Every new day is a challenge. Things like a simple trip to get gas for most wouldn't think twice, but for some such a mundane task brings upon dread and fear hours at a time. Watching the needle hitting quarter of a tank. Thinking it'll be okay til I get to next town. Then eighth tank, saying to yourself it can wait til morning. All cuz of the anxious feeling you want to avoid when going to socially interact. Even for the brief two second exchange that the cashier properly won't remembere five minutes from now. All of my life is lived around the fear. Grocery trips only at certain stores at certain times. The anxiety of the unknown and possibilities. I happen to have two kids, two very loud carefree hyper beautiful kids. But going out with them is next to torture. I don't want attention what so even and people can't help but stare with those two in tow. I have been at the same job six years. And for some reason I'm still scared probably seventy five percent of the time. Scared to walk in, scared to clock in, wondering who is there today, is corporate or an inspector showing up today. Will I get off work on time, will my car start. Will I get to the bus stop on time. Oh shit gas lights on, hope I make it to this certain store, hope this certain girls working. All day worry worry after worry. Every day I wake up wishing for a normal regular day, one that I wasn't scared.