I MADE IT THROUGH.....
June 23, 2010: Well, I made it through the horrible week. It has been hard. I have been thinking about so many of my DS friends "making it through", too.
A cousin of mine, who I haven't seen in about thirty years, is coming to visit next week. Oh, we have kept in touch via Christmas cards, email, and now facebook. It will be awesome to see her! Anyway, she will be staying in Scott's room.
A few weeks ago I washed Scott's clothes that were hanging in the closet. I put them in clear plastic tubs. (another DS mom's idea) I hadn't put the tubs away until today. As I was re-arranging his closet, to make room, I found a single penny in the corner. I thought of the Penny's From Heaven poem. I do believe it was a sign from Scott. Just too strange to find a penny in the back of a closet! It made me cry. But, it also gave me comfort.
Lots of things in his room made me cry, today....his cologne, his deoderant, his pictures, and many other things. The pillow he died on is in his closet with the same pillow case that he loved. I just hugged it and cried. Oh, I know this may sound sick to some. Maybe it is. But, it is where I am right now. I don't know that I can ever wash that pillowcase!
For me, it is still baby steps. I still, after three years, feel crazy! I still cannot believe Scott is not here! I still cry nearly every day! I am always sad and missing Scott in spite of the joys I do have in my life! I guess I will just keep taking one breath at a time and see where it takes me..... :(
A cousin of mine, who I haven't seen in about thirty years, is coming to visit next week. Oh, we have kept in touch via Christmas cards, email, and now facebook. It will be awesome to see her! Anyway, she will be staying in Scott's room.
A few weeks ago I washed Scott's clothes that were hanging in the closet. I put them in clear plastic tubs. (another DS mom's idea) I hadn't put the tubs away until today. As I was re-arranging his closet, to make room, I found a single penny in the corner. I thought of the Penny's From Heaven poem. I do believe it was a sign from Scott. Just too strange to find a penny in the back of a closet! It made me cry. But, it also gave me comfort.
Lots of things in his room made me cry, today....his cologne, his deoderant, his pictures, and many other things. The pillow he died on is in his closet with the same pillow case that he loved. I just hugged it and cried. Oh, I know this may sound sick to some. Maybe it is. But, it is where I am right now. I don't know that I can ever wash that pillowcase!
For me, it is still baby steps. I still, after three years, feel crazy! I still cannot believe Scott is not here! I still cry nearly every day! I am always sad and missing Scott in spite of the joys I do have in my life! I guess I will just keep taking one breath at a time and see where it takes me..... :(
Replies
Ginger, no part of this journal sounds crazy or sick. I can completely relate to this. I have still not washed the sheets on Chris\' bed. And I don\'t let anyone sleep in his bed. Just can\'t bring myself to that yet. Maybe one day... and yes keep taking it one breath at a time..that\'s all we can do. Love, Kim
It all sounds normal to me. My son died at his friend\'s house and what clothes he had were there. His friend washed them all before returning to me and that broke my heart. I so wanted to smell them, hug them, sleep with them. Pennies are very special to me and it thrilled my heart to hear your story. Hugs, Belinda
I don\'t think I will ever wash the quilt that Corrie had at camp with her. I can still smell her hair when we visited her at the funeral home ~ it smelled just like Corrie.
Love and hugs ~ Debbie
I still can not go through Chris\' things. they are in tubs from when we emptied his apartment. It is just to hard. I feel physically ill thinking about it. Just like I do when I think I am going to start a scrape book. but I can not do it yet . In my own time I guess. I have Chris\' hat that I can not wash .. it smells like him.. I miss that smell . I miss that boy so much.. It really hurts!! Hugs to you my friend. wendy
That\'s all we can do, sweet friend. One breath at a time. Love and hugs, Julia