are many levels of it, just as in any other disease - you are an alcoholic or you are not. If you were always defensless to the drink, there would be no sober people!

When people realize and understand that they are an alcoholic, it many times takes a while for them to hit their rock bottom for them to truly want to quit drinking - and for others it never happens, they just get to play the blame game - blaming their actions on weakness, or inability to fight a craving, enviroment, or immediate situations in life - as they don't really want to stop drinking yet.

Choice - that's all this boils down to, you learn your an alkie and ou make a choice - good or bad, the choice is ours -

yes there is a defense against that first drink and that defense is choice.

Anna has a lot of work ahead of her, she is a good person she just isn't quite ready to let go of the sippy cup yet, but she's getting there.

Peace!

Well, I always expected to read something or do something and I would just be well, cured from alcoholism. That never happened for me. It took all my pain and suffering to get me here.
If it takes "my name is Earl" style of recovery to get started,, so be it.

I think the choice is right now. If I wait until drinking becomes an "option" then it's too late to rely on choice. I also HOPE that I can avoid the proverbial rock bottom. I am terrified I won't live to see it. I am choosing to make changes now to stop the downward spiral.

What I'm going to do differently... More reading and more phone calls. It also just IS different. Every time I have to crawl back into a mtg and get another 24 hr token, I am humbled. I hear more, talk less, think less for myself. My way isn't working and I'm tired of starting over.

Thanks Carebear.

It is only my opinion that today I believe I have a choice, back then, in the grips of alcoholism, I did not see any choice.

My only defence against that first drink was to learn about my disease. That is why I love AA, HP, the Big Book and my sponsor that HP works through....it is only by going through the steps, gaining a clear understanding of my disease and having a spiritual awakening that today I can see it all so clearly.

It is great today to have to not think about weakness or strength as today the obession has been removed. If you had told me that two years ago I would have laughed in your face. I mean....an alcoholic not drinking alcohol???? Who would have thought it......

howtolive......what about a sponsor?

So, you can't rely on your choice since you choose to drink anytime you wanna drink? What else is that than being powerless over alcohol.

Listen to M8, Olive. She used to piss me off with her questions but it sure helped me. :) I came on here numerous times and apologized too....many of us did/do. But the fact is that each time, I learned a little more and it stayed with me. If I hadn't learned everything I've learned from these guys, my sponsor & the 12 steps, I likely would have been drunk yesterday even after 10 months sober. It takes continuous effort.. hang in there, we're here for ya. :)

I commend your honesty and your apology HTL. However , I'm not sure that the pity parties you throw yourself when your drinking don't carry over and get you drunk again. Self pity doesn't solve anything. Mam that was a hard thing for me to learn, but learning it helped save my life.
Avoid one drink, one day at a time.

Hi...I also relapsed...and now I'm dealing with it...very sad,but gona make me stronger

HTL, your honesty is good and you can do this. Just don't stop trying I don't need the I am sorry as I messed up more than once myself I just kept coming back no matter what and you are doing the same so to you I say great choice.