Saturday anxiety

It's been a while since I had anxiety this bad.  The weight is back on my chest and I have random waves of panic.  I tried to go back to sleep but my body will not allow that to happen.  Too much adrenaline.  I  need to just go do something. 

i'm thinking more and more about moving down by my mom.  I have no one here except a coupld of friends who have their hands full with their own families on the weekends.  I'm just a burden to them at that point. 

I'm having a ton of anger and resentment that my ex, the drunk, gets a new girlfriend right away while i am here, stuggling alone in my panic.  I guess we all get what we deserve.  The nausea is almost unbearable but I know I am not getting sick.  This is one hundred percent anxiety.  This is the result also of all my own isolation...I bring this on myself by pushing everyone out of my life.  Stupid broken girl just like always.  I will just keep breathing through it.  I keep trying to decide what to do with my day but I kind of have the broken brain thing also and cannot make a decision.  Why does this life have to be so long??