Suzanne,
The BMB's. Going through this twice, as you know, comes with with a few extra of those bad boys. My experience was a mixed bag. Some hurt like crazy (pain shooting down the leg as mentioned) and some were fine. I vote for more drugs.

Andrea and TwoBoyz,
Fantastic meeting another Daily Strength person!! Yeah, how did the recognition take place?

Your reports are positive. Keep them coming.

Trish, Glad that you posted because I was wondering how you were doing. Sorry to hear about the complications. I feel badly for you.

Ollie,
Keep recovering!

Everyone,
It is wonderful that everyone on the site is so connected.

Phil,
I had the rapid heartrate for several months. Then, it finally disappeared, too.

Therese

Therese,

Since I started my treatments, I have had a fast pulse. I have always attributed it to being very out of shape now, because I can no longer go to the gym. My cardiac echo was perfect and I am no longer anemic, so I will just let it run its course (which it hasnt yet) and I don't even notice it unless I actually take my pulse.

Cliff

Cliff:

Not sure what it was -- perhaps the afibs -- you did say you had afibs, right? Anyway, my heart rate went way up while is was doing one of my consolidations -- the next to last one. I am glad you are not taking stuff for it. The stuff they gave me really put me under -- slowed me down -- noticable in my work. I waaaasssss juuuusssst sssssssoooo slooooooow ... my e-mails came out like that a few times as well. I complained about it and they took me off it. Things have returned to normal now, and I think yours will at some point. Take care -- dave

Cliff again about the BMBs -- I never thought to pray while going through the pain of it all, but I would think that that might have a physical comforting as well. Of course, prayer is good for its own sake ... staying in touch with God. He is in control of it all, and pain and suffering are part of life. In fact, some of the most wretched among us are the few unfortunates who cannot feel pain. Suffering is the oldest biblical topic -- as Job is supposedly the first book ever written, at least that is what some scholars say. I completed a section on suffering about a month before I was DXed with AML. It is the last topic on the list:
http://BibleThought.org/

Thanks for all your help with everything -- dave

Dave,

If I study Job, it will not be out of order for us, since I should know all about Job already. My Sunday School teachers would be disappointed. I only know Job from more contemporary works. I will read the passage you indicated. It's funny, I told Phil that you have been teaching me. He is very impressed, because it isn't easy to teach an aging Jew about the Holy Spirit. I appreciate you every day for it.

I know you are older than I, but I have to admit that I will be both depressed and happy in 15 days. Depressed, because I am turning 60. You wouldn't know it to look at me, even after all of the horror I went through. Nevertheless, that is what I will be. Considering I have an older sister and my parents are 88 and 89, I would have to be nearing that milestone! I am happy, however, because I am alive and I feel well and I have a family that loves me, and now I have a "new family" that I love deeply that post things every day that are more intimate than good friends could ever be. I have known all of you for such a brief period of time, and yet we share our anxieties, our fears, our experiences as if we were childhood friends. And I have learned so many things from all of you, and I am indebted for putting things into perspective for me. I am lucky, I have gotten through what Andrea, Suzanne, and Phil have yet to experience. I am not kidding when I say that I sang and whistled through it all, except for the time I was incoherent and in atrial fibrillation with sepsis and a fungal pneumonia. I wasn't singing then, but I was calling my wife and sister and telling them that the nurses were trying to kill me (typical calls were sent by me at 4 AM). Funny story....my wife had just gotten a middle of the night paranoid rant from her delirious husband at 3 or 4 AM, so she called the nurses' station in the ICU and asked if she should come to NY, because I sounded delirious. The answer...."He's doing ok, in fact he's on his cell phone!" I still laugh at that, because my sister (God bless her) was getting a call from me! She was delirious too at that hour of the morning.

There is levity in all of this. I want everyone who is getting a BMB soon to make believe they are me. They don't hurt at all, because I am either singing, or on a beach somewhere, drinking a passionfruit daiquiri (no, I hardly drink so wouldn't have some manly type of thing -- like scotch - yuck)...with the winds blowing softly....the smell of coconut oil in the air....calypso music in the distance.....and.....a huge needle stuck in my bone marrow! Wait. forget the last part.

Be good all of you and thanks again, Dave, for being an incredible teacher, in fact, all of you for making me feel useful and modestly intelligent again (despite chemo brain).

Cliff

Cliff

Cliff,
We are all happy to be here with you. I loved your post.

AML is a journey no one wants to take, but there are amazing things to learn and amazing people to meet along the way.

Everyone, I'm still trying to keep up on the reading but not online as often. Kitchen remodel is in progress. Two years ago I couldn't have imagined being around and healthy enough for a kitchen remodel. With every piece of drywall I take down, I smile. If you ever think you won't be strong and healthy again, think of me remodeling my kitchen after many months of reduced activity (and I really mean reduced in the strongest sense of the word).

Good wishes to everyone.

Therese

All,
I was at the clinic today, came home, napped and went to a Christmas party with my old staff. YES, I was careful! I did not eat or drink. The phone call before I left home came from HUP. The research doc calls to tell me there are doing immunostains on my marrow, but not because something is wrong. Because they cannot find any cells ! So, as I suspected, I think , he thinks I am in remission, but obviously they preface everything with, we will have final results......blah, blah, blah.
I AM PRETTY CONFIDENT I HAVE REMISSION MARROW FROM AC 220. What a miracle drug. This means transplant is what would appear to be one minute away. Crazy to be so excited, but one more step forward towards cure!
I am thanking GOD for all of you and for paving this path. I will catch up on everything later. Am on a high right now!
Andrea

Wow Andrea !!!!! so soon ... it is definitely a miracle! especially that you were taking the lower dose (30mg). What a nice Christmas gift from the Lord. :) !!!!!!! Way to go !!!! and thanks for sharing this great news !!!!

In His Grip,
Sami

This is a great news, Andrea! If they can not find leukemic cells, this is definitely remission.

Andrea,
I just came back from Advent service and read your great news, I am so happy for you! Wow, sounds like the drug really was made just for you (and Sami!). So much to be thankful to God for, and what absolutely wonderful news to share with your family and co-workers! I am smiling from ear to ear. Hugs from Seattle!

Cliff~ thank you for such an insightful post, you always have such a beautiful way with words.

Therese~ good luck with your remodel, so great to have some of that energy back. I'm exhausted just taking a shower! You give me hope and courage.

Take Care,
Suzanne

Yes, let's all thank God for this great news from Andrea. Andrea -- way to hang in there -- just a little more to go through and you will be in the clear. Way to go taking care of yourself -- don't get careless -- dave

Cliff: Job is by far the most difficult book to get through. It is a relative long book and one that has to be taken slowly. It attempts (or let's say Job attempts) to answer the question of why bad things happen to good people, and why God allows certain things that seem unreasonable to us humans. The conventional wisdom (that of Job's friends) was that he had to have done something wrong, and if he would just repent than all would be well. It was not just his health he lost -- he lost his entire family except for his wife (who was not that much an asset -- her advice was to just "curse God and die"), he lost all of his material goods. And finally God answered him, but not with an explanation, but with a challenge to Job as to why he should be asking such questions. I hate to try to summarize, there is so much there ... but the essence is that we just have to trust that God will bring it all together at some point and that everything has a purpose. Difficult to accept when you are in the middle of it.

While the book of Job does not give us answers, the book of 2nd Corinthians does. I counted about a dozen answers to the question as to why bad things happen to good people, and in my mind 2 Corinthians is the answer that Job really never got. Paul had some really hard times, including a "thorn in the flesh" that we are not told what it was. I would encourage everyone who is having problems with understanding their suffering to read and meditate on the book of 2nd Corinthians in the New Testament. May God bless you all in your understanding -- I have heard from many of you who know that you have been enriched by the experience. It is not something that we want to go through or would want anyone else to go through, but once we get it behind us we recognize the value of it. -- dave

Dave,

Yes, I am familiar with the Book of Job and hate feeling that it applies to me.

Cliff

Proverbs 20:30 GNV

Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways..

So, here is what is interesting. There is clearly a reason GOD brought me to This group.
Dave, I started to read 2 Corinthians today. I have heard readings during mass &services before, but truthfully I have never been one to read the "books".
I must read the book of Job as well. Embarrassingly, I am Catholic and should actually have studied and paid more attention. I am like a lost lamb and am thankful God has welcomed me back. I feel unworthy, actually. During this season of Advent, I am grateful that I am able to reconnect and perhaps it is this that was necessary for me to understand and trust a power beyond what I see.
I am blessed.
Peace & prayers for you all.
Andrea