Yeah Bob, like you I'm cross addicted and there was times I would much rather do my pills than the drink in fact thinking back would rather do the drugs.

As far as are addictions and the AA program it all goes back to the the 3rd tradition period. Once I found found out any mind altering drug (including alcohol ) was just a symptom and it was are thinking many things came into perspective for me like I'm sure you. The reason I write thins is because if e response #2. I find from my exp. depending on one's addictions that's there thought process.

So what do you do? Well being honest about your issue is key which you have done so if I was you I would go back to step 1 for awhile and concentrate on that and move forward.

Well it is up to you how to treat yourself. If you believe you respond better to punishment and guilt, go for it. IMHO you have no less sobriety than you did before. I know there are many who would disagree with me, but then who ever heard of a crowd of alcoholics who agree with one another?

I have had months, one year, two, three of consecutive periods of sobriety. And I remember when I attended daily AA meetings people saying "I had to go out and do some research many times before I got it...". And then I would wonder what "it" is. When does one know when one has got it?

And for that matter, if we discount the good days of sober living that we have under our belts then what is the objective of our program? Is it only permanent everlasting sobriety or does a person get credit for the hours and days put together whether consecutive or otherwise? Is the sobriety we manage to put together for bragging rights or for not drinking nor experiencing all those things we hate about drinking?

I hear stories about old-timers with forty or fifty years, even longer of sobriety, the ones everyone looks up to and is given much respect, always called on. And then one day someone reports that person got drunk for some period of time and died in a motel room. So this person did not apparently get "it"? After such success as an old-timer may have accumulated because that person drank after all those decades, that makes the old-timer a loser who drank a few days after decades? I don't think so.

Bob knew what I meant so it's all good.

Cunning baffling powerful. Right?
In the big book it talks about alcohol of "any type" --

"These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve."

AA is clearly about alcohol, but, it is also clear that as alcoholics, we are not generally able to handle prescription narcotics the way "normies" can and do.

I had a surgery last November. I was prescribed pain meds. I told my husband, and my sponsor and a few AA friends before I got my prescription. And I took them the way they were prescribed, but for just a few days vs. the 3 weeks worth I was given (+ refil options).

Pills are oddly not my thing. Thank god. But I was scared they could have become my thing so took measures before hand to make sure I was gaurding against it.

Anyway, dust yourself off, and get back into recovery. Talk to your DR too. If you really need meds for pain mgt your DR should know you are alcoholic, and, that you feel you've been abusing them.

Good luck with all this.

Bob, do not waste your time feeling ashamed, it only causes more returns to old behaviors. Alcohol is a drug just like narcotics are. We, alcoholics, cannot help ourselves when these types of drugs are in play. Instead use this experience to learn what to aviod in the future, less a mistake than a learning experience! Best of luck, Eric

I think my Higher Power is trying to tell me something. I was all for going after a white chip and starting over and planned to do it at friday nite's meeting for I got tied up in something and completely forgot to go to the meeting.

Next D Day wood have been today, Sunday morning at my home group meeting, the one I almost always go to. Before the meeting started I felt extremely ill being overcome with nausea and dizziness. I suspect my blood pressure medication had something to do with it but not sure exactly. I couldn't sit through the meeting and had to leave long before chip club.

What I am hearing is to keep the AA streak going and look up a local NA meeting!

Interesting note. Not once did I get high off the narcotics! It didn't matter if I took one or 10. I could but get lit. Even in the hospital with injection after injection of fentenol which is a very powerful synthetic opiate! The only time was just before surgery when I was given some dilaudid and I got only a slight buzz off that. Apparently they give that to relax patients who are about to have surgery. The anesthesiologiest even told me, this will make u feel good.

I think of those things now but at the time, I just wanted the pain to go away. I didn't give getting high a second thought! The only thing that really worked were the nerve blocks but those were very painful also.

Thanks to all who took the time to answer this post. It means alot to me.

God Bless

Bob, I'll bet 5 to one if you cannot be Honest enough To accept a white chip and begin anew with So many new things occurring in your life right now You will be missing a golden opportunity for yourself and those around you.
Billy