Paul1

About Me

Im a 32 year old guy with a drink problem and depression, who keeps falling off the wagon, going in and out of AA. Since May 2011, drinking has escalated a lot, as has the trouble it has caused me. Finished a PhD in 2008 and spent 3 years unemployed ( and very drunk) before finally getting current job teaching in Higher Education. Wont have the job much longer though frankly unless I stay sober. On here to give and receive support I guess, and to try and maintain sobriety. Ive isolated a lot in the last year, fluctuating between denial, thinking I can manage the problem on my own, developing resentments against people who have tried to help etc. In many ways ive become confused about AA, and about how I can recover. Ive only ever managed to stay sober in the past through staying in AA, so part of me really doesnt see why I should be confused, apart I suppose because of disagreements about some of the doctrines. But I see people recover in AA, and to be honest im more interested in having what they have now in recovery than debating the merits of a Higher Power. I KNOW Im powerless over alcohol and I KNOW I cant solve the problem on my own. Perhaps that means Im at Step 2? I dont know. For now im gunna keep writing my journal on here, taking my anti-craving med Campral, and doing a bit of basic CBT from a self-help book. Ill get back to meetings soon. I think the important thing for me at the moment is to just keep communicating on here with other people, especially when I go into those dark places which lead to drink.