..and I was doing so well
But it looks like today is going to be an anxiety day. I'm sure it is because my stomach is bothering me this morning. I have been feeling very low all week. I've been keeping to myself hoping to get out of my funk. Hasn't worked out very well. I am sad and lonely but wish to be left alone...like that even makes any sense. My heart is racing. I keep telling myself it is just something I ate, I am not getting sick. No need to panic. Once an anxiety freak, always an anxiety freak. I don't know why I have been so down. A lot of things are changing for me and sometimes I feel like I look up and I am all alone. No one I can count on....so why even try? Just keep your head down and try and get through this miserable life.
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as odd as it sounds, maybe try doing some jumping jacks or something quick to get the chemicals in your head moving. Sometimes when I feel a panic attack about to hit me I do a few pushups, sit ups or just go for a fast walk. Once my heart is beating faster I actually feel like I can focus again. Though the depressing thoughts are harder to ignore you gotta find something to help you stay distracted. A daily mantra like, " I can do this and fuck everyone else!" or listen to music that calms you. Going through this alone is rough but you have to remember your not really alone. Even if the people your trying to get a hold of dont answer, leave them a message anyway that way you can get your feelings out there and you can say you tried. No matter what somone will always answer back even if it may take a day or two. You can do this *bear hug*
was trying to keep distracted with work but it's kinda slow here today. Might have to go home and clean or something busier LOL
We might have to get different jobs that clear our heads.
yeah..that is on my to do list right after school is over
I have the best boss. He said..why don't you just go home. I said, because sometimes that is like I actually admit that I am sick and I have more anxiety. He laughed and said I just need to think of it as a day of rest and not that you are sick. So...I left. It's slow today, he can handle it. I came home to my beautiful Remi and baked in the sun for a bit to get warm. Remi got to roll in her grass. Then the cat was purring in my lap for a bit. It's so nice to be loved. Wish people were like pets LOL. Cautiously putting a little food in my stomach. I had planned on having the leftovers from last nights dinner tonight, but now I am already worrying there was something bad. It's so hard to break the cycle of worry about every little F'ng thing.