Change of Plan
Hi My Dear Friends -
I already wrote this once and the site jammed and lost it. Hope it works now...!
Well, as many of you know and so kindly have inquired, I had an appointment scheduled with Stanford on Monday the 4th. They called a few weeks ago and cancelled it as the MD I was to see was fired or quit. (Glad I did not end up with that person)
So, since I have been waiting and waiting since last October for May 4, I decided that since they could not find an appointment for me until the latter part of June I may as well post-pone it with them and begin the Amygdala Retraining Program by Ashok Gupta. I just am tired of waiting to begin something that could possibly help, so I ordered the program and it arrived today. I will commit to this for 5-6 months and then go to Stanford. If they evaluate me and find I need anti-virals, I can possibly do herbals instead of Valcyte, as there has been a link to cancer with that drug.
When I opened the A.R.T. package I had a wave of anxiety and tears hit me. I flew into all the fears that he very clearly describes in the book: I won't be able to do this program, I will fail at it, It won't work for me as nothing else has, etc.... etc... So I had a meltdown and then chatted with myself about how this is a good thing and I can do it at my own pace and OF COURSE I am anxious about it... I finally settled down into reality instead of terrorville... So, I hope I am making the right decision, (I hope, I hope) but I figure I am not eliminating anything, I am adding something that could potentially help and won't harm. So tomorrow I will pop in the first DVD and get started.....
As for Maris.... I am deeply touched by how so many of you sweet friends have been asking about her. It has been a rough 10 days or so. Four trips to the vet, one an ER visit, which equaled too much lost sleep while listening to her way too rapid respirations....and too much anxiety; needless to say. So, the vet is saying that she has a few months. We have been snuggling on the bed while I do some energy work with her in between our naps. Sweet precious time. I am so delighted when she wants to play frisbee or eat cookies. WE are savoring the time we have left with her. And I am so hoping she just doesn't wake up one day........
AS a result of all this stress and sleep disturbance I've broken out in some kind of itching, swelling crud on my eyes and lips. I fantasize scratching my face off, but that would be a bad idea.... My ND says it's herpes virus and/or poison oak and old steroid crud residuals that are surfacing. It's making me not only itchy, but feeling crummy on top of everything else.
So thank you all for being such dear friends. I am filled with gratitude for your compassion and caring and wish that I could reach out and hold each and every one of you.
With Love and Respect to you all,
Denise (and Maris)
I already wrote this once and the site jammed and lost it. Hope it works now...!
Well, as many of you know and so kindly have inquired, I had an appointment scheduled with Stanford on Monday the 4th. They called a few weeks ago and cancelled it as the MD I was to see was fired or quit. (Glad I did not end up with that person)
So, since I have been waiting and waiting since last October for May 4, I decided that since they could not find an appointment for me until the latter part of June I may as well post-pone it with them and begin the Amygdala Retraining Program by Ashok Gupta. I just am tired of waiting to begin something that could possibly help, so I ordered the program and it arrived today. I will commit to this for 5-6 months and then go to Stanford. If they evaluate me and find I need anti-virals, I can possibly do herbals instead of Valcyte, as there has been a link to cancer with that drug.
When I opened the A.R.T. package I had a wave of anxiety and tears hit me. I flew into all the fears that he very clearly describes in the book: I won't be able to do this program, I will fail at it, It won't work for me as nothing else has, etc.... etc... So I had a meltdown and then chatted with myself about how this is a good thing and I can do it at my own pace and OF COURSE I am anxious about it... I finally settled down into reality instead of terrorville... So, I hope I am making the right decision, (I hope, I hope) but I figure I am not eliminating anything, I am adding something that could potentially help and won't harm. So tomorrow I will pop in the first DVD and get started.....
As for Maris.... I am deeply touched by how so many of you sweet friends have been asking about her. It has been a rough 10 days or so. Four trips to the vet, one an ER visit, which equaled too much lost sleep while listening to her way too rapid respirations....and too much anxiety; needless to say. So, the vet is saying that she has a few months. We have been snuggling on the bed while I do some energy work with her in between our naps. Sweet precious time. I am so delighted when she wants to play frisbee or eat cookies. WE are savoring the time we have left with her. And I am so hoping she just doesn't wake up one day........
AS a result of all this stress and sleep disturbance I've broken out in some kind of itching, swelling crud on my eyes and lips. I fantasize scratching my face off, but that would be a bad idea.... My ND says it's herpes virus and/or poison oak and old steroid crud residuals that are surfacing. It's making me not only itchy, but feeling crummy on top of everything else.
So thank you all for being such dear friends. I am filled with gratitude for your compassion and caring and wish that I could reach out and hold each and every one of you.
With Love and Respect to you all,
Denise (and Maris)
Replies
Hello there my dear friend Dee.So glad you wrote a journal and so very sorry things have been tough for you lately.I can understand how heart broken you must be feeling about your darling Maris.You have worked incredibly hard at trying to improve her health and done everything possible . Obviously all the stress is weighing heavy on you.The infection doesn\'t sound like herpes but if it is valtrex will knock it on the head fairly quickly.I am suffering with itchy skin too.I regret cancelling my skin doc appointment as advised by my ayurvedic doc.Last night I took antihistamines and thank God they worked.That is an indication of allergy.In reference to Valcyte, my doctor would not give it to me even though my blood showed dormant cytomegalavirus.He said it was too risky with the liver.However EBV can be treated with valtrex.EBV causes glandular fever and also the herpes virus.
I\'m really excited that you are going to try the Ashok Gupta programme and I can relate to your fears.I think we become fearful of getting our hopes up and being left with disappointment all over again.So we have to try things without too much attachment and accept the outcome whatever it may be.
I was in hospital for most of yesterday and last night with extremely high blood pressure.My husband has insisted I stop taking the ayurvedic hormone formula as he has researched each herb and believes ths liqorice which comes under an Indian name has pushed my BP sky high.Also 3 of the other herbs increase estrogen and I actually have progesterone deficiency and estrogen dominance.
Sorry got off track the long way round.So my point is I am very disappointed that I have only been on this new treatment for a month and I have been feeling terrible.So I understand how you feel every time you start a new treatment and the anxiety and insecurities grab hold of you.You have nothing to lose in giving the Amygdala Training a good shot as you said and there is the possibility of a positive outcome. I did read a lot about it and it seems very scientific and certainly makes sense.As you know that was the direction I was heading in and then decided to try the ayurvedic.My husband did the keniesiology hand held test with my herbs and 3 were strong but when he tested me with the hormone formula my arm just collapsed.He trained in all of this many yrs ago.
Oh my I am rambling on here forgive me.Need sleep. Bit scattered. Just want you to know that I am here for you anytime.I feel blessed to have you for a friend.You are a kind and gentle soul with so much to give.I hope you will feel better soon.All love peace and healing my friend.xoxo
I can certainly understand your heartache. The bonds we form with our fur babies run so very deep. You are a such a wonderful mama to your sweet Maris. I used to do energy work on my lil Arty as well while we laid in bed together. I believe with all my heart it was helpful... not just in calming him and easing his discomfort, but also in lessening the helplessness I so often felt in trying to care for him. I will hold the vision of you both feeling loved, peaceful and supported through this very difficult part of your journey.
I\'ve heard great things about the Gupta program. I think everyone could use some amygdala tweaking in this crazy world. I read that the amygdala doesn\'t know the difference between a stressful thought and an actual tiger chasing us. Imagine what our illnesses have done to it! I love using EFT on myself. Our subconscious minds are so powerful.
And I totally understand the emotion involved in trying a new treatment. So many of us have tried so many. A lot of effort and not always a lot of result. It\'s bound to spark intense emotion. For me, it helps to use my \"what if\"tool. Like when I started these new diet modifications. (Again). I found myself in an emotional tailspin. But playing the \"what if\" game in a positive way, helped me. When you think about it, it\'s our amygdala that\'s telling us to be fearful of it. It doesn\'t know how to use Hope. It just refers back to the memories our subconscious holds about past treatments. It means well. It wants to protect us from the tiger. I\'m constantly having to help mine calm down.
Sending you light, love and strength for your new adventure...
Oh, Dee, I wish you the best of luck with Ashok\'s programme. If I might suggest, as AussieDi does as well, you might approach and follow the programme without expectations, without any desperation or hope, just perhaps a keen curiosity to see what happens from with it. Follow it with an open mind and an open heart, and see what fills you.
Ahh, dear Maris... I think there is nothing more purely good than the love of a good dog, and few things that hurt more than knowing your time with the beautiful creature is running short. I\'m so glad you are able to take the time to be with her, and enjoy and appreciate her while you still have her.
I wish both you and Maris the best health, the most love, the greatest Blessings and Peace. Feel our love, for we are with you.
Honey, I had that same thing you are talking about. I broke out into hives on my armpits and my eyelids and my eyelids were swelling. I actually used hydrocortisone on my eyelids (yeah, I know it\'s a steroid). I couldn\'t stand the itching. I wanted to rip my face off. The hydrocortisone did work, I have to say. I thought it was my deodorant and my eye make-up, but Ta11i suggested it was stress. I think she may be right about that. I will pray that you stop itching. It is unbearable!
I\'m so sorry Maris is in such bad shape. I am so glad you have some special time with her. May God be merciful to her and let her be in peace. I know it\'s excruciating for you as well.
I can understand the program is very stressful. I agree with everyone else that you just have to go into it with an open hand. Receive whatever is good and just let go whatever is too stressful to face right now.
Many blessings and love to you.
Dear Denise, my heart go out to you and your sweet puppy. I\'m glad you are able to give each other comfort. I am excited for you that you are trying a new treatment plan. Whenever, I\'m trying to decide whether to embark on a new plan, I usually decide, what the heck, I may get better but I\'m sure not going to change anything if I don\'t try. I never give up hope, but I practice acceptance of what my condition is right now.
I\'m struck by all the love and support flowing from all you wise, wonderful souls on the website. What a blessing you are!
Sorry about your baby having respiratory fluctuations and such. So hard to watch a pet have illness, so hard. You\'ve done everything for her, so I know you can take comfort in that. Such a loving person you are...
Can\'t wait for you to start the Gupta Program and feel like it can be a big boost for everyone who tries it. I feel like it can definitely bring you peace of mind which is really the main thing. Not having all those anxious thoughts, fears and emotions is bound to help the body in one way or another. Don\'t let the cunning mind try and convince you otherwise as it frequently can try to sabotage a good thing, if you know what I mean. We\'ll be here to support you all the way!!!
Wishing you and Maris the best. Hope you both sleep well and can have a peaceful day tomorrow. Much love, Sanni