This sounds like my story!!! I found this site about 4 years ago and was just at the end of my rope. I couldnt live drinking and I couldnt live sober. ( I would have benders and get sober for about a week or two and ALWAYS go back ) once I quit for about two years. But I would go back to drinking because it worked to make me feel better. See Im an alcoholic. I like the feeling of being drunk. It takes away those feelings of less than and makes me feel like Im great. Only problem was my liver was creating three times the normal amount of enzymes and i was dying.

Sooooo I joined this site in 2012. I started to see how others had over come this thing. BTW its not my fault, I was born with this disease like my dad and his dad. I had a bad bender on June 9 12 and so on june 10 I was going to kill myself or ... a thought went off ... go to an AA meeting. I drove around all day and went at 8 that night. I havent drank now for almost 4 years

I have found a way that im not mad and miserable sober. It is not all unicorns and rainbows but life gets better. You can too The thing is that just stopping drinking is the beginning. Dealing with all the reasons why and making some amends made my life much more livable.

i am glad you found us!!

1is2many

Thanks for your reply and you are an inspiration. I feel like you said... I can't live drunk and living sober seems impossible. Each day at a time. This is my first Friday night of not drinking and it feels good.

I am trying to make sense of why I have always put alcohol before my wife, children, and friends. Is it a learned behaviour or a disease that has been passed on from my father. I do not blame him but I take responsibility for my own decisions.. I have to change.

I have to find strategies to ensure I stay off rather than convincing myself in 4 weeks time that I can socially drink. I am reading some motivational books and I am being open with two of my close friends. The rest of my friends I have had to tell them that I am not drinking at the moment because I am on medication. The peer pressure to drink and how it impacts your social life is challenging to deal with. I have a few parties coming up and I will still say that I am on meds to stop the pressure of drinking.

Thank you for replying and sharing your story, I hope that I can get to the same place.

Good to meet you 1ismany

"You can't get to the truth, unless you first look at the error!"

You sound like you are not quite ready to quite because, "I have not lost my wife and children yet, and my work has not been impacted" to use your words, and it reminds me of the old fram oil filter commercial: "You can pay me now, or pay me later!"

In other words, quit now with no collateral damaged or ruin the lives of everyone around me, just like I did, before a cop gave me a choice of alcohol or jail. Believe me, that was all the motivation I needed to get sober and also the best thing that ever happened to me!

I got sober mostly through the 12 steps of AA. That was 8 years ago. Today I have a great life and have never been happier!

I wish you well on your journey and I hope you find the motivation you need to do everything it takes to stay sober.

God Bless,

Bob

I need to proofread my posts. correction, replace the word alcohol with detox.

Sorry about that. I must still have some residual brain damage lol!

Welcome to the group. I was your age when I first realized I had a serious issue. Trust me- it's better to tackle it now before something really bad happens in your life.

The concept of "not drinking again" is very daunting when you first consider it; and "yes", it was depressing for me too. Alcohol was my companion and coping mechanism. I felt like I'd lost a friend. This is coupled with the fact that you are still sobering up. The first 10 days has always been the worst for me. Your central nervous system is used to the stimulation of alcohol and it takes awhile for it to readjust.

You're on a good path- and you CAN be sober and enjoy your life. In regards to your comment about being selfish, there's nothing wrong with that in early recovery. You have to "fix yourself" before you can be of use to your family and other people. So focus on your recovery and keep reading your motivational books.

By the time your 40th birthday comes in July, you will have quite a few weeks underway and you should be feeling better. Maybe make some plans to do something special with the family (and sober). There's nothing wrong with hitting 40 and feeling good with no hangovers.

One thing is sure; if you keep drinking, things get worse. The spiral is always downward. It just takes some people longer than others to get there.

Congrats on your 5 days.

You also told my story. I quit when I was 40. I was tired of living like a drunk 21 year old. Congrats on 5 days. Send me a message if you need support. It's a great community here.

I was around 40, when I quit. I managed to do 24 years sober. I discovered the hard way that once we drink again, we go right back to where we left off. Scientist say that the compulsion is hard wired into the brain. The only thing that we can do is not take that first drink. I am back on the sober path again. My life is so good sober.

This past week, I went to a graduation, and an engagement party. I did not need to drink, and I had a wonderful time. It's so nice. I remember everything and did not make a fool of myself or say something wrong. Nor did I have to listen to my wife complain when we got home.

Thank you to all of you who have responded. It is really helping to be part of a group that is supportive and people who understand.

I may not be ready but I feel like I am. I have to change. It has now been 7 days and already I feel much better. The depression has subsided and I am starting to look forward. The hard part for me will be in 4 weeks when I think I no longer have a problem and I can be a social drinker. This is my big issue as I can always convince myself that I can be a social drinker. When I reflect on the last 20 years, it clearly is not the case and this is where I feel so overwhelmed and think that life of being sober is not possible.

Reading your comments is really helpful and I will continue to read your posts.

Thank you as since I posted on Friday I have felt more supported than I ever have.

Hello, good evening and thank you for sharing this. I too am new to this site, and still in early recovery but if I may. I will share with you what is working for me. I can only offer suggestion but I wont give advice. Do for you what you think you need to do get through the day without a drink. I could say a lot but I will try and keep my post to a minimum.
First off, I will begin with telling you, I also have come from an alcoholic family, my father is an alcoholic, as was his father, cousins extended etc. This my sponsor tells me, that I have been pre-disposed. I guess I got my fathers gene, since no one else in my immediate family are alcoholics. I'm a middle child, my older brother does not drink, nor my little sister, or my mother either, only myself and my father. I lived with an alcoholic for almost 7 years but I also grew up in an alcoholic family yet I never really drank in early adulthood. Not even when I became legal drinking age, but it was in my mid 30's where my drinking began and it took hold of me when I moved in with boyfriend, when I was about 34 years old, this was shortly after my divorce. I actually didn't begin to drink more heavily until after my marriage ended, it was the relationship I was in after my marriage that consist soley on alcohol. After all I did meet him in a bar when I was 33 so that should have been my first clue, lol. We were together for 7 years and I didn't start getting sober until about 2 years ago at the age of 40.
It was around 2014 when I realized I had a serious problem so I decided to go to an AA meeting. I thought then, that was all I needed. It was there where I took that first step and admitted that I was in fact an alcoholic and my life had become unmanageable.

That is always the first step, admitting we are powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable. That is when I came into the rooms of AA. I struggled with it, yes and I still could not stop drinking. Though I thought I could, but in fact I was wrong, I was way wrong.

It was after that where I knew I needed more help, so I decided to sign myself into detox and then rehab.

I was in detox for 5 days and rehab for 28. As I went in my boyfriend said he was going to be supportive but in fact he just didn't want me getting sober. As I was in rehab, I explained to him, that I could not come back to a drinking environment. I also told him, I was there for me, and not for him. Well he didn't like hearing that, saying I was being selfish because I was trying to fix me. Well that ended our relationship right then and there. After leaving rehab, I moved into a place of my own and that began my journey of recovery.

Even after rehab I struggled with it, trying to stay sober, and I drank again before I even had 90 days sober. I was coming in out of the rooms, but at that time I still did not understand the whole concept of the 12 steps and the AA program. It wasn't until winter of 2014 when I found my sponsor. Over the next few months I still struggled not knowing exactly what I needed to do until my sponsor gave me these suggestions on how to stay sober. First thing to do is go to a meeting, then find a sponsor and work the steps. When you go into the rooms of AA you will probably be told, go to meetings, get a sponsor work the steps and just don't drink. Sounds somewhat easy right, they say its a simple program but we still have to do the footwork. I later discovered, that this is exactly what I needed to do to not drink. This was still not enough for me, it still wasn't working, I was still struggling to stay sober. The only requirement for AA membership is to have a desire to stop drinking. I had that desire, but I still couldn't do it, and from what you've written, sounds like you have the desire to stop,also but you just cannot right? Yes, the task ahead does seem hard, but instead of looking ahead, just focus on today. Don't look ahead, and just focus on today, try not to worry about tomorrow or 6 months from now. Just try not to drink today and take it one day at a time. One step at a time.

It wasn't until I opened up the big book (Alcoholics Anonymous) and that's when it all began to make sense to me and discovered to secret of staying sober. Its not just meetings alone, its not a sponsors job to get us sober we have to want to as well. In order to get sober, "we must take certain steps"...as the big book states. It wasn't until I fully understood the second and third step when I realized exactly what I needed to do. I have to give up my own will and turn it over to God, or as many people refer to as our higher power. Since not everyone believes in the same God, and we all have different religious views backgrounds etc. However step three is about giving up your will to a God of your own understanding.

Step 1. WE admitted we are powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable.
Step 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as We Understand Him.

We cannot stop drinking on self will alone, we must surrender to a power that is greater than ourselves. When joining the fellowship of AA, we can stay sober while working the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women, who have a desire to stop drinking. Its a program of recovery where we as alcoholic share our experience strength and hope. It really is a simple program, a great fellowship and a wonderful program for recover.

When I finally realized this, is when I took that 3rd step and turned it all over to God. As of this date, this is the longest I have ever been sober. though I am still fairly new in my recovery, I have not had a drink since last year. I am 5 months and 6 days sober as of today. My last drink was December 23, 2015. I have a solid program and I work it every single day. I go to meetings sometimes twice a day, I have constant contact with my sponsor, I have my big book, I am working my steps, and lots of literature to read from, I have phone numbers of others in the fellowship and most importantly I have a high power who has helped me to grow along spiritual lines. Which by his grace I am able to stay sober today. I also like to listen to speakers too, you can find many AA speakers on youtube, in fact I am listening to one now as I am writing this.
I listen to them often and you can find readings of the big book on youtube as well.

This is what is working for me, and it works for me every day. The best you can do for yourself is take it only one day at a time.
I said to someone one day, I think I have it now and he said to me, no...don't say that yet. You only have it just for today, I was like...hmm okay. He said to tell myself everyday, I am not going to drink today, I can drink tomorrow, then when tomorrow comes say it again...and again in every new day, at least just for today.

I hope this helps. I am just offering to you what has been so freely given to me, I wish you all the best on your road to recovery.
Sincerely,
Miss Mama Mia

Thanks Miss Mama Mia,

I really appreciate your email and sharing your experiences. Congrats on 5 months. AA does seem to work for so many people. I am not ready to go to any meetings. I live overseas and the expat community in the city I live in is big but small at the same time. I do not want people knowing that I have a drinking problem. Even though there is no shame in this but I think this forum is a good start and when I feel more comfortable I will attend AA.

I know I would be at step 1. I am not religious so I am not sure how step 3 would work for me. I have a great friend that I am sharing all journal entries with and just reading replies like yours gives me inspiration and hope.

I do plan on going to counselling but it would have to be private. As I said, I know there is no shame but I feel to embarrassed and it could impact on my career if I was seen at an AA meeting. I don't know if this sounds offensive or just ignorant. I have no bad intention but trying to be honest - maybe this is part of the process of how early alcoholics feel about how to deal with their problem. I like the idea of a mentor - I feel like this forum gives me this at the moment but I know further down the track I will need more support. I agree with taking each day as it comes rather than looking so far ahead.

Thank you for taking time to respond and help me.

Stuaca

I also need to take the time to understand what the 12 steps involve.

I also quit drinking shortly after I turned 40. Just had my 18th year of sobriety. Amazingly, I have way more fun today sober than I ever did drinking --- and no guilt, no hangover, and no driving the porcelain bus every morning. I was just on the edge of not being able to keep my job, my family and my health. I guess we all knew when we had to quit --- or else. So Stuaca, listen to your heart and not your disease. You are not unique. Every alcoholic is exactly the same as you are. Our disease is in our head. And the sooner we stop listening to it, the sooner we are able to live again. So I wish you the best. Congratulations. ~~~ Scottie

Hi Stuaca,

You can do this. Keep working to set yourself up for long-term success. You might think you want to be able to drink socially, but really, drinking doesn't add much and you will find you can have much more fun without it. If you look back on your 20 years of drinking, was it the drinking that made anything fun or was it being with friends and enjoying their company?

I was an everyday drinker. At the end I was drinking 12 -- 14 shots a day. It was a lot and quitting was a pretty big shift in lifestyle. (Quite the understatement!) A couple of things I learned:

-- No one cares if I drink or not. The only people who seem to care if others drink are those who want to spend their life wasted. I don't want that anymore and don't want to be around those people.

-- Saying "No thank you" works. So does having a plan when you know you will be around drinking. I would picture the event ahead of time. I would see myself happily sober and drinking a club soda having fun. This helped me big-time and made it easy to be around drinking. But I always had an escape plan in case it got to be too much. The clearer you picture being sober at an event ahead of time, the easier it is to be there.

-- Drink lots of water. Sometimes I had a craving and it was because I was thirsty. I also use exercise and yoga to keep me healthy and focused. Alcohol-addition effects your mind and your body. I worked on improving mind and body to become a nondrinker and sustain a happy and healthy sober lifestyle.

AA wasn't for me -- the 12 step program is in conflict with my beliefs. I did find the book, "The Easy Way to Stop Drinking," by Allen Carr to be useful. I think counseling is a good approach too.

When I first quit, the thought that I would never drink again was overwhelming -- Oh my God, I'll never drink again!" Some months into my sobriety, I realized, "Oh thank God, I never have to drink again!" It is a big fat relief to know that i don't have to worry about any of the stuff that comes with drinking -- driving while drunk, hangovers, acting like a drunken ass, blackouts, getting the next drink, etc. I don't miss it one bit.

Good luck -- we are here for you!

Hello Stuaca,

One thing that helped me greatly in early sobriety was finding out the exact reason why I could not drink socially.

The explanation given at the link below is based on the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) and some scientific research that has taken place since the book was published. It makes fascinating listening and every alcoholic would benefit from hearing it.

After you have discovered the exact nature of the problem, you can start looking at how to fix it. Regardless of how you do it, recovery from alcoholism entails bringing about a change in your way of thinking. If counselling works for you, that is good and if it does not, you can try something else.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pVBDQPC2XQ

The 12 steps is for people, who believe in the Judo Christian god. Others, like myself, do not use the twelve steps. I tried AA for years only to find failure. I am a Buddhist. I found going to dharma class that the Buddhist teachings, gave me the tools that I needed to quit drinking.

Either way is good, the 12 steps or non 12 steps. You have to find the path that fits you. Once I found my path, I experienced long term sobriety.