survival
Greetings my dear DS friends. Can I say once again what an incredible, resourceful, strong, inspiring set of people you are.
I've been home now for 10 months. Went back to wotk briefly and promptly crashed. Each day has been a wrestling matchm with my dear foe/friend depression. The only antidepressant that ever worked for me is Zoloft and it spikes my blood pressure to dangerous levels. So without the distraction of work, I get to face my demons and work through them .. every day.. just me and God.
I spend most of my day on the internet reading everything I can find on inner child healing, spiritual growth and self determination.
I've stopped trying to fight CFS. Some say CFS is psychosomatic, I choose to look at it as a spiritual challenge, an opportunity to clean house and grow my spiritual muscles because I believe there is much waiting for me beyond CFS.
For me fighting depression is a daily battle, there is rarely a day when its not an issue. I find I'm getting better at turning the tide. I can experience it without being overcome by it or remaining lost in it. I allow myself to feel the darkness, I observe it, I write it down, I respond to it, I learn from it. I've found many important lessons by looking into my own pain and I've done a lot of healing particularly in my relationships with others and with myself.
Meditation is a powerful tool for fighting depression. I come out of each session feeling great, then the cfs gets me and I crash (lol). I have also found EFT techniques to be useful in dealing with specific situational stressors (boy some days people make me so mad I give myself a headache tapping).
No matter how bummed I am I force myself to listen to affirmations when I wake and just before sleep. Sometimes I'm cussing with each one, but something in me believes and they do pierce through the darkness and lift the fog (amazingly effective).
My favorite affirmation is "I am a joyful breeze entering a room". I really believe that is who I truly am. I've always said I'm the happiest depressed person I know.
Depression and CFS, a fun combo to live with but the important thing is I'm alive. Because I choose to be.
Blessed be my dear friends, you remain in my prayers.
I've been home now for 10 months. Went back to wotk briefly and promptly crashed. Each day has been a wrestling matchm with my dear foe/friend depression. The only antidepressant that ever worked for me is Zoloft and it spikes my blood pressure to dangerous levels. So without the distraction of work, I get to face my demons and work through them .. every day.. just me and God.
I spend most of my day on the internet reading everything I can find on inner child healing, spiritual growth and self determination.
I've stopped trying to fight CFS. Some say CFS is psychosomatic, I choose to look at it as a spiritual challenge, an opportunity to clean house and grow my spiritual muscles because I believe there is much waiting for me beyond CFS.
For me fighting depression is a daily battle, there is rarely a day when its not an issue. I find I'm getting better at turning the tide. I can experience it without being overcome by it or remaining lost in it. I allow myself to feel the darkness, I observe it, I write it down, I respond to it, I learn from it. I've found many important lessons by looking into my own pain and I've done a lot of healing particularly in my relationships with others and with myself.
Meditation is a powerful tool for fighting depression. I come out of each session feeling great, then the cfs gets me and I crash (lol). I have also found EFT techniques to be useful in dealing with specific situational stressors (boy some days people make me so mad I give myself a headache tapping).
No matter how bummed I am I force myself to listen to affirmations when I wake and just before sleep. Sometimes I'm cussing with each one, but something in me believes and they do pierce through the darkness and lift the fog (amazingly effective).
My favorite affirmation is "I am a joyful breeze entering a room". I really believe that is who I truly am. I've always said I'm the happiest depressed person I know.
Depression and CFS, a fun combo to live with but the important thing is I'm alive. Because I choose to be.
Blessed be my dear friends, you remain in my prayers.
Replies
A lovely, heartfelt and inspirational journal entry. I love your favorite affirmation. My older daughter\'s nickname is Breezy and it fits. I will share it with her. I\'m sorry you have to deal with your combo, but grateful that you are sharing your journey. Sending wishes for peace and joy.
if it feels to dark at times let me be your friend ......the one who will pray with you, hold your hand and care about you, even when we don\'t feel like talking.......we\'ll just sit and be........and that will be enough.
thank you for sharing all you are doing in care of you........you are so wise and i know you are in a struggling place.........working through it ---breaking up time into more manageable pieces........i admire you, and love u mucho mucho...........hang on and let\'s pray together for the next week every day at 4 pm wherever we are......just stop and bow our heads and ask God to be in care of our friendship/our journey/our struggles and anything else that we need to say..........sound ok with you? hugs, ruthie
I love this journal Max! I\'m so glad you wrote it!!
Depression is killer! I\'m glad that the Zoloft helps you.....kinda makes me think there may be another medication along the lines of Zol. that won\'t spike your blood pressure! I\'m sure you\'ve probably looked into this. I just SO want you to feel better.
I spend a lot of days with just me and God. If you can stay there until the \"peace\" comes.....it can turn out to be a blessed day.
We\'re all works in progress, Max.
Big hugs to you! xo
Well I just love that affirmation. I\'m going to borrow it from you as it sounds just perfect. I believe in you Max.I see so much inner strength and determination and spiritual awareness within you I have no doubt that you will survive these temporary stormy seas. Together we hold on and sail towards the sun. Love peace and all healing Jamaican girl.xoxo