Had a bit of a scare...
I didn't sleep well the other night as I was so worried about work. I finally got out of bed and started my day. Was thinking about back to school and all that needed to get done when I realized with utter horror that I had forgotten to send the confirmation forms and cash in for v's audition-only choir. It was due July 31sf. I was devastated. V would be devastated if she didn't have a spot. I went downstairs and just started weeping. Couldn't stop. My mom is here visiting. Moms can hear their kids crying anywhere! She was down in a flash to hold me and talk me thru it. So nice to be the kid!
I sent everything in along with a pleading email and weepy phone message. I haven't heard back but we did get the standard welcome email from the choir director so at least they haven't removed her from the list!
So, that got me thinking about school and I started looking into the other activities will have us all booked up soon. Had to text the ex to see if he had any work lined up I should be aware of - since he doesn't work, he takes the kids after school to activities. Wondered if I should be looking at booking lessons on weekends or late enenings instead. He replied he is "actively looking". Bloody hell, he said that in June. What is wrong with the jobs posted at the drugstore? Grocery store? Home Depot? All within 5 minute drives. What kind of job are you looking for?? Granted I haven't job searched in a while. But, the man has no education, and no skills or experience except retail sales. And he has spent the last 2 years on his ass when he could have been retraining. What kind of job does he think he deserves? At least get out and volunteer!! Good god man! His sense of entitlement kills me!! If he had "lowered himself" to take a Home Depot job (for instance) 2 years ago, he'd probably be a manger by now. Got to start somewhere!
Done ranting!
Replies
Your experience sounds so much like mine. My ex is finally out of the house, but going on year unemployed and refuses to take a job at Walmart or a grocery store -- or anywhere. He thinks he deserves better. Ugh. He is currently living out of his car -- which makes sharing my daughter fun. He is homeless and contributes nothing responsible to taking care of our 7-year-old daughter and nothing financially. In the meantime, of course, I work full time and have to manage all of the activities, forms, buying school clothes, etc for my daughter. It becomes very easy to space things off, yes? Don't be so hard on yourself. It is overwhelming. I know; I am living the same life. The good thing is that most places will make exceptions for late forms. Whew!!
I hope you hear some positive news from the school - keeping my fingers crossed for you! I'm sure your emotional response wasn't just from the school - its from everything that's been piling up, the stress of work, the changes.. it's all on your shoulders. That gets heavy.. I'm so glad your mom was visiting and could help ease your stress a little this week, its exhausting being the responsible one.. but our kids are sooo SOO worth every moment. Even if our lives aren't the 'perfect balance'.. the important details are covered, or at least written on post its so we don't forget to get them done : )
Try to look at the positives - at least you have help with after school activities since he's not working, take what you can get : ) I can't imagine having a sense of 'false pride' to the point that its OK to accept money monthly from your EX WIFE - but not ok for you to work at a retail store?? Everyone he knows I'm sure is very aware he's NOT working, and either is his whore.. so where do they think his money is coming from?? YOU.. and you know in the back of their minds they're thinking 'what an idiot for leaving her.. she was his meal ticket'.. and THANK GOD he did leave.. because fuck that, you are no ones meal ticket! and you deserve so much more : )
the dam broke.. and it probably needed too, now pick yourself up and step forward - its a new day! ((Hugs))
Thx guys!
I heard from the choir today and we are all good! I am sooo relieved.
Debbie - yes, it is tough. I look at the bright side and thank go I have the means to take care of my girls without him. That is definitely the bright side.
MNN - damn, he is an idiot for leaving - and I am so glad he did. I would never have pulled the plug but you are right, I do deserve so much more!
I'm late to read this, but a couple points resonated with me. I was late to sign my daughter up for a dance class earlier this summer - she ended up on the waitlist, while two of her friends got in. I felt horrible about it. But just recently she was accepted off the waitlist, so now things are better! Similar to your choir experience, I suppose. The guilt is lifted!
Then about crying with your mom. Well, I'm a guy and haven't done that even though I lived with my parents for a month after D-Day when I moved out of my former house. But, two nights ago I had a bizarre dream that left me feeling very disconcerted, feeling like I was not adequately parenting my daughter (like I was in over my head), and then ended up hugging my mom and crying. I've never done that in real life (at least since being a kid!), but I guess I did it in a dream. Weird. I guess I got comfort from it even in a dream.
Your ex - ugh, sounds like an ass. Too many of those in the world. Move on from him!
Hi Stepping - That is pretty cool - that even in a dream you can get comfort from your mom. I haven't cried much with my mo either - mostly because I don't want to upset her. But, it is nice knowing there is someone who will be there for me no matter what - even if I don't use it often. I hope I'm giving my kids that feeling of support too...